# Speak to me only in Simpsons Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [August 17, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819 "2012-08-17T21:16:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 34
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/662 "2014-08-11T01:53:12Z")
I didn’t earn it, I don’t need it. But if they miss one payment, I’ll raise hell! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/663 "2014-08-11T02:17:40Z")
Dear Advertisers, I am disgusted at the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant fun loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals. Who remember the good old days, when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again: Number 1: Bra, Number 2: Horny, Number 3: Family jewels. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/664 "2014-08-11T03:07:02Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Dear Advertisers, I am disgusted at the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant fun loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals. Who remember the good old days, when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again: Number 1: Bra, Number 2: Horny, Number 3: Family jewels. [#646.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17620111&postcount=646) 😛 Dear Mr. President: There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot! ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/665 "2014-08-11T05:12:17Z")
Shut up. Shut up. Kiss my butt. Shut up. Go to Hell. Go to Hell. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/666 "2014-08-11T12:23:18Z")
Look, Homer, all of us pull a few boners now and then, go off half-cocked, make asses of ourselves. So, I don’t want to be hard on you, but I just wish you wouldn’t curse in front of my boys. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/667 "2014-08-11T15:30:26Z")
It’s kind of a funny story, really. After five years in a secret P.O.W. camp, I was sold to China for slave labor. And since '77 I’ve been making sneakers at gunpoint in a sweatshop in Boo-Haun. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/668 "2014-08-11T15:57:37Z")
The year was 1968. We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flack jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an iron-on sporting the MAD slogan _“Up with Mini-skirts!”_ Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn’t quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed “Charlie” to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can’t get the spices right! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/669 "2014-08-11T22:35:33Z")
Get your Haggis right here! Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep’s stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds! ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/670 "2014-08-11T23:14:59Z")
Well, maybe if you’d eat some meat you’d have a natural lubricant. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/671 "2014-08-12T19:25:09Z")
Oh, I have had it, I have had it with this school, Skinner! The low test scores, and class after class of ugly, ugly children! ---
**Author:** ![Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c67d28/32.png) [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/672 "2014-08-12T20:15:47Z")
I’m enjoying this “iced cream”… ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/673 "2014-08-12T20:18:54Z")
Yes, I’d like to send this letter to the Prussian Consulate in Siam by aero-mail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro? ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/674 "2014-08-12T20:33:33Z")
Oh, Mr. Burns, we’ll thaw you out the second they discover the cure for seventeen stab wounds in the back. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/675 "2014-08-12T22:01:00Z")
Several? That’s more than a few, and almost a bunch. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/676 "2014-08-12T23:50:52Z")
Send a ham to his widow. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/677 "2014-08-13T07:45:21Z")
Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2014, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/678 "2014-08-14T01:38:27Z")
Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing? Just to throw the fear of God into them? ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2014, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/679 "2014-08-14T03:59:28Z")
Oh, you Americans with your “due process” and “fair trials”! This is always so much easier in Mexico. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2014, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/680 "2014-08-14T20:11:48Z")
¡Ay, Dios no me ama! ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2014, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819/681 "2014-08-15T03:56:44Z")
_¿Ay, donde esta mi tequila?_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819.md?page=33) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/speak-to-me-only-in-simpsons-quotes/631819.md?page=35)