# Sould we add Jesus to the cast of Star Trek: Enterprise? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 20, 2004, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175 "2004-02-20T07:29:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/1 "2004-02-20T07:29:37Z")
We’ve got Porthos! And Phlox. Vulcans and Xindi. Buddy Jesus might be a welcome character. Or do we need regular Jesus? I’ll be back with some script and plot ideas. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/2 "2004-02-20T07:30:22Z")
I repeat: what would Jesus need with a starship? ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/3 "2004-02-20T07:34:03Z")
i will also repost again: Jesus could turn water into Bloodwine, raise Kirk from the dead, feed the entire crew with only one replicator, get nailed to the warp core, smash up the Ferengi tax collectors, and return from the dead via transporter malfunction (this entire thread will soon be reposts from the Enterprise thread!) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/4 "2004-02-20T07:34:51Z")
Reposts are my repast. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/5 "2004-02-20T07:36:53Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Reposts are my repast. reposting this! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/6 "2004-02-20T07:39:03Z")
Trip is Jesus. T’Pol is Mary Magdelene. Mayweather is Judas Iscariot (Andrew Lloyd Webber reasons) Porthos is… Andrew? Phlox is Peter. Quantum is… Pilot! Ha ha ha ha ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/7 "2004-02-20T07:39:37Z")
Any engineer worth his salt could perform any of Jesus’ “miracles” by simply reversing the polarity of the hull. I would like to see T’Pol get in a debate with the son of God though. That would be intriguing. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/8 "2004-02-20T07:42:40Z")
T’Pol: The Vulcan Science Institute has determined Jesus is impossible Jesus: Hi, I’m Jesus… T’Pol: The Vulcan Science Institute is batting zero right now… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/9 "2004-02-20T07:44:30Z")
Reminds me of that night at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/10 "2004-02-20T07:46:19Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Any engineer worth his salt could perform any of Jesus’ “miracles” by simply reversing the polarity of the hull. Like that hot chick on Vendex Prime. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/11 "2004-02-20T07:49:47Z")
I’d like to reverse her polarity… (I mean by saving her soul, for Jesus!) ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/12 "2004-02-20T08:00:34Z")
From South Park: > [@](#): > > Stan: "You know, somebody once said, “don’t try to be a great man, just be a man.” > Jesus: “Who said that?” > Stan: “You did Jesus.” > Jesus: “You’re right Stan. Thank you boys!” (Drops the halo and gets up to fight Satan) > Kyle: “Wow, did he say that in the bible?” > Stan: “Nah, I saw it on Star Trek.” In the Star Trek universe, I think Kahless the Unforgettable is the “Jesus” character. At least for the Klingons. But I always saw that episode as a warning for our deep future generations, since religion will not go away, it is likely they will use the amazing technology of the future to pull a “fast one” some day on the rest of humanity. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/13 "2004-02-20T08:06:09Z")
No, no, no. Any Trekkie worth his salt knows that Q is god, as he implied in the TNG episode, “Tapestry”, where he brought Picard back from the dead. That means Jesus is really q, Q’s son that was born during Voyager. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/14 "2004-02-20T12:22:37Z")
Nah, Jesus is too busy with his gig on _South Park_. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/15 "2004-02-20T12:47:41Z")
> [@](#): > > No, no, no. Any Trekkie worth his salt knows that Q is god, as he implied in the TNG episode, “Tapestry”, where he brought Picard back from the dead. There was one Star Trek book where Q claimed to to have helped God out; he said as much to Picard, also stating: “Who do you think invented the duck-billed platypus?” ANd I thought: whoa, that’s the perfect line for Q. Creator f strange and wonderful creatures for kicks. > [@](#): > > But I always saw that episode as a warning for our deep future generations, since religion will not go away, it is likely they will use the amazing technology of the future to pull a “fast one” some day on the rest of humanity. Nah, Gene Roddenberry was just an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/16 "2004-02-20T15:14:02Z")
The problem is all the ceremonial trappings that may have to accompany even the simplest maneuver. Mayweather: “Xindi insectoid ship approaching.” Reed: “He’s firing.” Archer: “Jesus, fire torpedo!” Reed: “Uh, did you mean me, or were you just exclaming?” Archer: “I meant Christ, fire the torpedo!” Reed: “Uh, again sir, are you just -” Archer: “Lt. Christ, fire the damn torpedo!” Jesus: “There is no need to swear.” In the Torpedo Room. Jesus: “Prepare the Holy Torpedo of Antioch.” Ensign: “Uh, what? I’m new to weapons control!” Jesus: “Verily, Consult the Book of Armaments. And lo, Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one. And Saint Oppenheimer raised the atom up on high, saying, ‘O Lord, bless this thy fusion, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.’” And the Lord did grin. Jesus: “And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu -” Ensign: “Uh, sir, shouldn’t we hurry?” Jesus: “Quite so. First shalt thou set the Yield. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three…” Ensign: “Right, I’ve got…” Jesus: “Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then expel thou thy Holy Torpedo of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” Ensign: “Uh…” Jesus: “…men” The Xindi weapon strikes and blows Enterprise to Kingdom Come. Amen. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/17 "2004-02-20T15:40:13Z")
… Wax on. Wax off. ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/18 "2004-02-20T15:43:09Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Wax on. Wax off. Are you talking about removing unsightly pubic hair? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/19 "2004-02-20T15:49:27Z")
oooh! Or maybe they’ll run into one of herbert’s Voidships! Then, they could have a Jesus Incident. Of course, angelic communication would negate any need for subspace radio. What else would be different having the Son of God on board? The whole chain of command thing would be a little sticky. Oh yeah, he would have to smite Trip for fornication and bestiality. She _is_ a different species, you know. And he would constantly be telling to turn the other cheek. He would tell Hoshi to stop translating. Jesus: “If English is good enough for me…!” Phlox would never lose another patient. Except those that lacked faith. Quantum: “Oh boy.” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/20 "2004-02-20T15:51:45Z")
> [@Corner Case](#): > > Are you talking about removing unsightly pubic hair? No! Ressurrection, silly. And he would constantly be telling **Malcolm** to turn the other cheek. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175.md?page=2)