# Sounds really dirty but isn't. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 8, 2017, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657 "2017-01-08T21:14:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2017, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/61 "2017-01-10T16:12:19Z")
On the topic of “hump” and “humping”… All around our little town…like most we have speed BUMPS…you know those little mounds (heh) of asphalt that keep you from going 65 in the Wal Mart parking lot or the parking lot of Del Boca Vista phase 2. Well, apparently some memo or meme or person that got offended about something finally got enough political pull… All these “bumps” have NEW signs to go with them…these things are all now called speed “humps”. I don’t know WHAT new State DOT signs cost (much less their installation)…but it can not be cheap. But thank fucking gawd we now call “speed bumps” “speed humps”…screw feeding some local homeless people or putting a damn traffic light at “dead mans curve” and saving an actual life every year or three. Not to fracking mention…well…I don’t know about you but “speed hump” sounds a thousand times worse than “speed bump”…not to mention actually making a bit more sense in a linguistic fashion. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2017, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/62 "2017-01-10T18:48:21Z")
When I was a teenager, my mother and I were going somewhere, and we drove by a construction site with a crane that had a big sign on it that said “NORTHWEST ERECTIONS”. No, I did not tell her why I was cracking up. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2017, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/63 "2017-01-10T18:53:50Z")
[Kumho](http://www.kumhousa.com/). A brand of tires, not an Asian escort service. ---
**Author:** ![edwards\_beard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@edwards\_beard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwards_beard)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2017, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/64 "2017-01-10T19:03:13Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > _Star Wars_ has a number of naughty lines, out of context. > > “Look at the size of that thing!” > > “You’ve got something jammed in here real good.” > > “Luke, at that speed, do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?” > > “Get clear, Wedge! You can’t do any more good back there!” > > “Get on top of it!” “I’m _trying_!!” > > “Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don’t care what you smell!” “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought” “I have felt him, my master” “Strange that I have not” “She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts” ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2017, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/65 "2017-01-10T19:10:19Z")
> [@edwards\_beard](#): > > “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought” > > “I have felt him, my master” “Strange that I have not” > > “She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts” “You’re all clear, kid! Now, let’s blow this thing and go home!” “Judge me by my size, do you?” ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2017, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/66 "2017-01-19T21:27:59Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > On the topic of “hump” and “humping”… > > All around our little town…like most we have speed BUMPS…you know those little mounds (heh) of asphalt that keep you from going 65 in the Wal Mart parking lot or the parking lot of Del Boca Vista phase 2. > > Well, apparently some memo or meme or person that got offended about something finally got enough political pull… > > All these “bumps” have NEW signs to go with them…these things are all now called speed “humps”. > > I don’t know WHAT new State DOT signs cost (much less their installation)…but it can not be cheap. > > But thank fucking gawd we now call “speed bumps” “speed humps”…screw feeding some local homeless people or putting a damn traffic light at “dead mans curve” and saving an actual life every year or three. > > Not to fracking mention…well…I don’t know about you but “speed hump” sounds a thousand times worse than “speed bump”…not to mention actually making a bit more sense in a linguistic fashion. The ladies tend to prefer something more substantial than a “speed hump”. Most of the time anyway. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2017, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/67 "2017-01-19T21:39:50Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > The ladies tend to prefer something more substantial than a “speed hump”. Most of the time anyway. I’m reminded of reading the Mad Magazine spoof of “The Six Million Dollar Man,” sometime in the early 1970s (when I was a pre-teen). As Steve is in surgery, Oscar Goldman says the line from the series’ opening credits: “Better, stronger, faster.” Standing next to him is a voluptuous nurse, who replies, “Faster isn’t necessarily better.” When I was 9 years old, I had no idea why this was funny. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2017, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/68 "2017-01-19T21:49:56Z")
I was at a dinner conversation when a nice old lady began talking about “masticating.” As in, chewing. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2017, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/69 "2017-01-19T21:52:08Z")
Possibly apocryphal joke: One weather forecaster predicts 8 inches of snow for a night. The snow doesn’t happen. The following day, on the weather TV, a female weather forecaster demands: “Where’s the 8 inches you promised me last night?” ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2017, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/70 "2017-01-19T22:06:00Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I was at a dinner conversation when a nice old lady began talking about “masticating.” > As in, chewing. I always laugh when people talk about matriculating. ---
**Author:** ![kcor1953](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kcor1953/32/3221_2.png) [@kcor1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kcor1953)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2017, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/71 "2017-01-19T23:12:49Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > When I was a teenager, my mother and I were going somewhere, and we drove by a construction site with a crane that had a big sign on it that said “NORTHWEST ERECTIONS”. My freshman year the UM-Rolla (MO) had some major building going on on the Quad and for weeks a large crane with the name of the contractor on it sat there; the BIG BOY STEEL ERECTION COMPANY. Last year I found that that year’s school yearbook included a photo of the crane. Also, unless they were having me on, decades ago when I removed the rinse hose from our stainless steel kitchen sink the guy at the plumbing supply place explained that the flat metal disk I needed to cover the spot the hose came from was a PETCOCK HOLE COVER. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2017, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/72 "2017-01-20T00:58:41Z")
“I’d like to do a butterfly spread.” isn’t an invitation for an unusual sexual position, it’s a derivative trading strategy. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2017, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/73 "2017-01-20T01:28:06Z")
As a teenager I was watching TV, when my mom came into the room and asked, “Would you like to eat, pussy?” Took me a moment to realize she was talking to the cat. And then there’s the Olympics and the 100-meter breast stroke… ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2017, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/74 "2017-01-20T01:53:49Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > _Star Wars_ has a number of naughty lines, out of context. > > “Look at the size of that thing!” > > “You’ve got something jammed in here real good.” > > “Luke, at that speed, do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?” > > “Get clear, Wedge! You can’t do any more good back there!” > > “Get on top of it!” “I’m _trying_!!” > > “Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don’t care what you smell!” “Aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?” ---
**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2017, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/75 "2017-01-20T07:23:45Z")
I swear. 1/2 the time I’m in my local grocery store a PA announcement comes on, something about “backdoor receiving”. I have no idea why I’m the only one who snickers. My cat likes to either sit on my lap, or between my legs when I’m on the couch watching TV. I haven’t done it yet, but the urge to answer “what are you doing?” with “just rubbing the pussy between my thighs”, is almost overwhelming. ---
**Author:** ![Oglomott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oglomott/32/3543_2.png) [@Oglomott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oglomott)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2017, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/76 "2017-01-20T17:18:45Z")
Homo erectus Spotted dick Balzac Bastard file ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2017, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/77 "2017-01-20T18:48:24Z")
Wankel rotary engine ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2017, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/78 "2017-01-21T03:20:15Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > As a teenager I was watching TV, when my mom came into the room and asked, “Would you like to eat, pussy?” Took me a moment to realize she was talking to the cat. > > And then there’s the Olympics and the 100-meter breast stroke… I thought it was great on _WKRP_ when Bailey called out Les Nessman for reporting the event as “breast-stroking.” > [@Cardigan](#): > > Wankel rotary engine Mentioned twice, now (also post #14)–must be dirtier than I thought! [A-HENH!](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x01aSD2ccKo/VXrVftvZRWI/AAAAAAAAjqg/WaT-fCZHAPY/s1600/bobby-london-705114.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2017, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/79 "2017-01-21T03:38:36Z")
From the laser world. Stimulated Emission ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2017, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657/80 "2017-01-21T04:20:38Z")
**billfish** , you reminded me of this: NatLamp once had an X-Men spoof comic where all the supers were women and couldn’t get out of their headquarters because of all the “women things” they had to do to get into their costumes. The final line (in a separate box at the bottom of the last panel): Be sure to catch your next monthly issue! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sounds-really-dirty-but-isnt/776657.md?page=5)