# Speak to me only in Simpsons Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [August 17, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819 "2012-08-17T21:16:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/302 "2012-10-21T03:28:25Z")
We need some more secret sauce. Put the mayonnaise in the sun. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/303 "2012-10-21T16:24:36Z")
You know you’re not supposed to go in there, Ralphie. What _is_ your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery? ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/304 "2012-10-21T19:21:59Z")
First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. That’s when it’s time to kick some back! ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/305 "2012-10-21T22:27:41Z")
“Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?” “No! _[bzzt!]_ All right, maybe I did, but I didn’t shoot him.” _[ding!]_ “Checks out. Okay sir, you’re free to go.” “That’s good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. _[bzzt!]_ Umm, a date. _[bzzt!]_ Dinner with friends. _[bzzt!]_ Dinner alone. _[bzzt!]_ Watching TV alone. _[bzzt!]_ All right! I’m gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria Secret’s catalog. _[bzzt!]_ …Sears catalog. _[ding!]_ Now will you unhook this already? I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment!” _[bzzt!]_ ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/306 "2012-10-22T00:37:17Z")
You know, a man came into the store today and asked for change for a dollar, and I accidentally gave him three quarters. Took me all afternoon just to track him down. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/307 "2012-10-22T03:15:28Z")
Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. ---
**Author:** ![Runestar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/74df32/32.png) [@Runestar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runestar)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/308 "2012-10-22T15:50:32Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > “Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?” > “No! _[bzzt!]_ All right, maybe I did, but I didn’t shoot him.” _[ding!]_ > “Checks out. Okay sir, you’re free to go.” > “That’s good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. _[bzzt!]_ Umm, a date. _[bzzt!]_ Dinner with friends. _[bzzt!]_ Dinner alone. _[bzzt!]_ Watching TV alone. _[bzzt!]_ All right! I’m gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria Secret’s catalog. _[bzzt!]_ …Sears catalog. _[ding!]_ Now will you unhook this already? I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment!” _[bzzt!]_ May I just say, this is the one Simpsons’ quote that always makes me snort out loud, whether I see the actual episode or read the transcript. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/309 "2012-10-22T21:32:49Z")
I’m doing it! I’m doing it! Ahh! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/310 "2012-10-23T13:35:32Z")
We come in peace for cats and mice everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![destineal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@destineal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/destineal)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2012, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/311 "2012-10-23T13:40:05Z")
I call the big one Bitey. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/312 "2012-10-24T17:18:50Z")
Marge: “You know how I feel about fake kidnappings!” Homer: _“Still?”_ ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/313 "2012-10-24T17:27:08Z")
Now the monkeys cannot bite me! I am like sugar to them! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/314 "2012-10-24T19:04:37Z")
Simpson, eh…? ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/315 "2012-10-24T19:08:57Z")
Big deal! When I was a boy, we used to get spanked by presidents ALL the time! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/316 "2012-10-24T19:21:11Z")
All right, Colossus, you’re free to go. But stay away from Death Mountain. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/317 "2012-10-24T20:24:22Z")
In that case I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island. Don’t worry, it’s just a name! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/318 "2012-10-24T20:29:45Z")
Why, you little… ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2012, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/319 "2012-10-24T20:59:49Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > In that case I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island. Don’t worry, it’s just a name! That’s right – it’s actually a peninsula. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/320 "2012-10-25T02:14:03Z")
Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards? ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2012, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/321 "2012-10-25T05:46:11Z")
It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819.md?page=17)