disassembling a 1½ year old laptop? should be calling asus-support.
Don’t forget to try all of the steps that have been detailed for verifying that your power supply (the charger) is working. It is usually easy and cheap to replace, and they definitely fail. It seems like the most likely failure for the symptoms to me. Another possibility is a bad charging port on the laptop. But first, verify that the power supply is, in fact, supplying power.
There are a couple decent teardown guides on this model.
The battery is annoying but not unassailable by a novice just be careful about cables that may be glued to inner surfaces that may be damaged if care is not taken in pulling the unit apart. A computer or phone repair shop shouldn’t charge you more than an hour labor to do this. Around here, around $70.
Battery is around $60 on amazon.
Side note, if you are not comfortable tearing it apart yourself, bring it to a shop. Shops don’t like getting half pulled apart machines for a couple good reasons.
#1 Its** alot** easier to put it back together if you saw how it came apart.
#2 people who bring in already disassembled things tend to bring us things “after” they have broken or damaged something trying on their own, then try to blame us when the “simple battery replacement” fails.
before taking it to a shop or ordering a battery, a replacement power adapter is around $20 and could very well solve the problem.
You know… there are times in this strange journey called “life” when–if one is wont to self-assessments now and then–one considers oneself “smart.” Even “intelligent.” One takes pride in how quickly one finishes the Sunday Times crossword in ink (and late in the month, too… none of those easy early-week puzzles!). One may remember fooling the entire town in an SDMB Mafia by turning out to be the only evil person in the game. One may even bask in the glory of having written a (very short) speech delivered by President Clinton.
OTOH, at times one must acknowledge that one is a tremendous idiot of the lowest caliber.
This is one of those times.
So, yeah. Here’s the thing. Um, it was simply that the motherfucking power charger was not PLUGGED INTO THE GODFORSAKEN WALL.
See… I keep the power cord plugged into an outlet that’s right beneath another plug, for my lamp. It’s out of sight behind my dresser, and since I never really do anything that moves the dresser, much less affects the outlets, I assumed that all was usual. The lamp works. And the power charger cord, when I first had the laptop problem and I lightly tugged it just to see if that was the issue, didn’t move. If it had been loose, thought I, I’d have been able to pull it free. (That’s on my lazy ass for not getting up to look at it directly.)
Now last night I had to move the dresser for some reason, just a little, and my eyes noticed the outlet and saw only one plug in there. For only the fleetest of moments my brain flickered on and thought: Hmm, shouldn’t that be two of them? And then I got distracted by some butterfly or a speck of dust or whatever the HELL my mind got distracted by.
Just now I saw you guys talking about the power charger and suggesting I test it, and my immediate reaction was “Yeah but why should it suddenly stop working? Plus, I don’t have anything else to test it on since my laptop’s the only thing that uses this particularly type of charger oh wait a second holy shit didn’t I notice just yesterday that there was only one bleedin’ plug there?!”
My cats got startled when I yelled out “Oh you have got to be kidding me!!!” (Then again, I strongly suspect it was one of them who knocked the damn plug out in the first place, and none of them 'fessed up, so their conspiracy of silence deserved a bit of a fright!) I checked and the charger cord was wedged between the dresser and the wall–explaining why it “felt” as if it was still in place.
TLDR: the power cord wasn’t plugged in. I plugged it in now. The laptop turned on and is charging
I wish this didn’t make me look technologically ignorant. The answer was so damn simple I didn’t even contemplate it.
Thank you all very very VERY much for your help. I am extremely embarrassed to have wasted your time on this thread. I did learn some tricks and tips on things that can go wrong on a laptop, so hopefully I’m prepared for the next crisis, which will probably just be that I forgot to turn the thing on.
On the plus side it allows me to say hi to drachillix, who built my desktop back in 2011 and it’s still working now. (Though I admit I bought a new one last November… I just haven’t unboxed it/assembled it yet.)
I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why a $3000 commercial router and managed switch package was not passing internet through. Helps if there is actually ya know a cable plugged from the modem to the router…
Glad to hear another of my old machines is still soldiering on. I just recently closed my shop and am just working a bunch of service contracts from home.
My recommendation in post 8, days ago, would have cleared up your problem instantly and effortlessly. Please read the replies when you start threads asking for help.
I did–I thought you meant unplugging the charger from the laptop, letting it rest, and trying again. I had done that about four times before you suggested it, and I thought you were the one who hadn’t read that I’d already done this.
So, my apologies for not responding to you and misunderstanding your suggestion. I’m not sure the impatience is in order, and I did thank everyone for their time as gratefully as I could. But what the hell, I probably deserve it.
A few weeks ago, I was working on my laptop and it was just sloooooooow. I opened up task manager, looked for rogue processes, all of that sort of stuff that would make it slow down. I blamed antivirus, I was seriously annoyed for hours at the poor performance. I rebooted multiple times.
I later looked and discovered that the power barrel (the part that plugs into the laptop) was not fully pushed into the receiving port. This was causing the laptop to run on low power mode (even though I set to max perf) and seriously clock down and shut down cores (I have a new i7 6-core CPU)
Sometimes it’s just one of those days.
As I learned in electrical engineering school, if all else fails, try plugging it in.
ComputerWorld has a blog called Shark Tank where people write in with dumb computer stories, mostly IT guys. They give you a T-shirt if they accept a story. You should send in your story. I got a T-shirt from them, and it’s not bad.
:D:D:D
I love your story, maybe because I’ve encountered something similar so often in my life as a professional IT guy (and of course as the go-to IT guy for my extended family and acquaintances). But you’re at least one of the first people to openly admit your major fuck up. My first rule for solving diffuse problems like “my printer doesn’t print” or “the internet is gone” is to FIRST CHECK THE FUCKING CABLES. AT BOTH ENDS (that’s where it mostly fails). I had countless support cases when my only job was to replug something, sometimes after lengthy phone calls in which I had thought to have covered this, but then I had to drive to the place and plug some ethernet or parallel printer cable back in. And they were all as embarrassed as you, but didn’t admit it.
Post #9 really walked through this issue carefully. I’ve had things like this happen too – I’m not piling on – it’s just a really good reminder to not skip those super simple steps that we sometimes assume are not the issue.
Fab news choie, all you other ‘I told you so’ whingers can go away now. 
heh… at least you didn’t forget you disabled your native graphics card and put in the 3d card in another slot that you had to hook it up too and spend a month trying to figure out why my new monitor didn’t work …
Only for your guildmate in everquest ask if you hooked up your new card yet…
yeah i plugged it in the disabled card…