# Sooo...anyone else marry into dysfunction? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 23, 2013, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sooo-anyone-else-marry-into-dysfunction/677031 "2013-12-23T20:21:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2014, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sooo-anyone-else-marry-into-dysfunction/677031/41 "2014-02-20T21:58:01Z")
Edit: Never mind. Computer being stoopid… Will try again later! ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2014, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sooo-anyone-else-marry-into-dysfunction/677031/42 "2014-02-20T22:41:34Z")
No, but I had someone marry a person who brought drama into the family. You yourself don’t have to marry into it to suffer from it. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2014, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sooo-anyone-else-marry-into-dysfunction/677031/43 "2014-02-20T23:18:44Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > Don’t give them money. Ever. A better idea is never give them money in the expectation of ever getting it back. If you can afford it and can accept the idea of carrying your in-laws, then go ahead. Or cut them off if that’s what you and your spouse agree on. But don’t think that giving them money or refusing to give them money is going to change them at this point. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2014, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sooo-anyone-else-marry-into-dysfunction/677031/44 "2014-02-20T23:57:44Z")
Hoo boy. My husband was an only child in his adoptive family and his parents were weird, but not totally dysfunctional. His birth family, though . . . wow. When he reunited with his birth family (he was 43, his mother was 64) he found not only his mother, but a grandmother, two half sisters, a brother-in-law and two nephews. Well. Grandma, in my opinion, was either a narcissist or had borderline personality disorder. God what terrible woman she was. Mom (my mother-in-law) has some kind of cognitive issues (my theory is it’s from an untreated head injury she had at age 10 - thanks Grandma, you bitch) coupled with the most stunning learned helplessness I’ve ever seen. You know those scams you hear about and you wonder who the bleep would be drawn in by such a transparent con? Well, I know who. Sister #1 is probably a borderline, in addition to just being batshit crazy. The latest is she’s disgusted with socialized medicine, so she’s moving to Ireland. :rolleyes: She can’t keep a job. Sister #2 is a nice person but absolutely free of any clues whatsoever. NO CONCEPT of pretty much anything but new age bullshit. Nothing complicated, mind you, just “crystals help my arthritis” or some such silliness. She can’t keep a job. On the plus side, one of the nephews is actually normal. The other makes up for it by being bizarre and - surprise - clueless in the extreme. He can’t keep a job. Thank goodness they live 3000 miles away, so no holiday or visiting obligations. Gah. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sooo-anyone-else-marry-into-dysfunction/677031/45 "2014-02-21T01:44:59Z")
Actually, the spouse and I carefully evaluated each other’s family and verified an equivalent level of dysfunction before partnering up. Mine are more flagrantly crazy, and we are not very good at acting normal. His are surprisingly good at acting normal, and, in my opinion, the more dangerous for it. I try to approach several of them, as I do all unpleasant things I cannot avoid, as a scientific study. > [@Fair\_Rarity](#): > > My family is dysfunctional, but at least we’re honest about it, for the most part. We know we’re fucked up and even have a rich, dark sense of humor about it. … > > My ex’s family appeared to be normal. I was so relieved to be part of a normal family that I missed warning signs. They were so much more screwed up than my family. At least my family doesn’t hit and we’re upfront about ourselves. The ex’s? They lie, cheat, steal, but then pretend YOU’RE the one who’s wrong. They’re insular, not close-knit. When I didn’t fit in, I thought it was me. Now I realize that even if it was me, it’s because I’m not a freak like them. So you can be not normal, but marrying into a different dysfunction can be pretty shitty too. > > It does give my family now an abundance of new things to laugh about. I think you have it even worse. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sooo-anyone-else-marry-into-dysfunction/677031.md?page=2)