# "Speak now..." Ever been to a wedding where someone did? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 21, 2008, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784 "2008-11-21T04:21:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/21 "2008-11-21T15:43:08Z")
> [@Laudenum](#): > > What are valid reasons for objecting? Things like one partner is already married, both are the same sex (don’t know about that one these days), partners are closely related. Thinking the marriage is a bad idea is not a valid reason. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/22 "2008-11-21T15:49:11Z")
> [@Mk\_VII](#): > > You’ve got no right to object anyway, by that stage _[English law]_. The time for doing that is when the banns are published. That’s what they’re for. Cite? If so, why is the priest still required to ask a form of that question in the marriage service in the C. of E.'s [Common Worship](http://www.cofe.anglican.org/worship/liturgy/commonworship/texts/marriage/marriage.html)? > [@Common Worship](#): > > The minister says to the congregation > > First, I am required to ask anyone present who knows a reason why these persons may not lawfully marry, to declare it now. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/23 "2008-11-21T16:14:05Z")
> [@Mk\_VII](#): > > You’ve got no right to object anyway, by that stage _[English law]_. The time for doing that is when the banns are published. That’s what they’re for. This was the basis for the first same-sex marriages in Canada. There was sort of a loophole in Canadian law that created two-track system for getting married in Ontario: one through the civil system (governent), one through the church through an old common law method: - publish the banns (by announcing them on three consecutive Sundays), then issue a legal marriage certificate. The church published banns, one man objected, the minister determined that his objection had no validity from a scripture point of view, so the church legal married two gay couples (one male couple, one female couple). Initially the government tried to say it wasn’t valid, but some decade-old Marriage Act said, yes, in fact they _could_ do that. And it was th stepping stone for legalized gay marriages in Canada. As for the OP: never been to a wedding where they officiator said the “speak now” bit. I assumed it was discontinued because hungover prankters get taking the opportunity to “be funny” and disrupt the ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/24 "2008-11-21T16:20:47Z")
I’m sure I’ve heard the part said, never heard anyone actually object. I leave it out of the weddings I officiate (mail-order minister, not ULC). I was Best Man at a regular wedding where it may have been said by the minister. Too bad no one objected. We knew the bride had in the past slutted around & even prostituted, and the groom had also slutted around in his past. However, it turned out the bride was still slutting around at the time & continued off & on for 12 years until the husband finally found out. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/25 "2008-11-21T16:29:02Z")
> [@Tracy\_Lord](#): > > I was at a pirate-themed wedding a few years ago where the bride and groom were both actors. (Dangerous people.) The groom and one of his friends staged a scene where, on the official’s asking the question, the friend stood up, said “I do!” drew a prop sword and charged down the aisle. The groom, who was wearing a prop sword of his own, fought him around the room and and defeated him by the altar. The wedding then progressed normally. Swap “gazebo” for “room” and I was at the same wedding, except the participants in the wedding I attended were carrying live (and sharp) steel. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/26 "2008-11-21T17:55:20Z")
> [@Mk\_VII](#): > > You’ve got no right to object anyway, by that stage _[English law]_. The time for doing that is when the banns are published. That’s what they’re for. I was watching one of those TLC “Wedding Disaster” shows (or maybe it was LMN. Who knows) and an Englishwoman did get up and make a stink at her fiance’s wedding to another woman. She also dragged her daughter to the wedding, because her daughter’s father (this woman’s ex) didn’t ask her to be a flower girl or anything. She admitted it didn’t stop anything but it made her “feel” better. The man and his new wife thought the whole thing was stupid. I can’t imagine making a scene at a wedding, especially where it seems most of the people don’t know who this loony lady is standing up and screaming in the middle of the aisle. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/27 "2008-11-21T18:08:44Z")
Probably apocryphal (but nonetheless funny) story told to me by one of my college professors: A new seminary graduate was performing his first wedding (the professor claimed that said graduate had been one of his students). He came to the part of the cermoney where the minister asks “If anyone has any reason…” Well, as it turns out, someone in the audience raised their hand. Thinking on his feet, the young minister said, “OK, does anyone _else_ have any reason…” and then proceeded with the ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/28 "2008-11-21T18:12:13Z")
> [@Mosier](#): > > It was part of my wedding. The minister didn’t say those exact words, but there was a whole section about “here’s your chance to object to this marriage, because after today you better shut the fuck up” I want that phrasing at my wedding. That is totally awesome, double points if my mother actually shows up. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/29 "2008-11-21T18:36:58Z")
Not an objection, but I was once a bridesmaid at a wedding where the bride came _very_ close to backing out at the last minute. So much so that the wedding started a half hour late because the bride wouldn’t come out of the dressing room. It was a difficult situation–the other bridesmaid and I didn’t know what to do because see, the bride happened to be a very dramatic and emotional person in everyday life. So was this really a cause for concern, or was Jane just being Jane, and everything would be fine? Should we encourage her to follow her instincts and put off the wedding, or should we tell her it was just cold feet and just go and get it over with? She ended up going through with it, but it turned out she should have trusted her instincts. They were divorced about a year and a half later. He wasn’t a bad guy, they just weren’t suited for each other. That wedding was also memorable due to the best man (who was named Razor), bawling (I mean _bawling_) like a two year-old during the entire ceremony. I unfortunately as maid of honor was directly across from him and found it hard to look elsewhere. I spent the wedding where I thought I was going to have trouble not crying choking down my laughter instead. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/30 "2008-11-21T19:06:52Z")
No, but at my wedding at that point someone dropped an empty beer bottle. “…hold your peace.” _CLANK! clank clank. Roll-roll-roll clank! roll roll roll clank! clank!_ _giggles_ “I now pronounce you…” I considered it an auspicious blessing 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/31 "2008-11-21T19:20:47Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Darryl - is this right? > "I know a girl **Lilith** who broke the heart of two of my best friends > **Abel** and **Cain**. Cain sort of stole her from Abel. I was a pretty close friend of the Lilith, but I knew she was kind of bad news. Abel actually got chased while naked by her boyfriend before him, **Seth** , with a baseball bat. > > Yeah, Lilith had some serious abandonment issues from her childhood. Her MO was to cheat on each boyfriend rather than just break up with them. Another friend, **Adam** who got uninvited to the wedding tried to get Cain to not marry her. They had a heart to heart tequila bender talk the night before the wedding. Nobody was surprised when that marriage ended badly." Excellent interpretation. Sorry about the poor story telling. I hope **Lilith** isn’t a doper. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/32 "2008-11-21T19:25:21Z")
I think she started that thread, “Would you kill your children if…” ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/33 "2008-11-21T21:11:26Z")
> [@Gary\_T](#): > > My understanding is that the “speak now…” line was from the days where women were essentially chattel, and the law required the offering of that final chance for someone who had a proprietary interest in the matter to make a claim. A variant of the “speak now” line is still used today when an announcement is made in church of a forthcoming ordination (Anglican church). So unless you’re going to suggest that Anglican ministers are considered to be chattels…I don’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![ShadowFacts](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shadowfacts/32/2934_2.png) [@ShadowFacts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadowFacts)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/34 "2008-11-21T22:10:57Z")
> [@Tracy\_Lord](#): > > I was at a pirate-themed wedding a few years ago where the bride and groom were both actors. (Dangerous people.) The groom and one of his friends staged a scene where, on the official’s asking the question, the friend stood up, said “I do!” drew a prop sword and charged down the aisle. The groom, who was wearing a prop sword of his own, fought him around the room and and defeated him by the altar. The wedding then progressed normally. This just might be the nerdiest thing I’ve ever heard of. And I make my living in theatre! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Karyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Karyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karyn)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/35 "2008-11-21T22:35:05Z")
An old friend that was going through a bad time decided to marry a guy that she had only known for 3 months. We all thought he was a jerk and tried to talk her out of it but she was determined to go ahead with it and held an outdoor wedding on the property. Almost immediately after the wedding started her son, the ring bearer, started crying that he lost the ring in the grass and we had to stop the wedding to find it, then her daughter, the flower girl, ran off crying and screaming that she hated the groom because he yelled at her brother. Once the ceremony started again it began to pour and by the time the minister got to pronouncing them man and wife it was a full-on storm. No one spoke up but lots of people were smirking by then. Then (and I’m not making this up) as I started to sign some form as the witness we were hit with a small earthquake. I looked up at the minister and both of us started to laugh uncontrollably which of course got everyone else going too. The bride and groom were not amused. And then, for some poorly thought out reason, the band decided that the first 2 songs should be “Hard to Handle” and “Never Trust a Woman”. It was my favorite wedding ever, even if they got divorced 3 months later. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/36 "2008-11-22T13:52:43Z")
I must admit that I’ve been to one where I was tempted to say “I’m madly in love with the bride!” It wasn’t really true. I tend to overstate those things; hell, even my "No"s are come-ons. I really did dig her though 😉 But it wouldn’t have changed anything, except for making the whole thing even more awkward–the bride, the only person in the entire wedding who I was close to, already knew of my attentions. Plus, the groom was a sincerely good guy, a better man than me, and they were planning their lives together. And little did I know at the time that I had a crush on the groom too! ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/37 "2008-11-22T14:20:54Z")
so don’t leave us hanging - were there any subsequent developments? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/38 "2008-11-22T14:56:01Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > I also have never been to a wedding where this was asked, and as a piano player, I’ve been a part of a _lot_ of weddings. Ditto here, as a photographer with near 200 weddings under his belt. Now, it’s possible it has been asked and I just didn’t notice it, but suffice to say that it isn’t the norm by a long stretch around these parts. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/39 "2008-11-22T15:26:07Z")
it appears to be part of the standard liturgy for weddings in the [Episcopal Church](http://www.justus.anglican.org/resources/bcp/marriage.pdf) [pdf] > [@](#): > > Into this holy union N.N. and N.N. now come to be joined. If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be married, speak now; or else for ever hold your peace. Don’t know if it’s still standard in other churches. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2008, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784/40 "2008-11-22T15:35:02Z")
My oldest brother says he once did this at a friend’s wedding. He felt obliged to warn the bride one final time that she dared not marry a non-Christian, lest she be unequally yoked together and thus take the first step on the path to damnation. He claims that it worked. I didn’t witness it, and as I would happily feed this brother to alligators given the chance, I am perhaps not the best judge of the credibility of the story [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-now-ever-been-to-a-wedding-where-someone-did/473784.md?page=3)