# Songs to take oversized mallets to **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** music\ **Created:** [February 19, 2020, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183 "2020-02-19T17:30:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/41 "2021-08-02T19:33:48Z")
> [@BrickBat](#): > > Even though I did my best to dodge listening to it, through being a captured audience I could make out that it was ballad about a girl whose soldier boyfriend was off to combat ( Vietnam? ) Unspecified but Paper Lace referenced the Civil War for their “Top of the Pops” performance. [https://i.ytimg.com/vi/6cdFuMgMkBM/hqdefault.jpg](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/6cdFuMgMkBM/hqdefault.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![tricoteuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tricoteuse/32/4334_2.png) [@tricoteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tricoteuse)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/42 "2021-08-02T20:00:50Z")
“What’s Up” by Four Non Blondes. As long as I can hit it with a fire ax and not just a hammer. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/43 "2021-08-02T22:20:02Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Mallet-worthy to me are the songs that have the lines: “Our house… in the middle of the…”, Not to mention “our house is a very very very very very fine house.” (possibly too many very’s in there, but you get the idea.) My candidate: “Almost cut my hair.” Amazingly enough, from the same album. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/44 "2021-08-02T22:40:59Z")
“I Want A Hero” (Bonnie Tyler) deserves a whopping hit by a rocket-powered mallet from the Acme Co. It was playing in all its overwrought glory at Lowe’s yesterday afternoon as I was buying bags of Black Kow composted manure. Before I could get out of there the chorus must’ve repeated about 128 times: I need a hero I’m holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night He’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast Imagine the poor drunken slob who picks her up at a bar and is treated to that spiel. He’ll be fast alright…heading in the opposite direction. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/45 "2021-08-02T22:46:14Z")
The song’s actual title is “The 59th Street Bridge Song.” Thankfully, Hy-Vee has given up the “Our House” commercials, at least for now. It’s a Midwestern grocery store chain. And what’s with “Our House”, anyway? Did it go to public domain status? I’m also glad that I don’t hear Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” every time I walk into a store. Until a few years ago, that seemed a staple of piped-in music. I get that it’s inspirational, but c’mon, we’ve heard it millions of times. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/46 "2021-08-02T22:47:33Z")
Might it have been “The Night Chicago Died”? When I was in college, almost 30 years ago, a local music critic said he realized he was an adult when he heard it and didn’t think it was really that bad of a song. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/47 "2021-08-02T22:53:35Z")
All versions of Last Kiss, especially the Pearl Jam version. As an honorable mention, I would like to add Loving You by Minnie Rippyton or whatever that last name is. I DJ’d a wedding reception, the bride wanted that song. I told her it would cost her $100. She thought I was joking. That song was not played that day. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/48 "2021-08-02T23:12:52Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Gustav Mahler’s 6th Symphony? Super curious for an elaboration. Not a Mahler scholar (I’d holler), but familiar with his 4th, 8th (Symphony of a Thousand), and 9th (that fourth movement just curbstomps me, more so with each listen). > [@Skywatcher](#): > > The smiley was affectionately called “Smashie” aaaaawwwwww 🤗 🤗 🤗 > [@jaycat](#): > > Not to mention “our house is a very very very very very fine house.” (possibly too many very’s in there, but you get the idea.) > > My candidate: “Almost cut my hair.” Amazingly enough, from the same album. I must have a hippie soft spot for those cads. Sure, freaking twee, especially “…House”, but I shake down with it ok. They do probably my favourtie harmonizing. (unlike Extreme’s “More Than Words”, which makes me break out the ole M1A1 Bazooka) > [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Mallet-worthy to me are the songs that have the lines: “Our house… in the middle of the…”, No idea what all the fuss is about with “Our House” when really “Come On Eileen” is the pukelode we should be homing in on… > [@Jackmannii](#): > > “I Want A Hero” (Bonnie Tyler) deserves a whopping hit by a rocket-powered mallet from the Acme Co. > > It was playing in all its overwrought glory at Lowe’s yesterday afternoon as I was buying bags of Black Kow composted manure. Before I could get out of there the chorus must’ve repeated about 128 times: > > I need a hero > I’m holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night > He’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast Excellent call. Reminds me of Des’ree’s “You Gotta Be”, which I’ve often amended the lyrics to “You gotta black, you gotta be hung, you gotta be ri–i-ii-i-i-ich…” As for Bonnie - is _anything_ of hers salvageable? > [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I’m also glad that I don’t hear Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” every time I walk into a store. Until a few years ago, that seemed a staple of piped-in music. I get that it’s inspirational, but c’mon, we’ve heard it millions of times. I’ll go with Eddie Money’s version, making me want to write him a long, thoughtful letter requesting that he doesn’t plan on any re-vamping of his career. (“She was sh-sh-sh-_SHAKIN!_” was kinda vomitose too; the video makes him look, well, like a [complete and utter doofus.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tcD_dVcXE4)) ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/49 "2021-08-02T23:24:28Z")
[Mahler orchestrated for a big hammer. Because when the whole welt is a nagel…](https://thelistenersclub.com/2019/11/08/mahlers-sixth-symphony-the-hammer-blow-of-fate/) ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2021, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/50 "2021-08-02T23:34:09Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Good King Yakko’s mania… Is that a polka version of the “Anvil Chorus”? [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/MdX3T_Kjcos/maxresdefault.jpg "Il Trovatore Anvil Chorus Met Opera") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdX3T_Kjcos&t=60) ---
**Author:** ![gnarator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gnarator/32/8266_2.png) [@gnarator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnarator)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2021, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/51 "2021-08-03T00:07:03Z")
[I hate that song, too.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-most-annoying-popular-song-of-all-time/918045/11) I’d beat it to death with an axe. But this is good: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/32FB-gYr49Y/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AH-BIAC4AOKAgwIABABGHIgXShCMA8=&rs=AOn4CLC5zaPIKwgmEc1_eH6nktmvBvFziQ "He Man - What's Going On - High Quality (Four Non Blondes)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32FB-gYr49Y) ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2021, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/52 "2021-08-03T00:08:37Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Mahler orchestrated for a big hammer. Because when the whole welt is a nagel… Thanks! That was a very sprightly read! A good kind of mallet, then. Durned curious now, and will listen to the, hmmm, maybe the Micheal Tilson Thomas link. ETA: That link didn’t work, so went with the Budapest Festival Orchestra one instead. ---
**Author:** ![Tabco](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tabco/32/7644_2.png) [@Tabco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabco)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2021, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/53 "2021-08-03T00:18:40Z")
_Pure_ by Lightning Seeds would be my nominee. It was one of my mom’s favorite songs so I was subjected to it frequently. My dad didn’t care for it either and her decision to play the song on the stereo has caused more than one argument. My disdain for it is probably more personal since I don’t know that the song is actually _bad._ [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/HZFJVAaSOrE/maxresdefault.jpg "Lightning Seeds - Pure HD") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZFJVAaSOrE) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2021, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/54 "2021-08-03T00:26:03Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > I took one for the team and I can now say I hate that song with a greater passion and depth of feeling. It’s mostly the same, but the third verse pretty much says: _Goodbye my dear wife, you cheating slut, I’m going to haunt you forever._ It gets worse. In Brel’s original (French) version, there’s another verse to “Antoine,” who had cheated with the wife. ---
**Author:** ![tricoteuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tricoteuse/32/4334_2.png) [@tricoteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tricoteuse)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2021, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/55 "2021-08-03T12:47:43Z")
🤣 Someone had too much free time on their hands and I’m glad they did! My brothers and I thought that show was the best thing ever back in the day but looking back it’s one of the campiest things that ever made it on mainstream tv. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2021, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/56 "2021-08-03T13:43:01Z")
MacArthur Park - nothing is more grating to my ears. How it achieved any airplay at all must be credited to payola. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/tRwYQgk05DY/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AH-BIAC4AOKAgwIABABGGUgXCg0MA8=&rs=AOn4CLBrw667MILFBS58ic1UEVrjY-3NdQ "Richard Harris MacArthur Park") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRwYQgk05DY) ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2021, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/57 "2021-08-05T00:42:07Z")
“Rockin’ Robin” could use a good rude fire extinguisher. ---
**Author:** ![tricoteuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tricoteuse/32/4334_2.png) [@tricoteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tricoteuse)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2021, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/58 "2021-08-05T15:34:11Z")
I would be happy to see “Exes and Ohs” get the cartoon sledgehammer treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2021, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/59 "2021-12-08T00:57:46Z")
Really had to zombie this, after hearing this today while getting groceries: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/3wxyN3z9PL4/maxresdefault.jpg "Starship - Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now (Official Music Video) [HD]") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wxyN3z9PL4) ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2021, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/60 "2021-12-08T01:57:33Z")
Not having a good day. Just now on TV was reminded of this: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/s09LuDYX12g/maxresdefault.jpg "Kool & The Gang - Cherish") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s09LuDYX12g) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183.md?page=4)