# Speak to me in...TV quotes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [November 17, 2022, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107 "2022-11-17T22:21:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 166
**Author:** ![llikewise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/llikewise/32/8522_2.png) [@llikewise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llikewise)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2026, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3301 "2026-05-28T18:30:01Z")
That’s the kind of funeral I would have wanted. Not me - I want to be cremated, and my ashes thrown on Robert Redford. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2026, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3302 "2026-05-28T18:59:50Z")
"I used to think it was awful that life was fair. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3303 "2026-05-29T01:50:38Z")
It’s no use, Lurch. Apparently I am doomed to live. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3304 "2026-05-29T08:37:05Z")
It’s life, Jim, just not as we know it! ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3305 "2026-05-29T13:40:34Z")
I will solve your murder, but it takes John Watson to save your life. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3306 "2026-05-29T15:05:45Z")
Oh, just one more thing… ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3307 "2026-05-29T18:58:03Z")
“I’m the Commissioner. I know everything.” ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2026, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3308 "2026-05-30T13:25:41Z")
“Will you come to headquarters right away?” “It will be a pleasure, Commissioner Gordon.” ---
**Author:** ![llikewise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/llikewise/32/8522_2.png) [@llikewise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llikewise)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2026, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3309 "2026-05-30T19:58:11Z")
Max, let me give you a quick briefing. First of all, do you know what this is? [_hands over a picture of Dante’s Inthermo ray_] I believe it’s a photograph. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2026, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3310 "2026-05-30T21:54:39Z")
M-M-M-Max Headroom… ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2026, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3311 "2026-05-30T22:45:14Z")
Max Power, that’s the man whose name you’d love to touch, but you mustn’t touch! That name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it, you mustn’t fear. 'Cause that name could be said by anyone! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2026, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3312 "2026-05-31T00:47:49Z")
Max: Hey Virg, how come you can’t fly? Virgil: I learned to read instead. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2026, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3313 "2026-05-31T18:26:41Z")
“How long are you going to read?” “Until I’m finished.” ---
**Author:** ![llikewise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/llikewise/32/8522_2.png) [@llikewise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llikewise)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2026, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3314 "2026-05-31T20:15:56Z")
_I’m gonna read you to filth!_ ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2026, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3315 "2026-06-01T22:38:15Z")
I have to urinate. ---
**Author:** ![llikewise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/llikewise/32/8522_2.png) [@llikewise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llikewise)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3316 "2026-06-02T00:17:22Z")
**Are you guys okay?** **No, I’m not okay! Barry took a dump in front of us!** **I had to go!** **It was bad.** ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3317 "2026-06-02T02:38:29Z")
When I was in the bathroom, I was thinking about how much I love donuts. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3318 "2026-06-02T14:49:00Z")
He’s a shy pooper. He has a secret pooping place. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3319 "2026-06-02T17:00:06Z")
Introducing the Undercover Office Potty. The only toilet that looks like a lamp. So you can go whenever you want, and no one has to know. Just open it up and go to town. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2026, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3320 "2026-06-02T21:17:54Z")
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