# Songs they'd NEVER let contestants perform on American Idol **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 24, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922 "2007-07-24T03:20:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/81 "2007-07-25T00:48:45Z")
[QUOTE=Rico] Jimmy Buffett’s _The Asshole Song_. Or maybe _The Rodeo Song_ [/QUOTE] For that matter, Denis Leary’s “I’m an Asshole.” Also: “Break stuff,” “Nookie” and “down with the sickness.” ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/82 "2007-07-25T01:33:31Z")
[QUOTE=HelloNinja] Great, thanks for putting this into my head for the rest of the day. Damn that song is catchy…and completely inappropriate for a straight male to get caught singing in the middle of a work day. 🙂 I’ll add “Rehab” by Amy Winehouse to the list. [/QUOTE] I think _anything_ off Any Winehouse’s album **Back to Black** would probably be verboten. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/83 "2007-07-25T02:02:23Z")
My first thought was “Eat Me Alive” by Judas Priest, containing lyrics like “I’m gonna force you at gunpoint, to eat me alive”. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/84 "2007-07-25T02:04:47Z")
[QUOTE=HelloNinja] Great, thanks for putting this into my head for the rest of the day. Damn that song is catchy…and completely inappropriate for a straight male to get caught singing in the middle of a work day. 🙂 to the list. [/QUOTE] That is why I put in the warning. I can’t help singing along whenever I hear it and sometimes without. I’ve got used to the funny looks, but I keep the CD handy in case there are too many questions. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/85 "2007-07-25T02:09:24Z")
How could we have forgotten “Takin’ Retards To The Zoo” by the Dead Milkmen? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/86 "2007-07-25T02:18:01Z")
I still haven’t seen any NOFX such as [Fun things to F\*\*k (if you’re a winner)](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/n/nofx/fun+things+to+fuck+if+youre+a+winner_20197289.html) (link to lyrics) Or just about anything by Insane Clown Posse such as [Neden Game](http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Icp-Insane-Clown-Posse/Neden-Game.html) Maybe I will try one of these at the next local audition. 😃 SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/87 "2007-07-25T03:08:19Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] “Don’t Go Home with Your Hard-On” [/QUOTE] I doubt they’d allow any Leonard Cohen, except maybe “Hallelujah”. Somebody mentioned the Bloodhound Gang earlier. It would be funny to see one of the male contestants singing “The Bad Touch.” Or maybe “Inside of You” by Hoobastank. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/88 "2007-07-25T03:15:16Z")
Bring In The Clowns Tomorrow from Annie Amazing Grace ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/89 "2007-07-25T04:31:57Z")
[QUOTE=RealityChuck] Harry Nilsson’s “You’re Breaking My Heart” Though it is the perfect American Idol song for someone who’s just been kicked off. [/QUOTE] Dammit, I should have thought of that. “You’re breaking my heart You’re tearing it apart So FU-UCK you.” I have it in vinyl. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/90 "2007-07-25T05:49:21Z")
[QUOTE=Scissorjack] “We’re not a punk-rock band, we’re a _new wave_ band…” [/QUOTE] Which is from “Pull My Strings”: Is my cock big enough Is my brain small enough For you to make me a star? Give me a toot and I’ll sell you my soul Pull my strings and I’ll go far. Drool, drool, drool, drool - MY PAYOLA! ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/91 "2007-07-25T06:15:44Z")
“Baby got Back” I would like to hear some _Slayer_, but… ---
**Author:** ![richardbterror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@richardbterror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/richardbterror)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2007, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/92 "2007-07-25T09:17:13Z")
Dennis Leary has already been mentioned. From the school of the totally obvious - anything from Kevin Bloody Wilson would have to be out - with songs like “do you fuck on first dates” or Santa Claus you C\*\*\* where’s my f\*\*\*\*\*\* bike" it couldn’t show live - he is haliarously funny though. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/93 "2007-07-26T14:31:33Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] “Martha” could make it. It was covered by Meat Loaf who has been on AI before. [/QUOTE] I doubt it. “Muriel” is also lyrical enough that it would be possible. I don’t think either will ever be done though. I would pay money to see one of them do “Jockey full of Bourbon”. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/94 "2007-07-26T14:41:21Z")
Eric Idle’s [FCC Song](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FCC_Song) would never be performed. I doubt [My Cat](http://www.uppercutmusic.com/artist_j/jack_off_jill_lyrics/my_cat_lyrics.html) by Jackoff Jill would get approved either. What about Weird Al’s The Night Santa Went Crazy, or [Won’t Eat Prunes Again](http://www.easy-song-writing.com/lyrics/W/WEIRD%20AL%20YANKOVIC%20Wont%20Eat%20Prunes%20Again.asp). Little Richard’s Good Golly Miss Molly? ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/95 "2007-07-26T15:09:35Z")
_Working Class Hero_ either the John Lennon or Marianne Faithfull version, or for that matter anything by Marianne Faithfull ---
**Author:** ![Kokopilau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Kokopilau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kokopilau)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/96 "2007-07-26T18:12:49Z")
“Volvo Driving Soccer Mom”, by Everclear. ---
**Author:** ![I\_m\_No\_Saint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/977dab/32.png) [@I\_m\_No\_Saint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_m_No_Saint)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/97 "2007-07-26T19:27:00Z")
Strokin’ -Clarence Carter ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/98 "2007-07-26T19:46:28Z")
[QUOTE=flight] Nothing by Tom Waits, clean or dirty, will ever be on that show. [/QUOTE] Listen to [The Early Years Vol. 2](http://www.amazon.com/Early-Years-Vol-2/dp/B000002NVJ/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-6922926-5351221?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1185479101&sr=8-1). Any of these songs would be appropriate for a “low-key” song on AI\> Joe ---
**Author:** ![kitemaker\_chuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a88e4f/32.png) [@kitemaker\_chuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitemaker_chuck)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/99 "2007-07-26T20:19:13Z")
(1) “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” by Tiny Tim (2) “They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha” by Napolean XIV (3) “Ah Ah, Yawa Em Ekat Ot Gnimoc Er’yeht” by VIX naelopaN (That’s “They’re Coming To take Me Away, Ha Ha” played backwards on the flip side of the original 45.) (4) “Dead Babies” by Alice Cooper ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2007, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/100 "2007-07-26T23:36:42Z")
[QUOTE=Miss Purl McKnittington] I am picturing Clay Aiken singing this and it feels very _wrong_. However, I expect that Carrie Underwood could actually sing this without missing the point (as part of a musical production; I don’t think a song praising the necessity of slavery would make it very far otherwise), but not on _American Idol_. [/QUOTE] I think the point of “Molasses to Rum” was not that slavery was just fine, but that the Northerners were enormous hypocrites to protest against people being bought and sold when they were profiting indirectly from those sales through the triangle trade. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922.md?page=6)