# Spark.com Love Match Test

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 23, 1999, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258 "1999-12-23T20:36:00Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 16\
**Page:** 2

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\
**Post date:** [December 23, 1999, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/21 "1999-12-23T23:50:00Z")

</div>

Put away the lotion! You have a Love Rating of 92% your remaining 8% is essentially Lust and Sexual Greed.

More about you, as interpreted by us:  
Morality (7)  
Love Experience (5)  
Sex Experience (3)  
Intelligence (7)

Your wheel of desperation has 1 wedges of discontent. One wedge represents a longing for love and fulfillment. Six wedges comprise one whole melon of need. It is this melon that lights our way through the caverns of loneliness.

And the Pope Masturbates!

Congratulations! We think you should stay in your relationship. A rare percentage of test takers achieve this award. However, based on your levels of satisfaction and fulfillment, it seems like you’re a very lucky person. Keep being happy!

* * *

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy

[The Kat House](http://members.aol.com/gr8kat1/KatGen/home.htm)  
[Join the FSH Webring](http://members.aol.com/gr8kat1/KatGen/fshwebring.htm)

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\
**Post date:** [December 23, 1999, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/22 "1999-12-23T23:57:00Z")

</div>

hmmmm

85% Love  
15% Lust

Morality 6  
Love experience 6  
Sex experience 6  
Intelligence 5

I must be a dumbass and don’t even know it…lol

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/23 "1999-12-24T00:23:00Z")

</div>

Put away the lotion! You have a Love Rating of 72%.

Your remaining 28% is essentially Lust and Sexual Greed.

The blue bar is how much you WANT and NEED love. The red bar is how much you just want SEX. It’s clear that you prefer love.

Morality (5)  
Love Experience (5)  
Sex Experience (5)  
Intelligence (7)

Your wheel of desperation has 1 wedges of discontent. One wedge represents a longing for love and fulfillment. Six wedges comprise one whole melon of need. It is this melon that lights our way through the caverns of loneliness.

And the Pope masturbates! (what a mental image)

Congratulations!  
We think you should stay in your relationship. A rare percentage of test takers achieve this award. However, based on your levels of satisfaction and fulfillment, it seems like you’re a very lucky person. Keep being happy!

* * *

Shadowfox  
“We are what we pretend to be.”

- Kurt Vonnegut

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![mega\_the\_roo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mega\_the\_roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mega_the_roo)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/24 "1999-12-24T01:00:00Z")

</div>

83% love  
17% lust and sexual greed

morality - 7  
love experience - 4  
sex experience - 3  
intelligence - 7

wheel of desperation - 4 wedges

* * *

“human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust; we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” - albert einstein

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/25 "1999-12-24T01:20:00Z")

</div>

According to the test my best match is Diane, followed by MaryAnnQ.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/26 "1999-12-24T01:31:00Z")

</div>

Grab the lotion! You have a Love Rating of 19%, your remaining 81% is essentially Lust and Sexual Greed.

The blue bar is how much you WANT and NEED love.  
The red bar is how much you just want SEX.  
It’s clear that you prefer sex.

More about you, as interpreted by us:  
Morality (4) Love Experience (5) Sex Experience (7) Intelligence (8)

Your wheel of desperation has 3 wedges of discontent.

A test gone wrong, no doubt. 😉

* * *

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/27 "1999-12-24T03:08:00Z")

</div>

Put away the lotion! You have  
a Love Rating of 84%  
your remaining 16% is essentially Lust and Sexual Greed.

Love  
Lust and Sexual Greed  
The blue bar is how much you WANT and NEED love.  
The red bar is how much you just want SEX.  
It’s clear that you prefer love.  
More about you, as interpreted by us: Morality (6)  
Love Experience (4)  
Sex Experience (4)  
Intelligence (6)

\<— wheel of desperation

Your wheel of desperation has 3 wedges of discontent. One wedge represents a longing for love and fulfillment. Six wedges comprise one whole melon of need. It is this melon that lights our way through the caverns of loneliness.

Can someone explain this melon of need thing? What the \*\*\*\* is a melon of need?

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![ChrisCTP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@ChrisCTP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisCTP)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/28 "1999-12-24T03:18:00Z")

</div>

Put away the lotion! You have  
a Love Rating of 91%  
your remaining 9% is essentially Lust and Sexual Greed.

Love  
Lust and Sexual Greed  
The blue bar is how much you WANT and NEED love.  
The red bar is how much you just want SEX.  
It’s clear that you prefer love.  
More about you, as interpreted by us: Morality (4)  
Love Experience (3)  
Sex Experience (4)  
Intelligence (8)

\<— wheel of desperation

Your wheel of desperation has 1 wedges of discontent. One wedge represents a longing for love and fulfillment. Six wedges comprise one whole melon of need. It is this melon that lights our way through the caverns of loneliness.

* * *

“Wednesday the 15th - Chris made one of her rare good points today.”  
_Guanolad_

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Commander\_Fortune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Commander\_Fortune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Commander_Fortune)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/29 "1999-12-24T03:57:00Z")

</div>

Good thing Moosiegirl posted I was feeling alone.

Get the lotion!

22% Love  
78% Lust and greed

3 wedges of desperation

Morality (2)…hmmph…I beg your pardon!  
Love experience (5)  
Sex experience (5)  
Intelligence (7)

* * *

She wasn’t sure what to do, so she looked at how the government did things and decided to run her life that way.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Louie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@Louie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Louie)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/30 "1999-12-24T06:22:00Z")

</div>

Dang, almost half and half 🙂

\*\*\<font size=5\>53%\</font\> - \<font color="red\>Love\</font\> Rating  
\<font size=5\>47%\</font\> - \<font color=“blue”\>Lust and Sexual Greed\</font\> Rating

\<font size=5\>4\</font\> - Morality  
\<font size=5\>4\</font\> - Love Experience  
\<font size=5\>4\</font\> - Sex Experience  
\<font size=5\>5\</font\> - Intelligence\*\*

Your wheel of desperation has **4 wedges of discontent.**

So that means I’m average all the way and desperate. ☹

* * *

…and remember, duct tape fixes _all_ your problems, big and small.

[Fun with HTML (tutoral) : The True Sequal](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/19991103-2-000302.html) [Give someone an FU](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000255.html)

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Louie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@Louie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Louie)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/31 "1999-12-24T06:25:00Z")

</div>

Hmmm, that should be…

**\<font size=5\>53%\</font\> - \<font color=“red”\>Love\</font\> Rating  
\<font size=5\>47%\</font\> - \<font color=“blue”\>Lust and Sexual Greed\</font\> Rating**

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![CatRimbaud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@CatRimbaud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CatRimbaud)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/32 "1999-12-24T09:52:00Z")

</div>

Well, here go my scores:

Put away the lotion! You have  
a Love Rating of 61%  
your remaining 39% is essentially Lust and Sexual Greed.

It’s clear that you prefer love.

More about you, as interpreted by us: Morality (5)  
Love Experience (4)  
Sex Experience (5)  
Intelligence (8)

\<— wheel of desperation  
Your wheel of desperation has 2 wedges of discontent.

And the Pope Masturbates!  
apparently, the touch of God cometh in strange ways

```
  I just wanna know how one can have a 5 in morality at the same time one has a 5 in sex experience. I would imagine there is a bit of a conflict there. Especially since it is well known that I have only one moral and it is purple with green spots and I keep it in my hip pocket.
 Besides, I don't particularly believe in love aside from the whole family-type of love and yet it tells me I prefer something I don't believe in? Hmmm. Flawed is an understatement. I'm all about sexual greed on the rare occasions I get sex.
 Oh, and of course the pope masturbates. Why else should he wear all those robes unless he's hiding something naughty? :)

```

* * *

I am not insane. I am just an average girl who enjoys the lost art of torturing small animals by duct-taping them to railroad tracks.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Yankee\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/7ea924/32.png) [@Yankee\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yankee_Blue)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/33 "1999-12-24T15:19:00Z")

</div>

75 love 25 lust and 1 discontent wedge.  
Sounds like a ball score – the final was 75/25 with 1 wedge on the play…

* * *

~There is no statute of limitations on karma~

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/34 "1999-12-24T16:13:00Z")

</div>

Ah, I didn’t take the test because after just a few questions, it gets into drunken sex, which I would say is quite politically incorrect.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/35 "1999-12-24T19:56:00Z")

</div>

Here’s mine:

Put away the lotion! You have a Love Rating of 73%. Your remaining 27% is essentially Lust and Sexual Greed.

The blue bar is how much you WANT and NEED love. The red bar is how much you just want SEX. It’s clear that you prefer love.

More about you, as interpreted by us:  
Morality (5)  
Love Experience (5)  
Sex Experience (5)  
Intelligence (7)

Your wheel of desperation has 3 wedges of discontent. One wedge represents a longing for love and fulfillment. Six wedges comprise one whole melon of need. It is this melon that lights our way through the caverns of loneliness.

```
                                       Congratulations! We think you should stay in your relationship. A rare percentage of test takers achieve this award. However, based on your levels of satisfaction and fulfillment, it seems like you're a very lucky person. Keep being happy!

```

* * *

“Jesus Mary Joseph…you’re a biker chick!” - co-worker, upon hearing of my tattoo.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\
**Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spark-com-love-match-test/12258/36 "1999-12-24T20:14:00Z")

</div>

I’ll take the test later, I have to study some more first.

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