I am the slime from your video
Oozing along on your living room floor
He did a polka hop
Across the room and stopped
In front of Daddy’s hi-fi with gifts in his hand
Mama says some ugly words
Daddy pounds the wall
They can fight about their little girl later
Right now they don’t care at all
Please, Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas
I don’t want to see my mother cry
Snortin’ whiskey and drinkin’ cocaine
We’re snortin’ whiskey and drinkin’ cocaine
Got this feelin’ I’m gonna drive that girl insane
Early one morning while making the rounds
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my baby down
You take Sally and I’ll take Sue
There ain’t no difference between the two
Cocaine, running all 'round my brain
It doesn’t show signs of stopping
And I’ve brought some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
The elves are dressed in leather and the angels are in chains
Christmas with the Devil
The sugar plums are rancid and the stockings are in flames
Christmas with the Devil
There’s a demon in my belly and a gremlin in my brain
There’s someone up the chimney hole and Satan is his name
God cast me down from heaven’s door
To rule in Hell forever more
But now I’m kinda glad that I fell
'Cos it’s Christmas time in Hell
He does the Devil’s work
He’s Satan Claus
He’s a real big jerk
He’s Satan Claus
Kids sit on his lap
He’s Satan Claus
And he gives them crap!
He’s Satan Claus
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner, but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend’s pregnant now. How far along is she?
Look, I’m really flattered you would call your daughter that
And here’s an autograph for your brother I wrote it on a Starter cap
I’m sorry I didn’t see you at the show, I must’ve missed you
Don’t think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what’s this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too? I say that shit just clowning, dawg
Come on, how fucked up is you?
You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some counselin’
My friend Stan’s got a funny old man
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He makes him work all night 'til he can’t do it right
Oh yeah, aha
Just a little bobsled we call the old Saint Nick
But she’ll walk a toboggan with a four speed stick
She’s candy apple red with a ski for a wheel
And when Santa hits the gas man just watch her peel
Smoke was comin’ from out of the back
When I started to gain on that Cadillac.
Knew I could catch him, I thought I could pass.
Don’t you know by then we’d be low on gas?
Switchblade, three two-barrels
Gettin’ there as fast as he can
All juiced up like a hot carburetor
Spittin’ gas onto the fan
Told my girl I had to forget her
Rather buy me a new carburetor
So she made tracks sayin’ this is the end now
Cars don’t talk back they’re just four-wheeled friends now
Santa’s comin’ in a pickup
Instead of his trusty sleigh
He’ll have a truck instead of reindeer
To carry him on his way
I got me a double-wide
You can hardly tell it’s a trailer from the inside
In the mobile park
They got plastic pink flamingos that glow in the dark
Sure I don’t have much, but you’ll never complain
I’ll give your mother a son and your children a name
You’ll get a love divine, supreme, deluxe
It’s a love as big as a monstertruck