# Sould we add Jesus to the cast of Star Trek: Enterprise? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 20, 2004, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175 "2004-02-20T07:29:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/21 "2004-02-20T15:58:48Z")
## Either the Enterprise would be having great fortune all the time or be encountering great misfortune. Probably the later. Jesus always hung around with the sinners. Guess he’d fee right at home then. ## Archer to Jesus: “That’s not standard issue crewman! And get that hair cut!” Jesus waves hand and Archer is turned into a pile of salt. ## Actually, wouldn’t Jesus be saying to Hoshi, “If Aramaic is good enough for me…” Jesus: “Dad said He liked your work when He was leaping you around. Now it’s my turn.” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/22 "2004-02-20T16:05:38Z")
> [@Corner Case](#): > > ## Actually, wouldn’t Jesus be saying to Hoshi, “If Aramaic is good enough for me…” You obviously aren’t from Texas. * * * I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints The sinners are much more fun Oh, only the \_\_\_\_ die \_\_\_\_\_ ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/23 "2004-02-20T16:09:54Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Oh, only the \_\_\_\_ die \_\_\_\_\_ Did Mr. Good treat Mr. Crosby, Mr. Stills, and Mr. Nash’s hair too? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/24 "2004-02-20T16:19:08Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Should we add Jesus to the cast of Star Trek: Enterprise? Danger! Danger! Andrew Lloyd Weber might need to write the new theme music. _What’s the buzz, a-tell me who’s a-Vulcaning…_ ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/25 "2004-02-20T16:32:43Z")
> [@Tars Tarkas](#): > > i will also repost again: > > Jesus could turn water into Bloodwine, raise Kirk from the dead, feed the entire crew with only one replicator, get nailed to the warp core, smash up the Ferengi tax collectors, and return from the dead via transporter malfunction Jesus was way cool. He could turn water into wine. And, if he wanted to, he could turn wheat into marijuana, sugar into cocaine and vitamins into amphetamines. Jesus was way cool. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/26 "2004-02-20T16:52:59Z")
ARCHER: “Lieutennant Jesus, you dropped your medical scanner again.” JESUS: “Sorry, sir, it keeps falling through my hand.” ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/27 "2004-02-20T17:01:07Z")
Being how Enterprise likes to recycle old scripts, lets rip-off the TNG episode where they clone Kahless…Clone Jesus with the Shroud of Turin! ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/28 "2004-02-20T17:08:08Z")
Phlox on karoke night sings Webber’s, “pie jesu, pie jesu, pie jesu, pie jesu - qui tollis peccata mundi dona eis requiem - dona eis requiem.” The audience turns as one and tosses Boston creme pies at Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/29 "2004-02-20T17:16:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Jesus could . . . get nailed to the warp core. . . I’ve heard of a spike in the Warp Core, but this is rediculous. But if the spike causes a breach we’d all get nailed! DaLovin’ Dj ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/30 "2004-02-20T17:30:29Z")
Then Mayweather, with a host of scantily clad Xindi angels would sing: \*Ba - Cu - La Quan - Tum - Star WHO are you WHAT do think you are?\* ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/31 "2004-02-20T19:35:58Z")
> [@smiling bandit](#): > > There was one Star Trek book where Q claimed to to have helped God out; he said as much to Picard, also stating: > > “Who do you think invented the duck-billed platypus?” > > ANd I thought: whoa, that’s the perfect line for Q. Creator of strange and wonderful creatures for kicks. _Q Squared_ by Peter David. One of my favorite books by my favorite author. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/32 "2004-02-21T06:51:54Z")
**NCB** , your reposts are composts and compotes. **Aes** , I will mail your tape tomorrow. Peter David is the tits. Good books, man. I never should have brought up **That Jesus Movie**. (Like **That 70s Show**. You know, the Passion thing. What have we wrought? Rot? When that chiropractor warned me that I would wonder later what the crap he had done, he wasn’t kidding. We need readjustments. Things that make us crackle and crunch. **NCB** , you gonna eat that? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/33 "2004-02-21T06:54:18Z")
Kum bah yah, my Lord, kum ba yah Someone’s warping, Lord, give him energy Someone’s barking, Lord, give him cheese Someone’s injured, Lord, give him leeches Oh Lord, kum bah yah. Does Blue Relief gel really contain emu oil? ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/34 "2004-02-21T07:25:23Z")
Jesus walks into Ten Forward, up to the bar, and places a handful of nails in front of Guinan. He says, “You think you can put me up for the night?” Oh wait, that’s the wrong Enterprise, sorry. If Pholx and Jesus do a musical number, it would have to be… [Surgens Jesus!](http://www.tobyrush.com/info/composition/pdf/surgensjesus.pdf) (Link to PDF sheet music. And that’s a damn hard song to sing, let me tell you.) ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/35 "2004-02-21T11:07:02Z")
> [@](#): > > raise Kirk from the dead Wow, raise someone from the dead before they’re born… that would call for a whole new testiment. > [@](#): > > Being how Enterprise likes to recycle old scripts, lets rip-off the TNG episode where they clone Kahless…Clone Jesus with the Shroud of Turin! But the shroud turns out to be a fake and they clone a 12th century religious artifact fraud. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/36 "2004-02-21T16:19:28Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > Peter David is the tits. I’m sorry, but the image that conjures up is just … wrong somehow. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2004, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/37 "2004-02-22T00:04:09Z")
I can’t believe I’m the first person to point out that the Jesus of the ST universe is clearly Spock. - Resurrection - God/Man duality in the form of Vulcan/Human duality - Green blood. (I assume that Jesus had green blood) ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2004, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/38 "2004-02-22T02:12:46Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > I can’t believe I’m the first person to point out that the Jesus of the ST universe is clearly Spock. > > - Resurrection > > - God/Man duality in the form of Vulcan/Human duality > > - Green blood. (I assume that Jesus had green blood) It sure doesn’t [look green.](http://www.thepassionofthechrist.com) ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2004, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/39 "2004-02-22T02:16:22Z")
What does Mel Gibson know? This was a guy born in the Middle East and he’s portraying him as a blue eyed caucasian. I think \*\*Revtim \*\* might be on to something here. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175/40 "2004-02-22T02:54:04Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > - Green blood. (I assume that Jesus had green blood) You know, there are a few times in your life where you’re reading a thread, and you read a statement and say to yourself, “You know, there’s absolutely nothing I could possibly add to that.” Then you go back to bed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sould-we-add-jesus-to-the-cast-of-star-trek-enterprise/230175.md?page=3)