# Speak to me in Saturday Night Live Quotes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [June 5, 2016, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542 "2016-06-05T02:11:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/1 "2016-06-05T02:11:53Z")
Isn’t that special? ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/2 "2016-06-05T02:25:20Z")
Good evening. I’m Chevy Chase, and you’re not. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/3 "2016-06-05T03:21:41Z")
Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/4 "2016-06-05T03:58:03Z")
There. _That_ wasn’t so good, was it? ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/5 "2016-06-05T04:11:56Z")
Jane, you ignorant slut! ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/6 "2016-06-05T04:26:41Z")
Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/7 "2016-06-05T04:29:21Z")
Candygram! ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/8 "2016-06-05T04:35:21Z")
Hey, hey, hey, calm down, you two. New Shimmer is both a floor wax _and_ a dessert topping! ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/9 "2016-06-05T04:45:30Z")
We’re from France. Let us consume mass quantities. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/10 "2016-06-05T04:49:45Z")
Come with us now … from the bubbling tarpits to the sulfurous wasteland … from the rotting forest to the stagnant mud flats … to the long lost Land of Gorch! ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/11 "2016-06-05T05:01:13Z")
C. I. L. L. My landlord. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/12 "2016-06-05T05:50:46Z")
We have been in this business a long time. With our experience, we’re gonna have ideas for change combinations that probably haven’t occurred to you. If you have a $50 bill, we can give you fifty singles. We can give you forty-nine singles and ten dimes. We can give you twenty-five twos. Come talk to us. We are _not_ going to give you change that you don’t want. If you come to us with a hundred-dollar bill, we’re not going to give you two-thousand nickels - unless that meets your particular change needs. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/13 "2016-06-05T09:57:04Z")
Robots are everywhere and they eat old people’s medicine for fuel. ---
**Author:** ![HeatherPA](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heatherpa/32/3072_2.png) [@HeatherPA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeatherPA)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/14 "2016-06-05T11:08:54Z")
Talk amongst yourselves ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/15 "2016-06-05T11:52:16Z")
He’s a mighty decent guy, I must say. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/16 "2016-06-05T14:37:14Z")
**Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!** ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/17 "2016-06-05T15:00:17Z")
Before I begin, I want to tell you a little about myself, so you’ll know where I’m coming from. First off, I am 35 years old… I am thrice divorced… and I live in a **van down by the river!** ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/18 "2016-06-05T19:57:43Z")
“I am not like Sheldon. I am not a scientist. I do not speak Klingon. I do have a male roommate, but I assure you it is a vastly different arrangement.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/19 "2016-06-05T21:29:03Z")
And you are…? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2016, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/20 "2016-06-05T21:39:03Z")
But enough talk, let’s get right to tonight’s art classics. Now, the first one here is called Venus of Irbino, and it was painted in 1538 by a guy in Venice. And, this is for real, his name is spelled T-I-T-I-A-N. **Tit** ian! Honest to God! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542.md?page=2)