# Sorry, I am not your monkey (Responses to personal ads) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 24, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341 "2007-09-24T20:00:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/121 "2007-09-25T13:46:05Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] I dunno…the walks on the beach thing…I take that as shorthand for “like to engage in long, comfortable conversation on things that are important to me.” Not that I’ve dated in 20 years, but…I never interpereted this statement literally. [/QUOTE] But what if the guy meant “I like remote surfing areas…”? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/122 "2007-09-25T13:46:38Z")
_stands up and claps_ **Autolycus,** you have arrived. I will buy you a beer when next you are in Brighton. **Stoid,** I want my black t-shirt back. ---
**Author:** ![athelas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@athelas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athelas)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/123 "2007-09-25T13:49:06Z")
[QUOTE=Stoid] But I can only assume that at least some of these intense reactors are taking it personally because they have actually sent out responses like that and identify with the people I’m ragging on. And if it isn’t that, what the hell is it? [/QUOTE] As unromantic as this sounds, I can only suggest that if the whole world hates you, it’s probably not because the whole world has a problem. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/124 "2007-09-25T14:05:28Z")
Here are some fun, real responses I’ve gotten from personal ads. Actually the worst have gotten deleted, but I have: > [@](#): > > Hello > > I am [first name] - looking for someone to enjoy doing things. Whether it be a movie a walk or just sitting talking. Do you have a picture? > > Here from you soon 🙂 Sorry, I don’t enjoy doing things or talking. > [@](#): > > 53 white male here This was the entire email… and I was 27 at the time. > [@](#): > > hi lets hook up let me know what u think Thanks. I guess your face shot of you, with your shaved head and long mangly beard, should speak for itself. Actually, looking back, I got emails from this same guy the previous time I posted my ad. He previously wrote: > [@](#): > > hay how r u what u think ? Guess the strategy isn’t working for him. > [@](#): > > Hi, > I read your post at craigslist and found you interesting. > I use yahoo messenger for online chat and for exchange of mails. > > The ID which you can use for the same is X > > Let me know if you are interested. > > Thanks n Byee. Byee indeed… > [@](#): > > What do you enjoy doing for fun? > > What do you look like? DO you have yahoo or msn messenger to chat? > > PS. I have a long thick one and went to ISU in the past. > [@](#): > > Hey i am a 19 year old mature guy that would like to get to know more about you! pic? > [@](#): > > I will be in Ames Iowa for only one night tomorrow.I > am looking for a nice date.(female over 18) > Thanks > [@](#): > > Hey > I dont know what to say, but I will tell you all about me when you respond to my email so that I know I am not waisting time. > PEACE! > [@](#): > > I saw your post on craigslists, and was wondering if you are interested in > me. > > I am an asian, living in X too. > > drop me a line if you are interested. and we will start from there. Like 90% of the responses are like these. It’s maddening. I tend to get about 60% illiterates with no information/communication, 20% foreign guys looking for a green card, 10% one night hookup offers and maybe 10% where it’s an actual email. And of those, a lot of them don’t sell themselves well: > [@](#): > > hi i’m [first and last name] a 35 year old male i think i’m smart i’m told i got a calming affect on women i like movies like cheaper by the dozen ,the prince and me , lara croft tomb raider cradle of life, in america , the island , star wars series ,some horror and just not musicals or documentraries i like music like lil kim, pink,pink floyde ,ac/dc,ozzy ,britney spears , christina aguilera ,gwen stefani ,no doubt , lords of acid ,and many more i have a sence of humour and love to take walks if you got yahoo im you can contact me at x and if you want to hear my voice you can call me at x i live in [town far away] and can not legally drive well hope to hear from you soon Oh, and of course, the weirdos, the pervs, the people with pictures of them and their ex-girlfriends, and – in my sister’s case – one guy who sent his wedding photos. Fortunately I don’t get the dick pictures. Iowa, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/125 "2007-09-25T14:15:40Z")
[QUOTE=Stoid] It is a bit of bragging, after a fashion. Since I am being very up front about the fact that I’m old and fat, I’m softening the picture that paints by letting you know that I must have a little bit of something going on to catch and keep (for 10 years, anyway) a much younger man, and also letting you know that I’m open to much younger men. [/QUOTE] You may not be interested in hearing my opinion, but I’ma give it anyway. A woman who truly has it going on and knows it never feels the need to point it out. Being old and fat doesn’t necessitate some mitigating follow-up statement unless you think these things limit your desirability, which they shouldn’t _unless for some reason they really do._ So be aware that your bragging here smells of insecurity and drastically takes away from your allure. If I were to read the same self-description from a “old and balding” man who mentioned, as you did, that his last relationship was with a woman young enough to be his daugher? Oh, the adjectives that come to mind. And none of them good. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/126 "2007-09-25T15:04:12Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] “Hi, I’m **Vinyl** , and I read your profile. I can tell you’re really smart and funny, which is not at all the same as having a sense of humor, but we both know that. Haha! Boy, I sure am bored. I think I like Taco Bell, I mean, if you think that’s cool. I can also not like it, if that’s better. I don’t like really like long walks on the beach, but I did once shoot an Arab who tried to stab me. Long story. Anyway, I’m into doing whatever… you want to hang sometime? No trannies, please. Light felching OK. Write back soon!” [/QUOTE] How does one felch, lightly? ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/127 "2007-09-25T15:20:38Z")
[QUOTE=GingerOfTheNorth] How does one felch, lightly? [/QUOTE] With one of those little cocktail straws. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/128 "2007-09-25T15:20:47Z")
[QUOTE=GingerOfTheNorth] How does one felch, lightly? [/QUOTE] You use one of those little coffee swizzles instead of a full-on drinking straw. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/129 "2007-09-25T15:22:03Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] You use one of those little coffee swizzles instead of a full-on drinking straw. [/QUOTE] (High-five) Jinx!You owe me a coke! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/130 "2007-09-25T15:26:00Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] [This?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=437665) [/QUOTE] No, [this.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=437718) ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/131 "2007-09-25T15:30:39Z")
Not a pit post, but fuck-it. It’s slow at work today and I have nothing else to do… [QUOTE=fluiddruid] …I tend to get about 60% illiterates with no information/communication, 20% foreign guys looking for a green card, 10% one night hookup offers and maybe 10% where it’s an actual email. And of those, a lot of them don’t sell themselves well… [/QUOTE] _Different Vantage Point Portion:_ When it comes to dating, the internet is a merely a supplemental vessel for meeting people. I think you’re putting much too much weight on it. You have to remember, most people view online introductions quite differently than they do a face to face, first impressions. Consider taking a step back and try following: Instead of hoping against hope that a few prospective dates will rise to your literacy standards and intrigue you via monitor & keyboard - use internet dating the same way 90%+ of online daters do. 1. Based on your other commitments, establish a dating schedule. Commit yourself to meeting x amount new people per week. 2. Always remember, everyone has access to the same number of prospects that you do. They’re not going to squander their time to submit a doctoral thesis attachment along with their reply. 3. From the vast pool available, weed-out the imbeciles, frauds and physically unattractive candidates. Contact the top 20 percentile of respondents with an e-mail reply. You’ll probably end up culling out a few more undesirables. 4. Exchange telephone numbers numbers with the possible keepers and have a conversation on the phone. This is the “pre” first impression stage. Any internet correspondence that occurred prior to that conversation is now moot. Purge it from your memory and ignore those trivialities that may have surfaced during the 'net stage. 5. If the phone conversation is going well, set up a date & write it into your schedule. It’s not like you’re committing to anything more serious than going to do something enjoyable with someone you’re meeting for the first time. 6. While getting ready for your date, remind yourself that within an hour or two, you’ll both be making your real first impression. _Nitpick Portion:_ [QUOTE=fluiddruid] > [@Asian Respondent](#): > > I am an asian, living in X too. > drop me a line if you are interested. and we will start from there. …Like 90% of the responses are like these. It’s maddening. I tend to get about 60% illiterates with no information/communication, **20% foreign guys looking for a green card** , 10% one night hookup offers and maybe 10% where it’s an actual email. [/quote] That Asian living nearby is using the 'net like they’re supposed to, essentially saying, _‘I liked your ad, maybe a date is in the cards. By the way, I’m pointing out my Asian background from the get-go because sometimes people are uncomfortable dating minorities, have a problem with my English proficiency or assume I’m a green-card coveting alien.’_ For all any of us know, by rolling your round eyes at that 21 word reply instead of replying, you might’ve passed up on a nice date. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/132 "2007-09-25T15:36:38Z")
[QUOTE=Stoid] It’s really interesting to me the level of venomous hostility I’m getting, most of it around the fact that I like myself, I think I’m cool and I don’t have a problem saying so. [/QUOTE] Well, I’m not sure you deserve the level of hostility, but this is the Pit, so take that for what it’s worth. What I’m getting (since it seems in your response to me that I have been reading and interpreting your ad fairly accurately so far) is not so much a sense of security and confidence and “I’m cool with myself” from the ad, but rather an exaggerated sense of self/overinflated ego. It has that “lady doth protest too much” and “man, she’s really full of herself, isn’t she?” vibe to it. Kinda like those guys who need to brag about the company they own, or fancy new car they have, or something like that. There’s a fine line between being secure with oneself and coming across like a megalomaniac, and, IMHO, you’ve crossed into the latter. Obviously, I’m not the only one latching on to that sense. Look at much of the rest of the responses in this thread. And, who knows? Maybe this ad will serve you fine. But I’m sure there are plenty of eligible and intelligent men with whom you might get along who read that ad and, forgive me for being so crass, simply think “crazy bitch.” Then again, maybe you really don’t want to talk to these guys in the first place. I think you’re needlessly editing these people out of the dating pool and may be missing out, but in the end it’s your call. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/133 "2007-09-25T15:38:23Z")
Why is a woman’s self-confidence, hey, even overinflated ego, still so threatening? Must we all be perpetually dieting and worrying about our worry lines? I got a lot of shit as a teen for loving my body and my brain, but I also ended up as the only girl in the grade without an eating disorder and/or abusive boyfriend. I’m tired of constant self-deprecation and low self-esteem – I’ll take smug self-satisfaction over endless 'Do I look fat?'s any day. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/134 "2007-09-25T15:39:48Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight] Why is a woman’s self-confidence, hey, even overinflated ego, still so threatening? [/QUOTE] It’s not. It’s an exaggerrated sense of self confidence that’s a turn-off. Just as it is in men, for me. Confidence is important to me in a partner. I don’t want a doormat. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/135 "2007-09-25T15:41:15Z")
[QUOTE=GingerOfTheNorth] How does one felch, lightly? [/QUOTE] No, VT didn’t say “lightly”, he said “light felching”. I recommend a 15-watt candle-bulb in the first instance, but beware of breakage. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/136 "2007-09-25T15:41:54Z")
[QUOTE=Stoid] It’s really interesting to me the level of venomous hostility I’m getting, most of it around the fact that I like myself, I think I’m cool and I don’t have a problem saying so. I can understand people reacting to that by some eye rolling, shrugging, a little sneering…but it’s been a whole lot more intense than that from some quarters, and not just from people who have a history of disliking me to fall back on. It’s really weird, it’s like I’ve somehow personally attacked the people on this board or something. Like TokyoPlayer’s response: “us slimeballs on a board she’ll condescend to post to” - among the most obvious, but not the only person to take it extremely personally. And I so don’t get it… the whole point of posting it here is that I view the Dope as populated with bright, interesting people who would completely understand my frustration. It wasn’t posted as: “I rock, you suck and I’m telling you about it”, it was much more like “I rock, you guys (mostly) rock, too, so you’ll feel my pain here” But I can only assume that at least some of these intense reactors are taking it personally because they have actually sent out responses like that and identify with the people I’m ragging on. And if it isn’t that, what the hell is it? Could it really be something so simple as the drawing the conclusion: “If she thinks she’s great, it must follow that she thinks others (probably me) are NOT great…because there’s only so much great to be had and she took it all, or thinks she did. Fuck her!” Like I said, finding my self-confidence about my personality unappealing or something similar is fine, i expect that, but a whole bunch of emotion behind it suggests something else entirely, and I’m pretty sure it’s something that doesn’t really have all that much to do with me. But it’s still weird. [/QUOTE] It’s not weird here. You can tell by their prose that many posters here don’t really like themselves. There are a few people that you can almost always count on some venom, too – which leads to pile-on venom. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/137 "2007-09-25T15:42:40Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight] I’ll take smug self-satisfaction over endless 'Do I look fat?'s any day. [/QUOTE] Well, thank God in real life there’s shades of grey in between, because I would take neither. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/138 "2007-09-25T15:44:26Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight] Why is a woman’s self-confidence, hey, even overinflated ego, still so threatening? Must we all be perpetually dieting and worrying about our worry lines? I got a lot of shit as a teen for loving my body and my brain, but I also ended up as the only girl in the grade without an eating disorder and/or abusive boyfriend. I’m tired of constant self-deprecation and low self-esteem – I’ll take smug self-satisfaction over endless 'Do I look fat?'s any day. [/QUOTE] Who said “threatening”? As if (were I in the market) **Stoid** would be in a position to _threaten_ me from the other side of the monitor! Just because men find your[sup]1[/sup] attitude repellent doesn’t mean they’re threatened by it - that’s just a lie you use to console yourself. :rolleyes: [sup]1[/sup] Rhetorical “your” and “you”, of course. But you knew that anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/139 "2007-09-25T16:00:39Z")
[QUOTE=pulykamell] Well, thank God in real life there’s shades of grey in between, because I would take neither. [/QUOTE] True, but I think it’s scary how women are just expected to hate some part of themselves. And this shit starts in grade school, when boys can be proud of their accomplishments and play the braggart but girls are encouraged to be hardworking but polite, or even to play dumb. I was sitting with a group of friends – beautiful, smart, with great jobs – and one of them (the tallest, thinnest one) said she was having a ‘fat day, you know?’ Everyone nodded in a greement then looked at me. Me: ‘I don’t have fat days. I’m not fat. And neither are any of you. I just don’t have the time for that bullshit.’ Ohhh the venom. It’s like when supermodels reassure everyone that they hate the way they look sometimes, just so there can be some comraderis with the ‘normals.’ I just can’t bond over that crap. (the book [Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters](http://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Girls-Starving-Daughters-Frightening/dp/0743287967/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-3416699-5971055?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190735754&sr=8-1) is all about this). I am certainly no fan of people who are sure they’re the shit and are really jerks, and might think differently if Stoid were like this at all times IRL, but because low self-esteem has become the norm, I actually find (sometimes overly) high self-esteem refreshing in women. Also, keep in mind Stoid is in L.A. Compared ot most residents, she’s being downright humble. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341/140 "2007-09-25T16:02:13Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight] Why is a woman’s self-confidence, hey, even overinflated ego, still so threatening? [/QUOTE] True confidence shouldn’t be threatening. But an “overinflated ego” by definition is too much, too much. So why should it be surprising that people have a problem with that? There’s nothing gender-specific about this. Read **Stoid’s** ad as if were coming from man. Do you really think you’d be as supportive about it? It’s a bit too much, too much no matter what is going on between the author’s legs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sorry-i-am-not-your-monkey-responses-to-personal-ads/420341.md?page=8)