# Speak to me in...TV quotes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [November 17, 2022, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107 "2022-11-17T22:21:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 175
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2026, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3481 "2026-08-07T17:13:34Z")
Fear is the glue. Take it away, the whole thing falls apart ---
**Author:** ![llikewise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/llikewise/32/8522_2.png) [@llikewise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llikewise)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2026, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3482 "2026-08-07T21:18:21Z")
Mmmkay. Adrian Monk, care and feeding. Special diet, schedule, phobias. Heights, germs, snakes, crowds, milk… You’re afraid of milk? How old are you, man? I got a 2 year old nephew who’s not afraid of milk. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2026, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3483 "2026-08-08T02:51:53Z")
You just said ‘Hi! Hi! Hi!’ Hee hee hee You sounded like my niece, and she’s six months old! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2026, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3484 "2026-08-08T17:17:00Z")
There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2026, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3485 "2026-08-10T13:57:34Z")
When enough people make false promises, words stop meaning anything. Then there are no more answers—only better and better lies. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2026, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3486 "2026-08-10T18:06:29Z")
Right. I got a letter today that said, uh… 'You’re a lying liar. You lie almost as well as Bartlet." ---
**Author:** ![llikewise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/llikewise/32/8522_2.png) [@llikewise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llikewise)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2026, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3487 "2026-08-10T22:27:15Z")
In the good times, and there were alot of good times, you use to forgive me my fibs… I mean, my little fibs. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3488 "2026-08-11T03:46:52Z")
My mom says that when we deceive for personal gain we make Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3489 "2026-08-11T03:54:32Z")
I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3490 "2026-08-11T13:15:30Z")
Deacon, I think you need to open your Bible and reread the part about the Ten Commandments. Especially the one about bearing false witness. ---
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3491 "2026-08-11T13:49:47Z")
Oh, now you love the ten commandments, yet you’re the one who so conveniently forgot “Thou shalt protect thy father, and honor no one above him, unless it be-eth me, thy sweet Lord.” ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3492 "2026-08-11T18:25:29Z")
Oh just about everything is a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this thing? Literally _everything_ is a sin ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3493 "2026-08-11T20:29:07Z")
It was a sin for you to _ **wanna** _ feel up Ellen, it was a sin for you to _ **plan** _ to feel up Ellen, it was a sin for you to _figure out a **place** _ to feel up Ellen, it was a sin to _ **take** _ Ellen to the place to feel her up, it was a sin to _ **try** _ to feel her up, and it was a sin to _ **feel her up!** _ There were _ **SIX SINS** _ in one feel, man! _I know this was one of George Carlin’s live stand-up routines and was on at least one of his albums, but I’m also positive I heard this on a TV special at sometime in the distant past during my young adulthood… However, if it is the group’s consensus that this doesn’t count, then so be it._ _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3494 "2026-08-11T22:34:12Z")
Now, old woman, you are accused of heresy on three counts: heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action— _four_ counts. Do you confess? ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3495 "2026-08-11T23:23:06Z")
I confess! (BE SEATED) Oof! … I confess! (BE SEATED) Oof! … ---
**Author:** ![llikewise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/llikewise/32/8522_2.png) [@llikewise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llikewise)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3496 "2026-08-11T23:59:46Z")
Your Honor, Mr. Mason is coaching the witness. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2026, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3497 "2026-08-12T15:42:43Z")
Objection. Counsel is mocking the witness. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2026, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3498 "2026-08-12T19:16:11Z")
I have an erection. That’s a good sign. I’m ready to go to trial. Lock and load. ---
**Author:** ![llikewise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/llikewise/32/8522_2.png) [@llikewise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llikewise)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2026, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3499 "2026-08-12T23:49:38Z")
No, he still did, actually. To this day, he still calls that the week of boners that ruined his life. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2026, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107/3500 "2026-08-14T13:32:29Z")
Gilligan, that’s the fifth shovel you’ve broken this week! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107.md?page=174) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-in-tv-quotes/975107.md?page=176)