# Sparkly Vampires?!? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 22, 2009, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613 "2009-06-22T17:22:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/81 "2009-06-24T17:53:49Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > …it’s pretty darn contrived to have Bella suddenly able to conceive a perfect half-vampire child so she can live happily ever after with her perfect vampire family… Wait, she lives happily ever after, after having her baby _bitten out of her?_:eek: ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/82 "2009-06-24T19:24:46Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > And yet I’ve read all the books. Multiple times. I can’t help it, they’re like Twinkies. Bad, mass-produced, greasy, fluffy, creamy, yummy Twinkies. I have no self-control. [Bears repeating.](http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/20c283f98bbef6b634a50e04b7ddbe5a)😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/83 "2009-06-24T22:02:14Z")
> [@emmaliminal](#): > > Wait, she lives happily ever after, after having her baby _bitten out of her?_:eek: Well, unlike the pacing, cigar-smoking new dads of yesteryear, a lot of modern fathers like to be involved in the delivery process. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/84 "2009-06-24T22:03:47Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Well, unlike the pacing, cigar-smoking new dads of yesteryear, a lot of modern fathers like to be involved in the delivery process. 😉 I’m thinking Bella has worse issues than secondhand smoke in the delivery room. Seriously, she recovers from the… delivery? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/85 "2009-06-24T22:31:47Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > Gifted with immortality, beauty, strength, speed, intelligence and sparkle, and lacking the need to ever sleep, they choose to use their incredible powers to repeat the final years of highschool over and over and over… > > If you weren’t already undead, wouldn’t you just kill yourself? Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/86 "2009-06-24T22:40:58Z")
No, she dies in childbirth. But don’t worry, she gets vampired and [del]lives[/del] exists sparkly ever after! Isn’t that sweet! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/87 "2009-06-24T23:09:44Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > No, she dies in childbirth. But don’t worry, she gets vampired and [del]lives[/del] exists sparkly ever after! Isn’t that sweet! It’s every young girl’s dream! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/88 "2009-06-24T23:53:55Z")
Another thing – do vampires poop? And if they do, is their poop sparkly? ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/89 "2009-06-25T00:20:28Z")
With an all-liquid diet, I doubt they’d poop. Sparkly PEE, however, seems a certainty. It probably smells like the finest perfume, too. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/90 "2009-06-25T00:29:36Z")
Yes, but would blood digest as pee or poop? We need a professional here. **Qadgop**? ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/91 "2009-06-25T00:38:23Z")
Thinking of vampire physiology, does Meyer ever offer an explanation for the origins of vampires? I don’t remember one in _Twilight_, so does it come up later in the series? I ask because the usual explanations are black magic or demons, and somehow it doesn’t seem to me that she’d go that route. ETA: I found a site called the Twilight Lexicon that has [an e-mail interview with Meyer from 2006](http://www.twilightlexicon.com/?p=34) where she says that vampires do not have bodily fluids aside from a sort of saliva. She explicitly says that vampires cannot reproduce. **tesseract** , some blogger citing this interview was probably where I first heard that Meyer contradicted herself in allowing Bella to have a half-vampire baby. I couldn’t find anything on the Twilight Lexicon site about how the _Twilight_ vampires originated, though. Maybe Meyer couldn’t think of anything. My idea is that some unlucky soul ingested a whole jar of glitter and the next thing he knew he was a sparklepire. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/92 "2009-06-25T02:28:26Z")
Re: sparkly bodily fluids… one of my favorite quotes from the Sparkledammerung is about how the reader knows that newlywed Bella and Edward haven’t had oral sex, becuase Bella isn’t picking sparkles out of her teeth the next morning. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/93 "2009-06-25T02:38:19Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > [QUOTE=Arachne] > My understanding is that Meyer’s Vampires are not dead so much as petrified - literally walking statues. So, their skin has stone-like qualities, like being cold, hard, and “sparkly” in the same way that certain types of stone is “sparkly” - think of quartz. I didn’t get anything like that from _Twilight_, and I guess it’s best for Meyer that I didn’t because that sounds like a bad, dumbed-down rip-off of the vastly superior Tim Powers novel _The Stress of Her Regard_. Powers’s vampiric beings were never humans, but are the last survivors of an ancient race of silicon-based life forms. They become immobile and appear to turn to stone during the day, something not explained in detail but that has to do with changes in the Earth’s atmosphere leaving them with less protection from solar radiation. [/QUOTE] I’m reminded of the ( _ **also** _ vastly better written ) vampires in Barbara Hambly’s _Those Who Hunt The Night_ and _Travelling With The Dead_. They are theorized ( by a human who has a chance to study them ) to be infected by something like a virus that over time replaces their tissues, essentially fossilizing them. This explains why they get more powerful over time - less of them is human flesh. They don’t get sparkly, but do often become bleached in appearance. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/94 "2009-06-25T03:44:25Z")
Well, they HAVE to have some kind of waste product, otherwise they’d get really, REALLY fat. (Although your hair doesn’t grow? Cool – I would SOOO dye my hair bright red, and I’d be a red-head forever!) ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/95 "2009-06-25T04:02:20Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Cool – I would SOOO dye my hair bright red, and I’d be a red-head forever!) Daywalker! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/96 "2009-06-25T04:08:58Z")
Sparkling vampires? I prefer sparkling wine. Vampires suck blood, but stories about spakling vampires just suck. I was given the Twilight books by a very sweet but somewhat ditzy neighbour and friend (whose teen daughter apparently loved it). Argh. I don’t have the heart to tell them it’s crap. But then there is always eBay… ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/97 "2009-06-25T06:28:29Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Re the folklore of male vampires siring children with mortal women, look up ‘dhamphires’ or ‘dhampires’. > > I think the character Blade is supposed to be one. > [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > IIRC, according to the movie, Blade’s mom was very, vey pregnant with a fully human child when she was bitten by a vampire. I think the vamp attack even managed to induce early labor. So she was in the earliest stages of dying and turning into a vampire when Blade was born making his status unique. The original comic origin also had his mother bitten by a vampire as she gave birth to him, but the only power he got from it originally was an immunity to vampire powers (infectious bites, hypnosis, etc.) All that daywalker stuff came from the movies and later got sort of worked into the comics. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/98 "2009-06-25T08:34:18Z")
I’ve never read the book, but I decided to bite the bullet and watched the movie last night. The overall impression I got was that it was a fairly well made film with fairly good acting based on extremely bad source material. They really did their best to turn shit into gold. The directing, photography, and editing were all pretty good. The acting was decent, but you could tell that the actors didn’t quite find their behavior and dialogue to be realistic, but were trying their best to. As far as the ‘sparkly’, I was watching it on a rather small screen so I couldn’t really judge the portrayal of it. I’ll have to watch that scene again on a bigger screen to get the full impact. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/99 "2009-06-25T08:35:55Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Well, they HAVE to have some kind of waste product, otherwise they’d get really, REALLY fat. Maybe they are powered by matter annihilation? ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613/100 "2009-06-25T08:45:18Z")
I also enjoyed the token bits of ho yay 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sparkly-vampires/500613.md?page=6)