# Songs to take oversized mallets to **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** music\ **Created:** [February 19, 2020, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183 "2020-02-19T17:30:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2021, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/61 "2021-12-08T04:42:50Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > a guy about to kill himself About to die of leukemia, in the English version, if the inspiration story is accurate. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2021, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/62 "2021-12-12T07:24:20Z")
Hey, Soul Sister Anything by Dave Grohl And… > [@CalMeacham](#): > > But that’s not the worst part. The song has a weird way with tempo. It sounds as if they recorded it, pressed a disc of the song, then drilled a hole off-center , put it on the spindle through that hole, played the record, and recorded THAT take and turned it into the commercial release. What a strange, wonderful description of how that sounds. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2021, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/63 "2021-12-12T16:22:56Z")
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: _Because I love You (The Postman Song)_ by Stevie B. Horrible in its own right, I swear he recorded his vocal track _sans_ accompaniment and then put instruments on top. It’s the only way to explain his pitch drift and timing miscues. ---
**Author:** ![Ziberian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/919ad9/32.png) [@Ziberian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ziberian)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2021, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/64 "2021-12-12T16:40:51Z")
Hotel California. Yes, I know I’m swimming upstream here, but oh, how I would like to take a mallet to that song. Those awful 70s songs (Seasons in the Sun, You Light Up My Life, MacArthur Park, etc) don’t get much play anymore, but Hotel California pops up _everywhere_, as if the universe derives perverse pleasure in shoving this dreck in my ears. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2021, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/65 "2021-12-12T16:45:51Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > > [@CalMeacham](#): > > > > But that’s not the worst part. The song has a weird way with tempo. It sounds as if they recorded it, pressed a disc of the song, then drilled a hole off-center , put it on the spindle through that hole, played the record, and recorded THAT take and turned it into the commercial release. > > What a strange, wonderful description of how that sounds. Another song in which that may have been done was “There Goes My Baby” by The Drifters. It has dreadful sound quality (seemingly recorded in a giant bathtub) and off-key singing (the bass singer memorably flubs a low note at the beginning of the song). One of the Ertegun brothers who owned Atlantic Records at the time was appalled and wanted to re-record it, but was convinced to release the record and it became a big hit. ---
**Author:** ![BrickBat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@BrickBat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrickBat)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2021, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/66 "2021-12-12T19:31:15Z")
> [@Ziberian](#): > > Hotel California. Yes, I know I’m swimming upstream here, but oh, how I would like to take a mallet to that song I never did get why so many people went so apeshit for this song and the album itself. One detail of this sing that irked me was the vocalist seemed to sing with a strange affectation; as if trying to sound like he was singing in Spanish accented English. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2021, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/67 "2021-12-12T21:25:44Z")
Warming up the hydrogen bombs for… “Babe” by Styx. No. Just no. I saw a comic, maybe in National Lampoon…a pianist has a brandy snifter for tips on the baby grand. The sign says, “Requests $1. ‘Feelings’ $500.” ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2021, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/68 "2021-12-12T22:05:30Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > It was playing in all its overwrought glory at Lowe’s yesterday afternoon as I was buying bags of Black Kow composted manure. Ironically if I had to pick one song from _Aja_ to take a mallet to it might be Black Cow. Although I might instead pick _Home at Last_ due to its odd combination of saccharine and pretentiousness, it at least does something different from the rest of the songs, as opposed to Black Cow which isn’t bad _per se_ but doesn’t explore more territory than the rest of the album’s better tracks. ---
**Author:** ![BrickBat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@BrickBat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrickBat)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2021, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/69 "2021-12-12T22:22:08Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > “Babe” by Styx. No. Just no. One dry heaves worthy memory was in high school when hearing of some people who were going to attend a Styx concert. One of the girls going was telling some her girl friends ( while near clutching her heart ) “Ohh…I just heard ‘Babe’ on the radio…I’m so psyched!!!”, with her friends swooning. ---
**Author:** ![Ziberian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/919ad9/32.png) [@Ziberian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ziberian)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2021, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/70 "2021-12-12T23:59:58Z")
> [@BrickBat](#): > > > [@Ziberian](#): > > > > Hotel California. Yes, I know I’m swimming upstream here, but oh, how I would like to take a mallet to that song > > I never did get why so many people went so apeshit for this song and the album itself. One detail of this sing that irked me was the vocalist seemed to sing with a strange affectation; as if trying to sound like he was singing in Spanish accented English. I have no idea why I hate it so much, but that could definitely be a part of it. I can’t think about it often because every time I do it takes me days to shake the earwig that causes. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2021, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/71 "2021-12-13T00:51:47Z")
Not a song per se, but many derivative dance/remix/instrumental/club mix versions of decent original songs. Unsure how many terrible versions of Destination Calabria exist. Enough to fill a small stadium? ---
**Author:** ![phxjcc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phxjcc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phxjcc)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2021, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/72 "2021-12-14T18:59:47Z")
Cher: Believe stop, just stop. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2021, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/73 "2021-12-14T20:20:48Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > Hey, Soul Sister A related song that stinks is the new turd crapped out by Kid Rock. I won’t link to this abomination, but if you are curious, it is called Don’t Tell Me How to Live. Top two comments on the music video: Kid Rock is a set of truck nuts come to life. This is the kind of song you listen to while you’re using a monster energy drink can as a flesh light ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2021, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/74 "2021-12-14T23:20:20Z")
And then take that mallet to every crappy song that uses the same awful, auto-tuned, robot-voice -sounding garbage as well. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2021, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/75 "2021-12-14T23:25:37Z")
> [@phxjcc](#): > > Cher: Believe > > stop, just stop. Streetlights people, Livin’ just to find emotion ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2021, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/76 "2021-12-14T23:28:03Z")
Only the Joni Mitchell version is decent. The rest can go away. Same with _Santa Baby,_ it is Eartha or no one. > [@salinqmind1](#): > > Feelin’ Groovy is bad? OK, go ahead, trash one of my most loved songs, that conjures up past visions of a better time, when life stretched ahead, full of possibilities. And walking through a green park with your friends, and kicking down the cobblestones in the sun. Peace and joy, man. Yeah, I kinda like that song… but not too often, if you get my drift. > [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > …“Come On Eileen” is the pukelode we should be homing in on… Yeah, I hate that song. > [@smithsb](#): > > MacArthur Park - nothing is more grating to my ears. How it achieved any airplay at all must be credited to payola. Horrible. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2021, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/77 "2021-12-14T23:43:23Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > Kid Rock is a set of truck nuts come to life. Oh, Frick, that’s funny. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2021, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/78 "2021-12-14T23:55:46Z")
It is hilarious, but also one of the most accurate descriptions I could ever think of for him. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2021, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/79 "2021-12-15T00:11:14Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > …with _Santa Baby,_ it is Eartha or no one. DrDeth is correct. Did I really say that? 🤨 ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2021, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/80 "2021-12-15T00:49:10Z")
You’re as cold as ice You’re willing to sacrifice our love You want paradise But someday you’ll pay the price Ugh. Foreigner was a chronic offender. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183.md?page=5)