# Spank the monkey **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 8, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spank-the-monkey/311652 "2005-07-08T20:46:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spank-the-monkey/311652/1 "2005-07-08T20:46:02Z")
A bunch of us at work often distribute jokes and such via e-mail (who doesn’t?) Our team is composed of many people who have recently come to Canada from India, China, Russia, Afghanistan, other places. It’s easy to forget that some turns of phrase are not self-evident to the uninitiate. I sent out [this link](http://www.addictinggames.com/monkey.html) a while back. Funny? Marginally. One intelligent member of our team, replies to all, “I know this should be funny, but I don’t get it. I’ve been spanking the monkey all day.” Guffaws galore, needless to say. One sitting next to him tried to explain: “Spank the monkey… you know, as in choke the chicken… whack the tack… beat the bishop…?” Each attempt at euphemism failed. Finally… “You know… masturbation!” I’ve never seen human skin turn that particular shade of red before (I mean from embarassment, not friction burns!) ---
**Author:** ![mike1dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@mike1dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mike1dog)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spank-the-monkey/311652/2 "2005-07-09T03:01:11Z")
Top speed 431 mph. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spank-the-monkey/311652/3 "2005-07-09T03:36:58Z")
Huh. I got 424mph, but by cheating. (Moved the hand all the way to the right, then moved the pointer all the way out of the game’s border, and around to the left side of the game. As oon as the pointer is back in the game, the hand moves back at (theoretically but aparrently not really) top speed.) Worked on a Mac running Safari, YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spank-the-monkey/311652/4 "2005-07-09T03:39:09Z")
> [@drewbert](#): > > Huh. I got 424mph, but by cheating. (Moved the hand all the way to the right, then moved the pointer all the way out of the game’s border, and around to the left side of the game. As oon as the pointer is back in the game, the hand moves back at (theoretically but aparrently not really) top speed.) Yeah, that’s the trick to getting high scores.[I once hit 8489 the same way](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=3052144&highlight=8000#post3052144). ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spank-the-monkey/311652/5 "2005-07-09T04:01:13Z")
530! Oh Yeah!! ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spank-the-monkey/311652/6 "2005-07-09T10:35:01Z")
[This one is funnier](http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/slap.php). While it’s basically the same concept the reactions are better. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spank-the-monkey/311652/7 "2005-07-10T20:05:33Z")
I didn’t realize [this link](http://www.addictinggames.com/monkey.html) had already made the rounds on SDMB. Sorry for the unnecessary redundant duplicate copy. I’m curious, though, on your experience with the “lost in translation” aspect of the OP. Mrs. Call was in a meeting at her work. One of the attendees (later to become a good friend of the family) had recently arrived from China. During the discussion of a problem at hand, someone said “We certainly are in a pickle.” Our friend turned red and became quiet. Mrs. Call thought this response was from fear our friend had somehow contributed to the problem. Nope, the next day, very sheepishly our friend asked Mrs. Call, “What is a ‘pickle’?” * * * Or, if you prefer, gimme yer best masturbation euphemism: Mine are For him: Fist kabobing For her: Removing the nail polish For anyone: ménage à moi