# Songs to take oversized mallets to **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** music\ **Created:** [February 19, 2020, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183 "2020-02-19T17:30:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Disinfectus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/disinfectus/32/11085_2.png) [@Disinfectus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disinfectus)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2023, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/161 "2023-08-12T17:43:52Z")
> [@AncientHumanoid](#): > > Skyrockets in flight, afternoon **KABOOM!!** The worst part is that Starland Vocal Band received a Grammy for Best New Artist in 1976 thanks to the success of that horrid song. Who did they beat, you might ask? Boston, and The Brothers Johnson, among others. And it won another Grammy for Best Arrangement of Voices. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/162 "2023-10-11T04:27:52Z")
Every single note of this song hurts, as does every second of this porridge-like video. Insurance should be taken out against it. “Your Love” - The Outfield [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/4N1iwQxiHrs/maxresdefault.jpg "The Outfield - Your Love (Official HD Video)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N1iwQxiHrs) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/163 "2023-10-11T05:28:16Z")
“Your Love” is one of those songs that people don’t like as much after they realize what it’s really about. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/164 "2023-10-11T05:43:31Z")
> [@XOldiesJock](#): > > hearing “Sylvia’s Mother,” a particularly awful song by Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show that was a Top 40 hit in 1972. Wowo, sappy _and_ bad. > [@AncientHumanoid](#): > > Skyrockets in flight, afternoon **KABOOM!!** I love _Afternoon Delight._ Maybe you arent old enuf? ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/165 "2023-10-11T07:24:44Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Terry Jacks’ _Seasons in the Sun_ (1974). A massively depressing song by a guy about to kill himself (to paraphrase Dave Barry about another song “It’s about a guy dying, but not fast enough.”). It get’s worse. The flip side of the 45 was an awful tune about a dying dog but it had lyrics that sounded somewhat porny. [“_Put the bone in, she begged him_”](https://youtu.be/2_pX1-IxRBY?si=IvnZRfDHyHm3nKVI) ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/166 "2023-10-11T13:44:39Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > “Your Love” is one of those songs that people don’t like as much after they realize what it’s really about. I love that song, partly because the lyrics make it more interesting. Little girl, he told you up front. As you’re leaving, please won’t you close the door? ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/167 "2023-10-11T13:46:31Z")
But even more tugging at the heartstrings is the way TJ sung [“'Cuz my doggie…been hit…by a _c-a-a-r-r-r-r_…”](https://youtu.be/80E_vNcG4gc?t=8) ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/168 "2023-10-11T13:52:10Z")
Eeeeewwww! 😳 It’s much better with the sound muted, though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/169 "2023-10-11T14:06:44Z")
I’m not sure I follow. Josie (presumably the narrator’s wife or girlfriend) is far away on vacation, so he wants to ‘use’ another woman for a sexual liaison. He likes his girls a little bit older, so 16 instead of 14? Okay, just kidding about that part. But what’s significant about closing the door? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/170 "2023-10-11T14:18:28Z")
It’s just cold. Basically, don’t come around here no more. ---
**Author:** ![veryfrank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/87869e/32.png) [@veryfrank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/veryfrank)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2023, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/171 "2023-10-11T14:27:19Z")
As this thread got revived, I was reminded of my teenage years working at a stationery/tobacco store, where the manager insisted on having Ottawa’s main easy-listening station playing during business hours. What I noticed then about such stations is that the charts never changed. I was there for a couple of years and their playlist was identical when I left as it was when I arrived. In addition to the studied blandness–“Soft and easy favorites…for when company comes over.” said one announcement–the ads were largely for funeral homes (thirty-four years later, I can still hum “McAvoy Shields/Funeral Home and Chaaaa-pel/Caaa-ring for people.”) with the occasional anti-abortion spot sprinkled in. To think of the songs now cause me pain: “My Eyes Adored You,” “We Had It All” (there’s a spot in hell reserved for Ronnie Milsap), plenty of Anne Murray and, for some inexplicable reason, a cover version of “Light My Fire” that seemed to have been transposed into a major key and had all the edges sanded off. One time (ONE time) when I was behind the counter, they played “Sleep Walk” by Santo & Johnny, which is actually a really beautiful instrumental track. I was kind of transfixed, and was waiting for the song to end so that I could find out who the artist was. There was a couple standing at the counter, with smiles that seemed almost ominous. The second the song ended and the DJ announced who the song was by, both people in front of me began yacking loudly over top of it. It was years before I heard the track again and found out who it was. I’m sure whoever programmed the song that afternoon was promptly taken outside the radio station and beaten to death with lace doilies and sensible pantsuits (it probably took a while). A propos to nothing, but I just got to rememberin’. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2023, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/172 "2023-10-14T17:38:39Z")
Diana Ross - bless her heart - absolute Motown doyenne, stumbled _badly_ with “Theme From Mahogany”, which got the proper treatment [here with this instrumental version.](https://youtu.be/uWRtixSDFbA?t=1239) ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2023, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/173 "2023-10-14T20:23:40Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Terry Jacks’ _Seasons in the Sun_ (1974). A massively depressing song by a guy about to kill himself No, not kill himself, just about to die. True, that song could depress a hyena. > **[Seasons in the Sun](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasons_in_the_Sun)** > > "Seasons in the Sun" is an English-language adaptation of the 1961 Belgian song "Le Moribond" ("The Dying Man") by singer-songwriter Jacques Brel with lyrics rewritten in 1963 by American singer-poet Rod McKuen, portraying a dying man's farewell to his loved ones. It became a worldwide hit in 1974 for Canadian singer Terry Jacks and became a Christmas number one in the UK in 1999 for Westlife. > The first version of the song was recorded by Brel, who reportedly wrote it in a brothel in Tangiers. S... ---
**Author:** ![Disinfectus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/disinfectus/32/11085_2.png) [@Disinfectus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disinfectus)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2023, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/174 "2023-10-16T15:36:38Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I love _Afternoon Delight._ Maybe you arent old enuf? I’m old enough. That song is the musical equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/175 "2023-10-18T01:00:17Z")
Hey young _or_ old - yeah, gross. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/7ynZYlQ8bpA/maxresdefault.jpg "Michael And Maeby Sing "Afternoon Delight" - Arrested Development") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ynZYlQ8bpA&t=95) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2023, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/176 "2023-10-21T04:51:53Z")
> [@Disinfectus](#): > > I’m old enough. That song is the musical equivalent of nails on a chalkboard +5,000,000 ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2023, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/177 "2023-10-21T18:04:45Z")
Not technically a song, but the first chord of _1877Kars4Kids_ makes me reach for the off button. _In the Year 2525_ may be the worst popular song ever _Ballad of the Green Berets_ may be the sappiest piece of soldier worship ever. Yes, _Seasons in the Sun_ has some of the lamest lyrics of all time. Sappy and silly, I nominate _Do You Know the Way to San Jose?_ I song can be catchy but still stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2023, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/178 "2023-10-21T18:15:32Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Not technically a song, but the first chord of _1877Kars4Kids_ makes me reach for the off button. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/iDjX4-LKqCA/maxresdefault.jpg "The Good Place (Episode Highlight)- Marc Evan Jackson sings 1 877 Kars for Kids") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDjX4-LKqCA) ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2023, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/179 "2023-10-21T20:33:36Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Not technically a song, but the first chord of _1877Kars4Kids_ makes me reach for the off button. Well, yes, for every sane person on this planet. ---
**Author:** ![Disinfectus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/disinfectus/32/11085_2.png) [@Disinfectus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disinfectus)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2023, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183/180 "2023-10-22T18:51:28Z")
I believe the true purpose of the Kars4Kids commercial is to prematurely wear out the mute button and volume controls in car stereos. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-to-take-oversized-mallets-to/848183.md?page=10)