# Sparkly Vampires?!? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 22, 2009, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613 "2009-06-22T17:22:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/21 "2009-06-23T02:13:16Z")
Oh, and apparently the first time Bella and Edward have sex, when he finally comes, in order to avoid biting her, Edward: bites a pillow, showering feathers everywhere And thus, one of the _Twilight_ fan blogs is named: Pillow Biters. You cannot make this shit up. Although I think the last one will be worth it, if only because: There’s a C-section…by TEETH ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/22 "2009-06-23T02:16:22Z")
[quote=“Guinastasia, post:21, topic:500613”] Oh, and apparently the first time Bella and Edward have sex, when he finally comes, in order to avoid biting her, Edward: bites a pillow, showering feathers everywhere So, he was feeling a bit down in the mouth? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/23 "2009-06-23T02:42:55Z")
Well, this is all very enlightening. Thank you! ---
**Author:** ![Jihi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jihi/32/17768_2.png) [@Jihi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jihi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/24 "2009-06-23T02:52:09Z")
I’ve not read the books or seen the movie, but I just. don’t. get. this. Ever since I learned about this whole “sparkly vampires” thing, it’s not made a lick of since to me. I’m not averse to the idea of the “good” vampire, (I’m a huge fan of Buffy and Angel), but the “death by sunlight” trope is the defining characteristic of vampires. They’re creatures of the night, vampirism is supposed to be the personification of seductive evil. Instant power, but with a severe consequence. It seems to me that in Meyer’s world there simply is no legitimate consequences to being a vampire. Where’s the drama? Am I not seeing it right? I’m a teenage girl, so probably not… ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/25 "2009-06-23T03:04:38Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Too bad the author didn’t realize the [obvious](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v220/Guinastasia/Odds%20and%20Ends/Twilight_Hate__Sparkle_by_PreoSmo.jpg). > [@Guinastasia](#): > > And thus, one of the _Twilight_ fan blogs is named: Pillow Biters. I’m beginning to suspect someone involved in the whole thing does, in fact, know the score. \>\_\> ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/26 "2009-06-23T03:34:12Z")
Seriously? Vampires that sparkle? I’ve read a lot of vampire novels. Hundreds maybe. And so I’ve thought possibly I could read _Twilight_ even though I’ve heard a lot of negative things about it. But now I know better. No _Twilight_ for me. I’ll just reread _The Empire of Fear_ instead. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/27 "2009-06-23T03:52:56Z")
> [@Jihi](#): > > I’ve not read the books or seen the movie, but I just. don’t. get. this. > > Ever since I learned about this whole “sparkly vampires” thing, it’s not made a lick of since to me. I’m not averse to the idea of the “good” vampire, (I’m a huge fan of Buffy and Angel), but the “death by sunlight” trope is the defining characteristic of vampires. They’re creatures of the night, vampirism is supposed to be the personification of seductive evil. Instant power, but with a severe consequence. It seems to me that in Meyer’s world there simply is no legitimate consequences to being a vampire. Where’s the drama? > > Am I not seeing it right? I’m a teenage girl, so probably not… Meyer’s vampires aren’t even creatures of the night. Apparently, vampires never need to sleep so we’re talking 24 hour a day vampires. There is a consequence to being a vampire, or at least the family of vampires in the book. While one of them has trained as a doctor and works at a hospital as a respected doctor, the rest of them pose as high school students. They move every couple of years to prevent people becoming suspicious about the fact that they never age. Gifted with immortality, beauty, strength, speed, intelligence and sparkle, and lacking the need to ever sleep, they choose to use their incredible powers to repeat the final years of highschool over and over and over… If you weren’t already undead, wouldn’t you just kill yourself? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/28 "2009-06-23T04:14:21Z")
If I were going to reccomend an adolescent vampire series, I’d go for Christopher Pike’s, _Last Vampire_ series. The main character CAN go out in the day time, but not for long periods of time, as it significantly weakens her. And it’s mostly based on eastern mythology and Hinduism. MUCH better written than Twi-shite. No sparkling. (I’m really feeling for Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward in the movies. Recently, he was hit by a taxi trying to get away from screaming hordes of fan girls. Ouch) ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/29 "2009-06-23T04:32:50Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > Gifted with immortality, beauty, strength, speed, intelligence and sparkle, and lacking the need to ever sleep, they choose to use their incredible powers to repeat the final years of highschool over and over and over… Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more ludicrous. Yeesh. Oh, and courtesy of GraphJam, we have [this](http://graphjam.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/song-chart-memes-books-with.jpg?w=504&h=465). ---
**Author:** ![Jihi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jihi/32/17768_2.png) [@Jihi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jihi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/30 "2009-06-23T04:53:19Z")
> [@Jihi](#): > > I’m a teenage girl, so probably not… Reading back over the thread, this was a pretty severe typo on my part. I can’t believe I forgot the operative word here. :smack: (Proofread Jihi, proofread…) ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/31 "2009-06-23T05:09:14Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > There is a consequence to being a vampire, or at least the family of vampires in the book. While one of them has trained as a doctor and works at a hospital as a respected doctor, the rest of them pose as high school students. They move every couple of years to prevent people becoming suspicious about the fact that they never age. Gifted with immortality, beauty, strength, speed, intelligence and sparkle, and lacking the need to ever sleep, they choose to use their incredible powers to repeat the final years of highschool over and over and over… > > If you weren’t already undead, wouldn’t you just kill yourself? IIRC, they’ve all been through college a few times too. I think Edward has a couple of PhDs or something. (Don’t remember, only read the first book and the Cleolinda versions of the rest.) ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/32 "2009-06-23T05:39:55Z")
What kind of werewolf shenanigans are there? ---
**Author:** ![Tanbarkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@Tanbarkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanbarkie)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/33 "2009-06-23T05:48:12Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > (I’m really feeling for Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward in the movies. Recently, he was hit by a taxi trying to get away from screaming hordes of fan girls. Ouch) Pattinson is the one bright spot to come out of the Twilight craze. He’s been, shall we say, disarmingly frank about what he thinks of the books, his character, and the author. In order: crap, a self-loathing creep, and a crazy lady too-obviously in love with her own creation. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/34 "2009-06-23T05:49:51Z")
> [@well\_he\_s\_back](#): > > I tried to read “Twilight” cause I work at a high school library. Couldn’t make it through. I hate Twilight. It’s bloody awful. Have I mentioned that I hate Twilight? Some friends of a friend attempted a drinking game with the first book, nothing complicated, but any time the author compared Edward to certain things (I think they used a marble statue, but I’m not sure if they did anything else), take a drink… They didn’t make it through 3 chapters. > [@Jihi](#): > > I’ve not read the books or seen the movie, but I just. don’t. get. this. > > Ever since I learned about this whole “sparkly vampires” thing, it’s not made a lick of since to me. I’m not averse to the idea of the “good” vampire, (I’m a huge fan of Buffy and Angel), but the “death by sunlight” trope is the defining characteristic of vampires. They’re creatures of the night, vampirism is supposed to be the personification of seductive evil. Instant power, but with a severe consequence. It seems to me that in Meyer’s world there simply is no legitimate consequences to being a vampire. Where’s the drama? > > Am I not seeing it right? I’m a teenage girl, so probably not… Death by Sunlight isn’t really a defining trope, folklore wise sunset/sunrise marked when a vampire could shift into a man/thick ominous fog (not kidding)/wolf/bat, and wasn’t really weakened by the day, but for various reasons may not prefer it. There was an essay I read years ago which had a really, really good in depth analysis of the whole thing but I lost it and it seems impossible to find. It went into all this stuff about stages of life from traditional folklore, especially Romanian (including this “mature” stage after 7 years where a vampire would actually be human except for every x weekends where they would go batshit feral and disappear with a flock until Sunday morning to feed, then return to being human for another gulf of time). It was fascinating and I’m sad I didn’t save it. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/35 "2009-06-23T05:51:59Z")
**Jragon** , that’s a shame. I’d love to read such an article. And didn’t Dracula come out in the sunlight some of the time? Still. Sparkling is lame. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/36 "2009-06-23T05:53:07Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > What kind of werewolf shenanigans are there? It’s my understanding that in sunlight their thick body hair has a lovely sheen, like a collie that eats lots of raw eggs. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/37 "2009-06-23T06:14:14Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > **Jragon** , that’s a shame. I’d love to read such an article. > > And didn’t Dracula come out in the sunlight some of the time? Still. Sparkling is lame. I always try and look into it and fail every time (the fact that I read it at least 3 years ago didn’t help), but browsing some articles on her site, I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t an excerpt from [this](http://www.ucs.mun.ca/~emiller/sense_nonsense.html) book that I read. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/38 "2009-06-23T06:25:27Z")
Ha! I found it after all this time! [noparse][http://www.blooferland.com/drc/index.php?title=Journal\_of\_Dracula\_Studies[/noparse]](http://www.blooferland.com/drc/index.php?title=Journal_of_Dracula_Studies%5B/noparse%5D) In the header titled “Number 3” it’s the essay by Patrick Johnson, _[noparse][http://blooferland.com/drc/images/03Johnson.rtf[/noparse]](http://blooferland.com/drc/images/03Johnson.rtf%5B/noparse%5D) - Count Dracula and the Folkloric Vampire: Thirteen Comparisons]_ (rtf file). Section 11 is the interesting one with all the weird “after x years of being a vampire” stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/39 "2009-06-23T07:49:42Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > So, I had a long, drawn-out debate with \*\*Dark2Phoenix \*\*(who hasn’t read or seen this), about why I think they’re crap, and promote dangerous and horrible ideas about femininity and love, and how they smuggle in Mormon concepts, and how the writing is terrible, etc. etc. And he just kept saying that if lots of people like them, they must be working on some level, and so forth. > > And then I told him about the sparkling (which actually didn’t bother me that much), and he stopped dead and said, “Oh, well, then they’re just stupid.” I’ve heard it claimed that the sparkling is one of those Mormon concepts that got smuggled in; that Mormon saints supposedly sparkle. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/40 "2009-06-23T10:10:52Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I’ve heard it claimed that the sparkling is one of those Mormon concepts that got smuggled in; that Mormon saints supposedly sparkle. Sparkly Mormons? Now that I would have to see. Mormons do have a whole “light shining from your countenance” mythos about Jesus, angels, and even people having visions. I guess that could be a source for sparkling vampire skin, but it seems like a bit of a stretch to me. Plus, it’s not solar activated. It would be interesting to see a list of Mormon concepts that made it into the series. I heard the last book is especially heavy (handed) with Mormon parallels. If the Mormon church was smart, they’d make their missionaries stop washing and cutting their hair and start recruiting at the local Hot Topic. “Free tube of Edward glitter with each Book of Mormon!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613.md?page=3)