# Sorry! Haven't You Figured Out By Now That \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Doesn't Speed-Up The Process? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2004, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-havent-you-figured-out-by-now-that-____________-doesnt-speed-up-the-process/252078 "2004-06-24T20:40:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-havent-you-figured-out-by-now-that-____________-doesnt-speed-up-the-process/252078/21 "2004-06-25T21:02:04Z")
For John: Sorry! Haven’t You Figured Out By Now That Refusing To Find An _Alternate_ Route Once You Become Aware that The One You are Traversing Upon is Blocked Doesn’t Speed-Up The Process? 😃 Personally, my pea brain cannot figure out that I should NEVER get out of my check-out lane for another “shorter” lane. Because it does not fail that the lane I abandon always flows faster than the second one I choose. Usually the latter lane is shorter because everyone else has noted that Sylvia the Sloth is running the register. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-havent-you-figured-out-by-now-that-____________-doesnt-speed-up-the-process/252078/22 "2004-06-25T22:26:02Z")
> [@SanguineSpider](#): > > Personally, I just run down people with my car. Gets 'em outta my way in a flash!..I also push check-writing idiots out of my way at the store. God, why do checkbooks even exist?! I’m curious **SanguineSpider** : In your suped-up, personal version of [Death Race 2000](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072856/), would you aim for the pedestrian on the left or on the right in [this picture](http://www.ctts.nrel.gov/transtimes/images/michelin_men.jpg)? Me, I’d swerve right and save a few bucks on auto body work. If I can offer you a little advice; if you ever find yourself in NYC, steer clear of Queens Boulevard. As far as those checkwriter’s at the supermarket go, (especially the one’s who don’t start filling out the damn thing until the last loaf of bread is packed into its own bag), I recommend the very unlady-like practice of ramming 'em with your cart in the event your push technique isn’t doing the trick. > [@gotpasswords](#): > > …Far too many of my users think that badgering me will get their problem solved faster…here’s a clue - the more you argue with me, the farther back in my queue your request will be pushed. Really annoy me, and I’ll go poke around SDMB for an hour or two before looking at your request again. **gotpasswords** , there’s someone I’d like you to meet. His name: [simple homer](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4333287&postcount=27). > [@Chefguy](#): > > My wife will turn the thermostat up to 90, the theory being that the house will get warmer quicker. I couldn’t get through to her until I started talking about energy consumption, which seems to have curbed this habit. A fintube will only radiate a certain amount of heat, for cripes sake… Guilty here too, **Chefguy**. I had no idea what a fintube even was until I googled it, but your sentence still holds true even if replace it with words like radiator, baseboard or radiant heat flooring. BTW, if you guys ever move from the Great White North to warmer environs, not only will you save a few bucks on heating costs, but there’s [a job opening in Oklahoma](http://www.fintubetech.com/careers/). > [@Fish](#): > > Waggling my finger under the tap while the water heats up. (Okay, okay, while the cool water washes down the drain and is replaced by hot water from the water heater.) I _know_ this doesn’t make the water get hot. But I do it anyway… **Fish** , please don’t tell me you also avoid looking at a pot of water heating up on the stovetop because it slows down the boiling process. > [@OneYogini](#): > > …banter… Thanks for the kind words. I’m humbled. I have a totally sincere and serious reading recommendation: David Sedaris’: ["_Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim_](http://www.npr.org/display_pages/features/feature_1919710.html)". If you like it even 1/10 as much as I did, it’ll still be damn well worth it. > [@Neidhart](#): > > …Back when I used to watch the weather reports on TV, I’d yell all manner of curses at the weatherman whenever he started yammering on about birdwatching, or a bake sale at the local Eastern Orthodox Church, or the frigging space shuttle – basically, anything _but_ the weather… **Neidhart** , I can only assume that makes [Willard Scott](http://www.msnbc.com/onair/bios/w_scott.asp) public enemy #1 and [Al Roker](http://www.roker.com/main.cfm) a pretty close 2nd. > [@Cosmopolitan](#): > > So, John, which road was it? Before I saw you mention the number of lanes I thought you were referring to Sunrise - I hate that bloody road. Well, that coupled with the fact that Sunrise doesn’t run north/south. Hiya **Cosmopolitan**! How’s it going Sweety? Long time no see! It was Wantagh Avenue, between Jerusalem (105) and the SSP - in front of that strip mall with the Burger King & Dunkin Donuts. Oh and by the way, I concur about good ole Rt. 27. If you want to make it to the Ribfest without the veggies going limp and the dip going sour, I strongly recommend Sunrise Hwy. should be avoided at all costs. > [@TJdude825](#): > > At red lights, I always go “OK, that’s long enough… ready… change… NOW! Nope, OK, how about… NOW! No?” I must say that’s not only irrational, but also nonsensical, and what’s more, it’s irrational. You shouldn’t look at the clock when the bell’s going to ring in 10 seconds, but you can’t help it… To add to the insanity factor **TJdude825** , I recommend you try that ritual whilst you have two elementary school-aged kids in the back seat singing the _“Red light, red light, please turn greeen. I never saw that light before”_ song. It makes the Simpon’s _‘are we there yet?’_ chant seem tame by comparison. > [@counsel wolf](#): > > My first boss used to stand beside the laser printer and try to pull the pages out of the machine in a effort to make it print faster. Suprisingly enough it didn’t work and my mentioning it wasn’t appreciated. (hey, it was my first job, I didn’t know enough to keep my mouth shut) Well **counsel wolf** , you could’ve scored a few brownie points if you found the _“Super Fast Draft Quality”_ setting. Who knows, you mighta become CEO in no time flat. > [@Mangetout](#): > > …The other one I see a lot of is people flashing their headlights at temporary traffic signals at night time (set up at roadworks), under the mistaken assumption that the doppler sensor on the top of the unit can see their lights… I flash my brights too, **Mangetout** - but for an entirely different purpose. Round these parts, there are cameras that take pictures of cars cutting yellow lights at major intersections. Snap, Process, Busted! A week later they send you a summons in the mail with a picture of you commiting the infraction. I flash my brights at all yellow lights I’m halfway through in an attempt to blind the camera. > [@tremorviolet](#): > > The crosswalk buttons aren’t designed to make the light change faster. What they do is make the cycle last _longer_ so pedestrians have enough time to cross the street. Without the pedestrian button, the light may cycle through to quickly for the pedestrian to safely cross…The stupid thing I do to make things hurry up? I repeatedly raise and drop my mouse to make the server hurry up. Annoys my coworkers immensely. 🙂 Thanks for the informative post **tremorviolet**. I’m sure you’d agree that the sign over the button that reads: “_PUSH BUTTON FOR WALK SIGNAL_” should be amended. > [@dwc1970](#): > > I have a bad habit of moving my hand around in a circle (as if to be reeling in a fishing line) when I get impatient. I do this with everything from waiting for slow web pages to load to trying to get the driver ahead of me to go if the light has changed to green and they have not yet moved. Failing that, I tap the car horn. At least in this case I have some degree of control. I also have a habit of repeatedly clicking on links to pages that don’t load quickly/ Guilty on both counts, **dwc1970**. The only difference is my hand does more of a _tossing dice_ motion originating from my crotch area. > [@PunditLisa](#): > > …Personally, my pea brain cannot figure out that I should NEVER get out of my check-out lane for another “shorter” lane. Because it does not fail that the lane I abandon always flows faster than the second one I choose. Usually the latter lane is shorter because everyone else has noted that Sylvia the Sloth is running the register. ROTFL **PunditLisa**! I know of what you speak. I’m still amazed over the fact that they allow plastic shopping bags in these stores. It’s amazing you never hear about impatient shoppers attempting to smother StS and her ilk. Oh wow! Look at the time. I gotta run! I’m having coconut daiquiri cocktails with [Chuck Noland this evening](http://www.moviepropking.com/redtom.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-havent-you-figured-out-by-now-that-____________-doesnt-speed-up-the-process/252078/23 "2004-06-25T23:11:40Z")
Actually, **JohnBckWLD** , I think I waggle my finger so when the water _does_ get very hot, I won’t get burned. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-havent-you-figured-out-by-now-that-____________-doesnt-speed-up-the-process/252078.md?page=1)