# Speak to me in Saturday Night Live Quotes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [June 5, 2016, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542 "2016-06-05T02:11:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2016, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/81 "2016-06-11T11:55:02Z")
Ohhhh look, an eviction notice! Brought by Mr. Landlord! Can you say “scumbucket”? ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/82 "2016-06-12T05:46:14Z")
That’s the news, and I am outta here+ ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/83 "2016-06-12T06:08:54Z")
Well, Jane, it just goes to show you, it’s always something! If it’s not one thing, it’s another! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/84 "2016-06-12T13:28:30Z")
According to a new study, fifty-five percent of adults feel that women are most responsible for minor fender benders, while seventy-eight percent blame men for most fatal car crashes. Please note that the percentages in these pie graphs do not add up to a hundred percent, because the math was done by a woman. For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be noted that _that_ joke was written _by a woman,_ so – now you don’t know what the hell to do, do you? Nah, I’m just kidding; we don’t hire women. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/85 "2016-06-12T15:27:12Z")
Save the liver! ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/86 "2016-06-12T15:27:30Z")
Wookin’ pa nub in all the wong paces… ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/87 "2016-06-12T15:29:21Z")
Oh, we can’t eat any of this. We have diverticulitiiiis! ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/88 "2016-06-12T15:40:22Z")
I hate when that happens! ---
**Author:** ![saucywench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@saucywench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucywench)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/89 "2016-06-12T16:18:19Z")
Babies… before we’re done here… y’all be wearing gold-plated diapers. ---
**Author:** ![Oglomott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oglomott/32/3543_2.png) [@Oglomott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oglomott)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/90 "2016-06-12T16:25:00Z")
Simmer down now! I live in a van down by the river! Don’t tell my parents I said dat! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/91 "2016-06-12T16:42:23Z")
I wonder what it would be like if we all became what we _wanted_ to be when we grew up? I mean, imagine a world filled with nothing but firemen, cowboys, nurses and ballerinas. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/92 "2016-06-12T18:46:30Z")
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/93 "2016-06-12T20:13:05Z")
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they’re gone. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2016, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/94 "2016-06-12T23:49:11Z")
Hello, good evening, and what can I tell you…? ---
**Author:** ![saucywench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@saucywench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucywench)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2016, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/95 "2016-06-13T04:38:02Z")
Ah, good, good… I guess this is the part of the trip where we all wait for you! How fun! Okay. Buh-bye. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2016, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/96 "2016-06-13T15:16:32Z")
Buckwheat is dead. How did it happen? Let’s take a look. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/97 "2016-06-13T15:51:17Z")
…so if we channel the $72 million through Ivan Boesky, we’ll have enough left over for Syria and South Ghana. Now, next point on the agenda is… [Reagan notices all the members of his staff asleep in their chairs] Ed? Donald? Hello-o! Well, just me again… great. Well, I’ve been doing it this way for six years, why should I change now? [checks his watch] 3am… [dials phone] The banks should be opening in Zurich right about now… ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2016, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/98 "2016-06-13T21:16:44Z")
Beldar Conehead: Proceed, human, proceed! Richard Dawson: Is that like “Go, man, go”? Alright… name a famous explorer. Beldar Conehead: Vypron the Insistent. Richard Dawson: The biggest holiday of the year. Beldar Conehead: The Moons of Mypzor! Richard Dawson: A place you keep your valuables. Beldar Conehead: In a muldra iron field. Richard Dawson: A mode of transportation. Beldar Conehead: A phone shoe. Richard Dawson: Something you eat with eggs. Beldar Conehead: Fiberglass. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2016, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/99 "2016-06-14T03:41:32Z")
Let’s see your answer. Oh, I’m sorry, that must be your wager: a “Buck.” And your answer is: “Futter.” Buck Futter. I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2016, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542/100 "2016-06-14T04:08:34Z")
¿Quien es mas macho, Lloyd Bridges o Fernando Lamas? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-saturday-night-live-quotes/756542.md?page=6)