# Speak to me only in Simpsons Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [August 17, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819 "2012-08-17T21:16:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 20
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_jeffrey_lebowski/32/215_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Jeffrey_Lebowski)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/382 "2012-11-22T21:03:12Z")
Hey, fatty! I’ve got a movie for ya - “A Fridge Too Far!” ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/383 "2012-11-22T22:27:11Z")
(educational film about the lower gravity on the moon: a fat kid is stuffing his face) Slow down, tubby! You’re not on the moon yet. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/384 "2012-11-23T04:52:04Z")
“If there’s one thing America needs, it’s more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?” ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/385 "2012-11-23T13:40:13Z")
Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/386 "2012-11-23T17:45:20Z")
“Now, Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she _forgot_ that bottle of… delicious… bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors… so tempting. [holds the bottle to his ear] [whispering] What’s that? You want me to drink you? But I’m in the middle of a trial!” ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/387 "2012-11-23T18:44:36Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > “If there’s one thing America needs, it’s more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?” “Legally, I am allowed to shake him by the ankles and see what comes out. It was established in the case of _Lawyers v. Justice_… That was a wonderful day for us!” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2012, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/388 "2012-11-23T20:59:23Z")
Clogging our courts since 1974! ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/389 "2012-11-24T07:44:39Z")
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2012, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/390 "2012-11-24T23:29:40Z")
“Have the Rolling Stones killed.” “But sir, those were the --” “Do as I tell you!!” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/391 "2012-11-25T01:00:10Z")
“I Can’t Believe It’s A Law Firm!” ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2012, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/392 "2012-11-25T04:04:25Z")
**WORKS ON CONTINGENCY[size=“5”]? NO,MONEY DOWN!**[/size]allcaps ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2012, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/393 "2012-11-25T04:42:36Z")
“If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2012, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/394 "2012-11-25T05:12:51Z")
“Motivated seller!” ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2012, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/395 "2012-11-25T05:28:57Z")
Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2012, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/396 "2012-11-25T09:25:43Z")
“LIES, LIES, LIES! _I_ did it! I did it all! You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! No truth-handler, you! Bah, I deride your truth-handling abilities. Only _I_ could have executed such a masterpiece of electoral fraud, and I have the records to prove it! Here, just look at these – each one a work of Machiavellian art. But why? Because you _need_ me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! _That’s_ why I did this: to protect you from yourselves! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a city to run.” “Bailiff, place the mayor under arrest.” “What? Oh yes…all that stuff I did.” ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2012, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/397 "2012-11-25T12:05:40Z")
All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say ‘Yo Goober! Where’s the meat!?’. I’m trying to impress people here Lisa. You don’t win friends with salad. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/398 "2012-11-26T02:51:27Z")
I was elected to lead, not to read. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2012, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/399 "2012-11-26T03:24:04Z")
Hey, there’s a balloon machine in our bathroom! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/400 "2012-11-26T14:32:17Z")
Ganesh has been subdued. The wedding may now continue. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2012, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/401 "2012-11-26T16:16:25Z")
Things aren’t as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819.md?page=19) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819.md?page=21)