# Songs where the object of affection is NOT attractive... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 27, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596 "2012-07-27T19:15:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/41 "2012-07-28T04:49:36Z")
An old hare hoar, And an old hare hoar, Is very good meat in Lent But a hare that is hoar Is too much for a score When it hoars ere it be spent. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/42 "2012-07-28T04:54:57Z")
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun; Coral is far more red than her lips’ red; If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun; If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head. I have seen roses damasked, red and white, But no such roses see I in her cheeks; And in some perfumes is there more delight Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know That music hath a far more pleasing sound; I grant I never saw a goddess go; My mistress when she walks treads on the ground. And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare As any she belied with false compare. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/43 "2012-07-28T05:17:52Z")
Gram Parsons: _She_ but he didn’t mind if she wasn’t very pretty for deep inside his heart he knew she was the only one ooh, but she sure could sing ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/44 "2012-07-28T05:52:30Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > The Chelsea Hotel No. 2 > > Supposedly about Leonard Cohen and Janis Joplin, neither of which were particularly physically attractive. I came in here to say this, and there’s no supposedly about it - Leonard Cohen describes writing it about Janice Joplin when he performs it live. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/45 "2012-07-29T03:11:00Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > You Got What It Takes - The Dave Clark Five > [@Ponch8](#): > > Dave Clark Five’s “You Got What It Takes”: Nobody can touch Mike Smith’s performance of this song (it’s my favorite DC5 record), but just so you know, it was first recorded in 1959 by Marv Johnson. My entry in the sweepstakes is The Lovin’ Spoonful’s **Bald Headed Lena**. (I don’t know if it’s their song or a cover.) _Bald Headed Lena Has anybody seen her Cute as she can be She’s got a cue ball head That’s hard as lead But she’s all right with me_ ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/46 "2012-07-29T03:52:34Z")
[The Lonely Island - “Dream Girl” (Brought to you by Chex Mix)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5LQSBN-qYo) “Dream girl you amaze me, all dressed in paisley Love how not one but both eyes are lazy When I first saw you you were drivin’ the bus Thick skin, strong nose like a rhinoceros” ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/47 "2012-07-29T04:55:02Z")
Joe Tex [Skinny Legs and All](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Sdib6gd190) ---
**Author:** ![dinahmoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dinahmoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dinahmoe)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/48 "2012-07-29T17:38:46Z")
Louis Jordan- **You’re My Meat.** ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/49 "2012-07-29T20:31:16Z")
A flashback from my childhood - The Banana Splits **Two Ton Tessie** ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/50 "2012-07-29T22:12:08Z")
**[Huggin’ and Chalkin’](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4fJVqWmWd0)**, Hoagy Carmichael: about how great it is to have a fat woman, and how you need a piece of chalk so you can tell where you began huggin’ her. **[Your Feet’s Too Big](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in1eK3x1PBI)**, Fats Waller **[The Freckle Song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNcjs30BZTs)** “She’s got freckles on her BUT: she’s nice.” **[Let’s Do Something Cheap and Superficial](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNKwX8DpDiw)**, Burt Reynolds ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2012, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/51 "2012-07-29T22:33:26Z")
[Big Boned Girl](http://youtu.be/_Knet6FCkRU) - k.d.lang [Big Legged Woman](http://youtu.be/fg0QaLxXoUA) - Jerry Lee Lewis ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/52 "2012-07-30T02:47:26Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Lyle Lovett - She’s Hot to Go Not sure she’s an object of _affection_… ---
**Author:** ![edwards\_beard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@edwards\_beard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwards_beard)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/53 "2012-07-30T03:40:30Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Lola perhaps? At the very least she walked like a woman and talked like a man which doesn’t sound all that great honestly. Is this a whoosh? I thought it was common knowledge that Lola wasn’t a she. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Me](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mr.Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Me)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/54 "2012-07-30T09:30:04Z")
Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson - [She’s The Sorta Sheila](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tua1_aSpOgk) - NSFW ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/55 "2012-07-30T12:30:34Z")
Solomon Burke’s “Uptight Good Woman” is about an ideal woman, not someone specific, but it contains the line: Now she don’t have a lot of pretty clothes and a pretty face Just two loving arms to keep warm and safe ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/56 "2012-07-30T13:14:34Z")
The Crystals’ “He’s Sure the Boy I Love” He doesn’t look like a movie star He doesn’t drive a Cadillac car He’s sure ain’t the boy I’d been dreaming of But he’s sure the boy I love ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/57 "2012-07-30T13:19:02Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls No, a fat bottom is _good._ ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/58 "2012-07-30T13:41:21Z")
Has no one yet mentioned **My Guy** by Mary Wells? _No muscle bound man Could take my hand From my guy. No handsome face Could ever take the place Of my guy_ I’m also rather fond of **[I Go For That](http://www.amazon.com/I-Go-For-That/dp/B004PAA7LI)** by Audrey Morris, in the “My Funny Valentine” vein: _Your kiss just misses, Your dancing is rough, But I like that stuff, I guess I don’t get around quite enough!_ And of course there’s Tom Lehrer’s [My Girl](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4p2iZTIDog)… ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/59 "2012-07-30T14:54:43Z")
Gilbert and Sullivan, [the Judge’s Song](http://www.victorianweb.org/mt/gilbert/judge.html) from Trial by Jury > [@](#): > > But I soon got tired of third-class journeys, > And dinners of bread and water; > So I fell in love with a rich attorney’s > Elderly, ugly daughter. > > CHORUS. So he fell in love with a rich attorney’s > Elderly, ugly daughter. > > JUDGE. The rich attorney, he jumped with joy, > And replied to my fond professions: > “You shall reap the reward of your pluck, my boy, > At the Bailey and Middlesex sessions. > You’ll soon get used to her looks,” said he, > "And a very nice girl you will find her! > **She may very well pass for forty-three > In the dusk, with a light behind her!"** ---
**Author:** ![tullsterx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tullsterx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tullsterx)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2012, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596/60 "2012-07-30T17:19:07Z")
Lyle Lovett - She’s Hot to Go Well I could handle it behind her And I like it on the side But don’t make me look around her man 'cause she’s Ugly-ugly-ugly-ugly-ugly [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-where-the-object-of-affection-is-not-attractive/629596.md?page=4)