# Speak to me only in Simpsons Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [August 17, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819 "2012-08-17T21:16:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Jimbabweosu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85f322/32.png) [@Jimbabweosu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimbabweosu)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2012, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/181 "2012-09-06T16:15:27Z")
Marge, alarmed" “Homer, STOP! You’re drinking dish soap again!” Homer pulls bottle from mouth and looks at it. Shrugs shoulders. Homer: “Yeah, well, what’re ya gonna do?” Replaces bottle in mouth, drinks deeply. My favorite exchange in all of Simpsons-dom! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2012, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/182 "2012-09-06T19:51:44Z")
I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman! ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2012, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/183 "2012-09-06T22:05:09Z")
Bartyouwannaseemynewchainsawandhockeymask?!?! ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2012, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/184 "2012-09-06T22:40:33Z")
Convicted of a crime I didn’t even commit! “Attempted Murder”? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for “Attempted Chemistry”? Do they? ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2012, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/185 "2012-09-07T00:24:15Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > They’ll never know the simple joys of a monkey knife fight. Furious George! – What have they done to your beautiful face?! ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2012, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/186 "2012-09-07T00:29:02Z")
“Hello, is Seymour there? Yeah, Seymour. His last name’s ‘Butts.’” “Ok, I wanna Seymour Butts! Hey, I said I wanna Seymour Butts!” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2012, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/187 "2012-09-07T15:29:01Z")
We can’t bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don’t go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m’shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you’d say. Now where was I… oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn’t get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones… ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2012, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/188 "2012-09-07T16:04:08Z")
Oh man, I shouldn’t have had all that beer and coffee and watermelon. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/189 "2012-09-07T19:32:41Z")
Well, if it’s a crime to love one’s country, then I’m guilty. And if it’s a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I’m guilty of that too. And if it’s a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I’ll soon be guilty of that! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2012, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/190 "2012-09-07T19:52:39Z")
When I call an establishment asking to speak to my Russian business associate Yuri Nator, I do not expect to be lectured to like I was a ten year old boy making a crank call. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2012, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/191 "2012-09-07T20:35:06Z")
I like men now. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/192 "2012-09-08T00:26:59Z")
This anonymous band of slack-jawed troglodytes just cost me the election. Yet if I were to have them killed, _I_ would be the one to go to jail! That’s democracy for you. ---
**Author:** ![orcenio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orcenio/32/1036_2.png) [@orcenio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orcenio)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/193 "2012-09-08T01:03:38Z")
Always remember, if something goes wrong, just blame it on the guy who doesn’t speak any English. ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/194 "2012-09-08T02:50:49Z")
“Now, kids, today is a very special day.” “YAAAAYYYY!!! JUDGEMENT DAY!! JUDGEMENT DAY!!” ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/195 "2012-09-08T03:59:06Z")
> [@robardin](#): > > This anonymous band of slack-jawed troglodytes just cost me the election. Yet if I were to have them killed, _I_ would be the one to go to jail! That’s democracy for you. You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/196 "2012-09-08T14:03:54Z")
We’re going out, Marge! If we don’t come back, avenge our deaths! ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/197 "2012-09-08T14:04:57Z")
Oh, my God! Space aliens! Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them! ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/198 "2012-09-08T14:05:58Z")
If it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/199 "2012-09-08T14:07:26Z")
_Bonjourrrrrrrr_, ya cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys! ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/200 "2012-09-08T14:08:28Z")
Would it really be worth living in a world without television? I think the survivors would envy the dead. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819.md?page=11)