# South Park 11-16-05: Tom Cruise won't come out of the Closet and Scientology. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 17, 2005, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437 "2005-11-17T03:16:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/1 "2005-11-17T03:16:13Z")
Heavy handed to the point of making me laugh hard. Good Start. “Not as good as the guy that played Napolean Dynamite.” (Extra funny I just watched it for the first time last night) Jim ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/2 "2005-11-17T03:24:58Z")
It was an awesome episode. Scientology is so ridiculous you don’t even need to parody it. My roommate’s first response on seeing this episode was “No way, they have to be making this up for the show, right?” ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/3 "2005-11-17T03:28:43Z")
R. Kelly is now in the closet with John Travolta and Tom Cruise. Priceless. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/4 "2005-11-17T03:31:37Z")
Brilliant episode! I loved how every name in the credits was either John or Jane Smith. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/5 "2005-11-17T03:32:06Z")
The Credits are perfection. John Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith Jane Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith John Smith Jane Smith Jane Smith Better even than the Morman’s Dum dee Dum Dum episode. ---
**Author:** ![Neptunian\_Slug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@Neptunian\_Slug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neptunian_Slug)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/6 "2005-11-17T03:34:06Z")
Anyone think Isaac Hayes is pissed off over this episode? He is a big time Scientology tout. I don’t remember if South Park has ever cracked on the CoS before. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/7 "2005-11-17T03:34:59Z")
One of the best episodes in a long time. It ranks right up there with the John Edward and Joseph Smith episodes. When they were doing then Xenu story, I was just telling my wife, “They’re not making this up, this is actually what…” Then the caption came on. And do you think they were they trying to suggest something about all that stuff about Tom Cruise not coming out of the closet? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/8 "2005-11-17T03:38:55Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > One of the best episodes in a long time. It ranks right up there with the John Edward and Joseph Smith episodes. When they were doing then Xenu story, I was just telling my wife, “They’re not making this up, this is actually what…” Then the caption came on. > > And do you think they were they trying to suggest something about all that stuff about Tom Cruise not coming out of the closet? Yes, obviously Tom has some very deep insecurity issues and seeks the comfort of small spaces like Closets. I was never aware he suffered so, the poor man. 😉 Signed John Smith ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/9 "2005-11-17T03:41:41Z")
Oh my god, the clams are going to FREAK over this! I too wonder how they dealt with Isaac Hayes. I don’t usually watch South Park, but when I heard they were going to be making fun of Scientology, I had to tune in. I thought they’d make up some similiar religion, instead they just completely went after the cult! I like how the “thetans” looked just like giant sperm. ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/10 "2005-11-17T04:17:02Z")
I thought they did do Scientology before, with the David Blaine cult that wouldn’t tell you its precepts until you had bought in. Or was that just cults in general? ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/11 "2005-11-17T04:18:31Z")
I thought there were nukes in the Xenu/volcano story. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/12 "2005-11-17T04:24:06Z")
> [@E-Diddy](#): > > Anyone think Isaac Hayes is pissed off over this episode? He is a big time Scientology tout. I don’t remember if South Park has ever cracked on the CoS before. I’m not sure it really matters. Isaac Hayes is almost never on the show anymore. At least not like the early seasons, where you could count on Chef showing up at least once an episode and even have shows based around him. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/13 "2005-11-17T04:26:35Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > I thought there were nukes in the Xenu/volcano story. Yes, that’s how Xenu killed the aliens trapped inside the volcanoes. They didn’t tell the whole story, presumably because they had to fit it all into the time allowed them. [Here is the standard ‘Xenu Leaflet’ that never fails to get the clams worked up into a froth.](http://xenu.net/archive/leaflet/) It tells the whole story, and is available in many formats and languages. I actually watched both episodes of South Park this evening: The old one they showed first and the new one. Halfway through the old one, I made myself some dinner. Guess what it was. New England clam chowder. With plenty of little clams. I just now realized this. ---
**Author:** ![PigBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/97f17d/32.png) [@PigBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PigBoy)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/14 "2005-11-17T05:22:39Z")
I don’t like this kind of episode very much. It did a fine job of showing Scientology to be incredibly stupid, but I didn’t find it very funny. About the only things I enjoyed were R. Kelly always singing and pulling out his gun, and Cartman’s line “I just want you to know I still hate Kyle more than you.” And I suppose the credits, too. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/15 "2005-11-17T06:04:09Z")
Ah, great episode. I laughed so hard at the last part. “I’m going to sue you!” “Fine sue me! GO AHEAD AND SUE ME!” Then all the Johns and Janes…priceless. “Dad! Tom Cruise won’t come out of the closet!” ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/16 "2005-11-17T06:04:14Z")
Someone help me out; what are “clams”? Scientologists? I’ve never heard this term before. And by the way, [this leaflet](http://xenu.net/archive/leaflet/) sounds exactly like something that might have been written by Kurt Vonnegut back in the _Sirens of Titan_ days. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/17 "2005-11-17T06:28:12Z")
I saw the last minute or two, and damn, I wish I’d seen the rest. And I’m no South Park fan. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/18 "2005-11-17T06:32:48Z")
Beautiful episode. This is why South Park is brilliant (though I’m still mad [as in angry] about the sex-change episode). It also puts CoS in a teddibly awkward position: if they sue then it’ll be hysterical, and if they don’t then it’ll be a PR problem. (The Mormons immediately countered with qualified rebuttals after the Joseph Smith episode.) Query: While there are many celebrity Scientologists and many disgrunted ex-Scientologists, are there any celebrity **ex** -Scientologists? ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/19 "2005-11-17T06:57:47Z")
Haven’t the scientologists actually sued people for saying bad things about their “Religion”? And is R. Kelly a scientologist? Was anyone expecting a “piss” joke concerning him, or am I still thinking of “The Boondocks”? Good episode, and I liked the “Napoleon Dyamite” joke. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437/20 "2005-11-17T07:01:32Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > It also puts CoS in a teddibly awkward position: if they sue then it’ll be hysterical, and if they don’t then it’ll be a PR problem. (The Mormons immediately countered with qualified rebuttals after the Joseph Smith episode.) If they’re smart, they’ll ignore it. The last thing they need is to draw more attention to the episode, and it’ll be extremely hard for them to win. The worst thing they can point to is the head of the church saying it’s all a scam, and I don’t think that can be considered slander. If Mel Gibson can’t sue over the Passion episode, I don’t think the CoS can either. Basicaly, suing would only worsen their PR problem, making them look like a bunch of whiny idiots(assuming people didn’t know that already). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/south-park-11-16-05-tom-cruise-wont-come-out-of-the-closet-and-scientology/331437.md?page=2)