# "Speak now..." Ever been to a wedding where someone did? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 21, 2008, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784 "2008-11-21T04:21:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/1 "2008-11-21T04:21:54Z")
People take advantage of that line all the time in sitcoms, and it has to have happened at least once in real life. Alternatively, since most of us haven’t witnessed that, have you ever been at a wedding where you _hoped_ someone would stand up and say something? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/2 "2008-11-21T04:29:09Z")
No, but I’ve wanted to raise my hand and say, “I…never mind.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/3 "2008-11-21T04:35:50Z")
I’ve actually never been to a wedding where that was asked. I think it’s because I’ve only been to Catholic weddings. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/4 "2008-11-21T04:45:57Z")
I hosted a hen night for a girl who was getting married the following day. It made the papers because the grooms girlfriend showed up at the church waving his boxer shorts and with his two kids in tow! This was not a **legal** reason to object to the wedding and it went ahead. I"ve been to a few wedding where people definitely “held their peace” - again not for legal reasons. I have a friend who’s a Justice of the Peace and has married hundreds of people. She’s only once had to cancel a wedding - it turned out to be an attempt at a marriage of convenience, I’m not sure who the official person was that turned up but she said that in another few moments the couple would have been married and it would have been perfectly legal. Some immigration issue in the UK. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/5 "2008-11-21T04:51:06Z")
My sister was worried that I would “speak now” at her first wedding. That was never a possibility because I am not a jackass. (Besides, I had already spoken in private, pointing out _her own_ objections to the groom, but she was still determined to marry the guy. She’s now married to #2, a much better choice.) ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/6 "2008-11-21T05:04:34Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > I’ve actually never been to a wedding where that was asked. I think it’s because I’ve only been to Catholic weddings. I also have never been to a wedding where this was asked, and as a piano player, I’ve been a part of a _lot_ of weddings. ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/7 "2008-11-21T05:26:26Z")
I’ve never been to a wedding where that’s been asked that I can remember. It seems way to risky. That said, I know a girl who broke the heart of two of my best friends. The second friend sort of stole her from the other friend. I was a pretty close friend of the girl, but I knew she was kind of bad news. The first friend actually got chased while naked by her boyfriend before him with a baseball bat. Yeah, she had some serious abandonment issues from her childhood. Her MO was to cheat on each boyfriend rather than just break up with them. Another friend who got uninvited to the wedding tried to get friend #2 to not marry her. They had a heart to heart tequila bender talk the night before the wedding. Nobody was surprised when that marriage ended badly. Sorry if this post in indecipherable due to the cast of characters. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/8 "2008-11-21T05:30:38Z")
> [@Darryl\_Lict](#): > > The second friend sort of stole her from the other friend. Next time you tell a story, can you give the characters names, so I know who’s doing what to whom? I’m all confuzzled. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/9 "2008-11-21T05:35:23Z")
My understanding is that the “speak now…” line was from the days where women were essentially chattel, and the law required the offering of that final chance for someone who had a proprietary interest in the matter to make a claim. I would venture it’s been many, many decades since it was a routine part of a wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/10 "2008-11-21T05:43:19Z")
I was at one where half the congregation cracked up laughing when the minister asked, the bride turned to the crowd and gave them a laughing “ssshhh!” Seems there was one of her work chums who swore repeatedly she’d stand up and yell, "no, she can’t marry him, she’s engaged to _me_!(this being way before SSM was legal in Canada). Alas, she didn’t say it-she would have been a much better spouse than the guy in the tux! ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/11 "2008-11-21T06:20:36Z")
I’m going to be a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding in January, and if they had that phrase and his mom was there… I wouldn’t be surprised if she stood up and protested. Lots of issues there (on the Mom’s part… I think he finally told her off…). ---
**Author:** ![Mk\_VII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/12 "2008-11-21T11:43:10Z")
You’ve got no right to object anyway, by that stage _[English law]_. The time for doing that is when the banns are published. That’s what they’re for. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/13 "2008-11-21T12:52:29Z")
> [@Gary\_T](#): > > My understanding is that the “speak now…” line was from the days where women were essentially chattel, and the law required the offering of that final chance for someone who had a proprietary interest in the matter to make a claim. I would venture it’s been many, many decades since it was a routine part of a wedding. It was part of my wedding. The minister didn’t say those exact words, but there was a whole section about “here’s your chance to object to this marriage, because after today you better shut the fuck up” ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/14 "2008-11-21T12:56:49Z")
I was at a pirate-themed wedding a few years ago where the bride and groom were both actors. (Dangerous people.) The groom and one of his friends staged a scene where, on the official’s asking the question, the friend stood up, said “I do!” drew a prop sword and charged down the aisle. The groom, who was wearing a prop sword of his own, fought him around the room and and defeated him by the altar. The wedding then progressed normally. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/15 "2008-11-21T13:56:13Z")
I was at an arena concert once where at “halftime” between acts somebody got married down in front of the stage. I was sitting someplace up in the upper bowl & at a suitable moment bellowed “Go baaack!!! It’s a traaap!!!”. I can yell really loud and it seems most of the arena heard it. Much laughter ensued. The wedding went ahead after it got quiet again. No clue how the marriage worked out. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/16 "2008-11-21T14:56:00Z")
A friend’s father was a minister in a Protestant church, and used the question as part of the ceremonies he performed. He performed the ceremony for another friend of ours, and we got the chance to ask him at the reception later if, in all the wedding ceremonies he had performed, anybody did object. Apparently, somebody did once. He didn’t expect this–he admitted that he never did expect anybody to object, and used the question more for traditional reasons–but thinking quickly, he stopped the ceremony and pulled the person aside to find out if he really did have a good basis for preventing the wedding. It seems the person was serious, but didn’t have any legal reason (my friend’s father said he would have accepted bigamy as a legal reason, for example), so the ceremony continued. ---
**Author:** ![PeteLikesBikes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/85f322/32.png) [@PeteLikesBikes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeteLikesBikes)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/17 "2008-11-21T15:06:38Z")
Been to lots of weddings, never heard it. Wish someone had said it at my wedding. Live and learn. ---
**Author:** ![Laudenum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Laudenum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laudenum)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/18 "2008-11-21T15:18:41Z")
What are valid reasons for objecting? ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/19 "2008-11-21T15:30:47Z")
Darryl - is this right? "I know a girl **Lilith** who broke the heart of two of my best friends **Abel** and **Cain**. Cain sort of stole her from Abel. I was a pretty close friend of the Lilith, but I knew she was kind of bad news. Abel actually got chased while naked by her boyfriend before him, **Seth** , with a baseball bat. Yeah, Lilith had some serious abandonment issues from her childhood. Her MO was to cheat on each boyfriend rather than just break up with them. Another friend, **Adam** who got uninvited to the wedding tried to get Cain to not marry her. They had a heart to heart tequila bender talk the night before the wedding. Nobody was surprised when that marriage ended badly." ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/20 "2008-11-21T15:35:49Z")
> [@Tracy\_Lord](#): > > I was at a pirate-themed wedding a few years ago where the bride and groom were both actors. (Dangerous people.) The groom and one of his friends staged a scene where, on the official’s asking the question, the friend stood up, said “I do!” drew a prop sword and charged down the aisle. The groom, who was wearing a prop sword of his own, fought him around the room and and defeated him by the altar. The wedding then progressed normally. I love this!!! What an awesome wedding! How romantic! It would have been made better if they guy pirates decided to marry each other. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784.md?page=2)