# Sorry, I am not your monkey (Responses to personal ads) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 24, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341 "2007-09-24T20:00:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/221 "2007-09-25T23:12:23Z")
Hey, no wishing death on a poster! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/222 "2007-09-25T23:40:46Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] Hey, no wishing death on a poster! [/QUOTE] I meant the vomit; not the death! ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/223 "2007-09-26T00:01:13Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] At the very least, she believes the children are our future. [/QUOTE] Well, hell, if I thought that I woulda popped some out. But that was so not gonna happen…yeesh. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/224 "2007-09-26T00:07:31Z")
[QUOTE=lobstermobster] Don’t worry I have tons of energy left over to hate lots of other things [/QUOTE] Well, that’s a relief! I certainly don’t want to use up all your hatred, given your attachment to it and all. Glad I could make a contribution! ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/225 "2007-09-26T00:12:16Z")
Hey hey! Let’s get this back to **Stoid** vs. **Jodi** , all right? 'Cause that was kinda hot. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/226 "2007-09-26T01:31:51Z")
[QUOTE=Bosstone] Hey hey! Let’s get this back to **Stoid** vs. **Jodi** , all right? 'Cause that was kinda hot. [/QUOTE] **John Mace** , I told you this was like the [Jan/Marcia](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=437665) thing; however, I did like the thread comparison you made, but I somehow missed when I looked yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/227 "2007-09-26T03:44:44Z")
[QUOTE=Stoid] I was looking for empathy. And I got it. I also knew I’d get some grief, but as I said, the intensity was out of proportion to what I wrote. But now I understand how you went there, at least. [/QUOTE] Ah, now I understand more. Still, if you were looking for empathy, then you take your chances in the Pit and itto bitch that you didn’t get the response you wanted seems like you need to review cliches about wrestlings with pigs. For better or for worse, I’ve never had the real experience with on-line dating, just limited to answering a few classified ads on a free paper in Tokyo. Like others, I just had a generic letter with a custom sentence thown in, “Oh, you like skiing, I’m from Utah, we’ve got great snow” or something, since investing a huge amount of time and evergy to get back a stupid reply “send ur pic,” seemed pointless. I met a few women who were pretty cool, and dated a few. My American friend over here paid for ads in the same paper (which got him a lager sized font and in the front) and, like **Blinking** tried out various ad to see what kind of hit ratios he would get. He’d try a “looking to get married” or “well to do and wants to play” etc., and for all of them, deleting dumb responses “send ur pic” took the most time. For chrissake, it’s mass mailing, and if you can get a 1 or 2% success rate you’re doing well. People talk about the volume of junk mail that they get, but it really only takes a few seconds to delete it all. I’m in sales. I stand at trade show booths and invite people to look in; 95% of the people don’t. Most don’t need what we’ve got and a vast majority of people don’t acknowledge me, but we do get people in who become our customers. You just can’t let the 95% get to you emotionally or you go nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/228 "2007-09-26T05:26:15Z")
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer] My American friend over here paid for ads in the same paper (which got him a \*\*lager sized font \*\* [/QUOTE] This sounds intriguing. I was previously unaware of the connection between beer yeast styles and printing. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/229 "2007-09-26T05:36:56Z")
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer] > [@](#): > > and itto bitch that you didn’t get the response you wanted seems like you need to review cliches about wrestlings with pigs. I didn’t bitch that i didn’t get the response that I wanted, i stated that I did and merely pondered the rest. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/230 "2007-09-26T09:53:31Z")
LOL I like long walks on the beach and fine dining. have sex w/ me plz ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/231 "2007-09-26T10:26:43Z")
…basically I agreed with you, with some nitpicks. [QUOTE=Stoid] “You sound really interesting. I’d love to talk to you. I’m 6’, brown eyes, in shape. Let’s talk!” -let’s not “Your ad is really interesting and unusual, I think I’d love to talk to you. I live in the 213 area, I’m 44, single, just looking for some fun. Let me know if I sound interesting to you.” Not in the slightest “Great ad. Here’s my number. Call me.” No. [/quote] Anything that can reduce the number of responses from bozos like this is a Good Thing. > [@](#): > > Let me make this clear: because I AM interesting and intelligent, I find being alone with my interesting self a much more appealing option than spending even a moment with someone who has as little to say as you do, bub. Seriously. I find the idea of keeping you entertained completely uninteresting. I grokked this one right away. Maybe I missed it somewhere in the third or fourth page, but there seemed to be a lack of recognition that people have all sorts of different levels of ability to keep themselves occupied and amused with interesting stuff. Some people spend a lot of time being bored, and filling the hole with the TV or whatever else they can find to make the minutes pass. Most Dopers, I’d expect, are near the opposite extreme: there aren’t enough free hours in life to do all the things we’d _like_ to do. Which segues into my comment on point #1 of the OP: anyone who’s bored enough with their lives to say so in a response to a personal ad should be Somebody Else’s Problem, AFAIAC. > [@](#): > > 1. Telling me or the world (in your own ad) that you are funny. Let me explain about funny. More than any other single personality trait, funny speaks for itself. Funny MUST speak for itself. Not least because funny is very subjective. So while many people will find you funny, many others won’t. And I promise you that I will probably NOT find you funny. So if you ARE funny, just BE funny, don’t SAY you are funny…saying you’re funny pretty much guarantees that you are NOT funny. > > 2. Same goes for sense of humor. (which is different than funny, and if you don’t understand that, you are not bright enough to bother about in the first place) I disagree here. I’m sure it’s overused, but back in the 1980s when I made my brief (and mildly successful) forays into the personal ads, my woman friends would have kicked my ass if I’d omitted mention of my sense of humor from my ads. Of course, it helped that I could say I had an off-the-wall, Marx/Python sort of sense of humor. That gets a bit more particular and descriptive. Kinda like saying “I have hair” v. “I have very curly brown hair.” > [@](#): > > 1. It is a rare, rare person that does NOT like to have fun. So saying you like to have fun is the definition of lame. And meaningless. And generic. And I don’t care, except that it does tell me how lame and meaningless and generic you are, so I get to avoid you. It’s been awhile since I read the personals, but my recollection is that this was a shorthand for “I want to get to the sex part pretty early in the game.” Maybe that’s changed. > [@](#): > > 1. Walks on the beach…WALKS ON THE FUCKING BEACH??? YOU are fucking KIDDING me, right? Get outta my face before I slap you. Yeppers. This was already an overused cliche 20 years ago. > [@](#): > > 1. “Fine dining” - Yer pretty special then, cuz most of us prefer Taco Bell. Some people genuinely _like_ going to tablecloth-and-cloth-napkin kinds of restaurants. If that’s where you go when you eat out, then nothing wrong with saying so. Just don’t say it as a bullshit line - the sort of “we’ll have lots of fine dining while I’m trying to impress you, but it’ll tail off when we’re a solid item, because I’m not really into it _that_ much” thing. > [@](#): > > 1. “haha” triggers my gag reflex. I’m sure it’s just me, but I’m just letting you know. So does LOL. In fact, LOL is worse, and will probably earn you an instant deletion. Anyone who types LOL is essentially managing to project their nervous laughter into their writing, ew. (And if not, you’re simply a dork, and I mean that in a really, really bad way.) > > 2. Taking the time to put in your ad/profile “no game players” is jsut stamping your forehead “stupid”. Think about it. Couldn’t agree more. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/232 "2007-09-26T11:34:32Z")
[QUOTE=Stoid] The tiniest bit of sand in the wrong spot and ouch ouch ouch… [/QUOTE] Now now, every shimmering beautifully perfect pearl began as a small irritant nestled snugly in a slippery salty cleft. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lobstermobster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobstermobster/32/10033_2.png) [@lobstermobster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobstermobster)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/233 "2007-09-26T13:55:41Z")
[QUOTE=Bosstone] Hey hey! Let’s get this back to **Stoid** vs. **Jodi** , all right? 'Cause that was kinda hot. [/QUOTE] This is rude. I have every right to project my arrogance here. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/234 "2007-09-26T14:13:25Z")
[QUOTE=Chimera] This sounds intriguing. I was previously unaware of the connection between beer yeast styles and printing. 😛 [/QUOTE] :smack: The free ads were pale ale fonts, his was a lager and for even more money you could get a personal ad with a stout font, but only if you are a real man. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/235 "2007-09-26T14:25:06Z")
[QUOTE=RTFirefly] It’s been awhile since I read the personals, but my recollection is that this was a shorthand for “I want to get to the sex part pretty early in the game.” Maybe that’s changed. [/QUOTE] Really? I had no idea. I think the modern equivalent is NSA (No Strings Attached), and not everyone’s been let on the alternate meaning of ‘fun.’ > [@](#): > > 1. I like to have fun > This is the dumbest thing you can say in your personal. It’s sort of like saying, “I see things with my eyes”. The whole point of fun, is that you like it. There isn’t a person on the face of the planet that will admit that they don’t like to have fun. That’s not exactly an amazing trait to be listing. That’s from a Craigslist posting titled **Oh Yeah, About These Personal Ads, WTF?** Not particularly clever, but from a frustrated man’s perspective, so it’s interesting to compare. Especially this… > [@](#): > > **Hi! My name is Bethany and I’m 22. If you’re interested write me.** > > What’s there to be interested in? You’re giving us nothing but your name and age. I can’t say that I’m overly impressed. Maybe if you’re posting this in the Casual Encounters with a picture of yourself in some frilly lingerie, then maybe you could get away with that. But if you’re looking for a date to meet up with at a coffee shop, you’re gonna have to put down a little more than your name and age. If I’m supposed to try and talk to you for an hour or two over a cup of joe, I would hope that you can say more than “Hi! I’m Bethany! I’m 22!”. Because as it stands now, I’d be surprised if you could tell me the time off a digital watch. Of course, one can’t be sure how many of the ads he’s complaining about are spam. BTW Stoid, your OP could probably do some good on Craigslist. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/236 "2007-09-26T14:44:52Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight] Really? I had no idea. I think the modern equivalent is NSA (No Strings Attached), and not everyone’s been let on the alternate meaning of ‘fun.’ [/QUOTE] Heh. (Not arguing with you for once, **Cat Fight**.) I once fell foul of some mixed messages here, a tad over a quarter of a century ago when the personals were all in Latin. The girl who placed the ad did not intend “No Strings” to be code for “Why don’t we hop into bed on three hours’ acquaintance and see how we get on?”, but I didn’t know this and didn’t find out until after a couple or three months and some angsty letters that we had gone much, much further than she’d intended on a first date. :smack: I suspect that 22-year-old Bethany sees no need to advertise anything beyond the fact of being female and 22 to generate all the interest that she can handle, though I substantially agree with the rant. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/237 "2007-09-26T15:03:59Z")
[Quote=Stoid] 5) Walks on the beach…WALKS ON THE FUCKING BEACH??? YOU are fucking KIDDING me, right? Get outta my face before I slap you. [/quote] > [@RTFirefly](#): > > Yeppers. This was already an overused cliche 20 years ago. I’ve been staying out of this party, but I think I’ll join in on this point. When I was on one of those sites a few years back, that line showed up in too many profiles. The only line I recall as more common was variations on “I’m comfortable in jeans but I look good in a tux / fancy gown.” Should I ever go back on those sites, I think I’ll include this tidbit: “If your idea of an enjoyable walk on the beach does NOT involve a rubber body suit, a tight harness, and going off the deep end, please look somewhere else. If it DOES - let’s go diving! Air or Nitrox?” ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2007, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/238 "2007-09-26T15:10:57Z")
[QUOTE=RedFury] So, when are you headed for the Caribbean and/or Spain? 😉 [/QUOTE] You buying my ticket? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/239 "2007-09-27T00:21:21Z")
[QUOTE=lobstermobster] This is rude. I have every right to project my arrogance here. [/QUOTE] But why would you? Let Stoid fantasize that it all revolves around her and that you’re just living every day to die hating her. Don’t let on that she’s just an asshole on the freeway of life with her finger through the sunroof left wondering how come she doesn’t get the quality of men she thinks she deserves. I hate to be the one to break it to you, **lobstermobster** , but nobody is ever going to read _your_ posts and ever instantly visualize ‘Judith’ from ‘2 1/2 Men’. Try not to be too crushed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/240 "2007-09-27T15:23:39Z")
[QUOTE=you with the face] You buying my ticket? [/QUOTE] But of course…if you’re histerically funny, willing to “entertain me,” promise great sex (I don’t), enjoy being a couch potato more than walking on the beach (I’m w/ **Stoid** about sand getting into all the wrong places) and fine dining at Taco Bell, BK and KFC. Back to you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341.md?page=13)