# Spanking limits **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2005, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spanking-limits/308665 "2005-06-17T05:50:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2005, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spanking-limits/308665/21 "2005-06-18T09:30:19Z")
> [@grienspace](#): > > I’ve raised two kids and have spanked both of them two times each. > > I did not do this lightly. By that I mean I had already exhausted every other avenue for discipline. In all cases, this intervention was effective. > > I believe if spanking is to be effective it must be used rarely. > > I also believe that it should be done privately to spare embarrassment. > > Furthermore there should be no hint of anger. The punishment should focus on the transgression of the child, not the emotion of the parent. > > Finally, there is only a short window of time where spanking should be employed. Somewhere between 3 years and 8. Depends on the child of course. I believe that a child should have several years free of the fear of spanking first, and after about 8 years or so, the only results of spanking are negative in my opinion. > > What the OP describes verges on assault. Overkill. No good can come of it. And I am in agreement. I am on record here as a spanking advocate and I think that people who call it child abuse under all circumstances are idiots, but that’s too much. Way, way, WAY too much. What’s more, it should hurt the parent as much as the child, to remind them of the necessity of such extreme measures and why it shouldn’t be done all the time. As such, I think that it should be done by hand rather than with an object. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2005, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spanking-limits/308665/22 "2005-06-18T12:06:30Z")
As a kid, I got spanked every now and again but it was only an open-handed slap on the butt, more for emphasis than anything else. It didn’t hurt beyong a minor ‘ow’. The other one was a thin bamboo rod; mainly there as a deterrent, I think - and an effective one, 'cos it stung like crazy. I remember the first time mum used it, she went across the back of the legs, as I assume she’d learned from her parents. I _screamed_; it was an incredible sting. She was completely horrified by having caused me real pain and the only other times she used it - which was maybe once or twice (and well-deserved on each occasion, I might add) - she made sure to do it across a clothed butt which, while painful, wasn’t prolonged and certainly wouldn’t have left ongoing marks. I can’t imagine a parent repeatedly walloping a child with a paddle and calling it ‘discipline’. Maybe your parents didn’t intend it that way, but what you’re describing sure sounds like abuse to me. I don’t think I’ve ever been repeatedly hit with anything, though it’s possible I may have received a multiple whack across a clothed backside at some point (as noted above though, not hard enough to really hurt, more for shock value I think). ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spanking-limits/308665/23 "2005-06-18T19:40:17Z")
I didn’t get spanked often. But when I did, I had to go outside and break a long thin branch from a tree and remove the leaves. I was then expected to present it to wichever parent was doing the punishment. If it was my father, he would take his pocketknife and remove the little bumpy things from the “switch”. My mother left the bumps. I then had my bare legs whipped 2-3 times, if it was my father. My mother wasn’t satisfied until the skin broke. There would be red welts that lasted several days. I would rather die than do the same thing to my child. He’s had plenty of spanks in his 13 years, but just one smack each, on the butt, (not bare). ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spanking-limits/308665/24 "2005-06-18T20:35:06Z")
> [@Brain Wreck](#): > > Is there consensus on whether this is a regular spanking or if it’s child abuse? What is a regular spanking? Incidents like this were common in my childhood and my parents’ childhood and I guess their parents’ childhood too, but I think it would be considered abuse now. But if that’s true, then potentially a huge portion of the US population are victims of “child abuse.” My mother used to give me what was colloqually referred to as a “whuppin’”, i.e. belt or strop on bare buttocks (and upper legs/lower back). It was normally a dozen strikes, but sometimes she’d elect for more (or just lose count/temper) and it would go on until blood appeared. On one occasion, after I’d had my dozen and then some, I tried to stand up and got the belt across my face, then back to the butt for an “extra dozen”. This went on until I was about 15 or so, after which my mother just didn’t seem to give a damn. The worst thing about it wasn’t just the pain, but how arbitrary the punishment was. Sometimes, I could get away with quite a bit; other times, I’d get the full treatment for a single word (sometimes imagined) of “backtalk”. In retrospect, I can’t think of anything that I did which really justified physical punishment; I was never a troublemaker in the sense of vandalism, theft, picking fights, et cetera. It mostly seemed to be born of frustration, and in retrospect, not always pertaining to me. But this sort of thing wasn’t unusual where I grew up; kids came to school all the time with welts and bruises from punishment, and the only time I ever heard “abuse” suggested was when one kid had to have some teeth inserted. It’s not that every parent was like this, but it was common enough that no one batted an eye (and usually increased in frequency when the pastor gave a sermon about “spare the rod and spoil the child”. :rolleyes: ) To answer the OP: I think the stated case (paddle on bare buttocks, reddened “for days”) constitutes abuse and adds nothing to discipline; it seemed to me that the kids were were “punished” most often in this way were generally the same ones that turned around and bullied other kids. A quick slap on the bottom of a toddler to get their attention and reinforce a simple command (“No!”) is one thing, but pain and wounding to a child who is old enough to understand reasoning is pointless. If the child is really acting up, in a way that is chronic and problematical, it’s an indication of some underlying emotional or neurological issue that isn’t going to be ameliorated by spanking or simple punishment. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spanking-limits/308665/25 "2005-06-18T21:48:39Z")
Put me on the abuse bandwagon too. A couple of smacks is enough, and they need to be issued sparingly. Now when I was in Jr. High (i was bad kid, suspended thrice, 25 days at a time, over two years) I was issued 1 swat by a principal (this was in 1987) I stood up, was ordered to grab desk, and this prick took a world-series, bottom-of-the-ninth 3-2 count swing at my ass with a 1 3/4" thick, 8" x 10"wooden paddle with holes drilled in it for ventilation and speed. I still remember his coat twirling away from him as he swung. That hurt like hell for 3 days. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2005, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spanking-limits/308665/26 "2005-06-18T22:54:25Z")
Always agree to a safe word beforehand. ---
**Author:** ![Hokkaido\_Brit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d26b3c/32.png) [@Hokkaido\_Brit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hokkaido_Brit)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2005, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spanking-limits/308665/27 "2005-06-19T00:23:54Z")
I am in the smacking camp, but I think it should be done with an open hand on a bottom which is padded enough to avoid damage. The idea is to bring the kid up short, not injure them. I don’t smack my older kid much any more, though I have in the past few months given him two smacks on the butt for repeated, planned disobedience, when he’d run out of pocket money and TV priveleges! The younger kid gets smacked more because he is still at the age of doing dangerous things which need a short sharp shock to bring the message home that you can’t do. He’s five though so it’s getting a lot rarer as he’s pretty much at the age of reason now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spanking-limits/308665.md?page=1)