# Spinoff from "Sex and House Work" thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 15, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631 "2006-02-15T15:05:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/1 "2006-02-15T15:05:46Z")
So, why is “keeping the house clean is such a major issue to so many women?” ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/2 "2006-02-15T15:07:22Z")
Because a dirty house is gross! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/3 "2006-02-15T15:14:20Z")
Cluttered house, cluttered mind. For me, anyway. And the dust…well…it’s a huge bummer. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/4 "2006-02-15T15:27:24Z")
Good question. It’s not for me. A related question: If it _is_ such a big deal that it’s causing problems in your marriage, how come you don’t get a cleaning person to help out? A lot of people seem to be opposed to this. But realistically, a cleaning person is cheaper than marriage counseling. If both partners in a marriage work, unless money is incredibly tight, it seems to me that one of the best uses of ~$100/month would be getting in some cleaning help. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/5 "2006-02-15T15:29:08Z")
I was raised by a woman who would leave things in the refrigerator (best case scenario) or on the stove (worst case) until they attracted the interest of the Smithsonian (best case scenario) or the CDC (worst case). This left me somewhat neurotic on the subject. I’ve improved to the point where I don’t mop the floors every single day. But if there’s a dirty dish in the sink, or a glove on the floor, or I can see dust, I can’t \*really \* relax until it’s taken care of. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/6 "2006-02-15T15:59:44Z")
Because I don’t like living in filth? As I said in the other thread, my home is my environment. It’s where I go to be happy and relaxed, and I do not find filth and clutter relaxing. I am actually a very messy person, so I’ve been working on that for the past couple of years. I find that I am happier when I make the effort, even though I dislike cleaning. I’ve seen several people here say that they do pay a housecleaner in order to avoid the arguments. For myself, I don’t have a problem with how the housework is divided up, and I have some weird moral hangups about paying people to clean up my messes anyway. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/7 "2006-02-15T16:31:56Z")
It didn’t used to be until I moved in with a slob. There is something about being so completely out of control of my environment that drives me nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/8 "2006-02-15T16:38:25Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > Because I don’t like living in filth? Exactly! What I would like to know is, why do people ask the question “why is keeping the house clean is such a major issue to so many women?” Why can’t people (mostly men) understand that many people (mostly women) don’t want to live amongst dirty and clutter? ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/9 "2006-02-15T16:43:16Z")
I’m not a very tidy person, and having a dirty house makes me feel like a failure. It’s stupid and irrational, but it does. ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/10 "2006-02-15T16:46:34Z")
Partially because I like how it looks when everything’s clean and neat - crumbs on the stove are gross. Dirty dishes in the sink drive me crazy. (Thank goodness I can hide them in the dishwasher!) But also partially because I like to know that if someone called and said they were coming over or if I decide to invite someone over last-minute, I can have the place in a company-ready state in under 5 minutes. Not that it happens often, but it’s nice to know that if/when it does, I can feel comfortable in saying “Come on over” and know that the apartment won’t scare them/gross them out. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/11 "2006-02-15T16:47:40Z")
Well, my answer is a little different. I actually don’t mind a whole lot of clutter and even a good amount of flith. I do feel less anxious if it’s clean, but my tolerance for mess is much higher than my husband’s. What I don’t like is _cleaning_. But since he likes a clean house, and we’ve agreed that my job is to clean the house while he’s out working all day, his cleaning the house (or hiring someone to do it as a treat) would show me that he’s thinking of me, he gets that I hate cleaning, and he wants to take some of that (self-imposed) burden off of me. I’m sure he’d be just as happy to wake up and find his students’ papers suddenly graded by the Term Paper Fairy. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/12 "2006-02-15T17:12:37Z")
Interesting question, really. I agree with what others have said…I like the way it looks when it’s clean. I feel comfortable and relaxed when the housework is done…but why? Did I learn this? Growing up I remember our house being quite messy so you’d think that I’d be used to clutter. I was never terribly neat when I was younger but as I age (I’m 45 now) I find that I can’t really live with cluttered/messy very long. So if a dirty house makes me anxious why is that? Anxiety is just fear so what am I afraid of? Is there some kind of primal nesting instinct at work here that makes anxiety about a messy house existential? If the nest isn’t orderly the family won’t survive? Is the change in my housekeeping habits over time due to learned behaviour or something else. Is it possible that as we age we are less able to sort through the visual stimulus (stimuli?) that accompanies with clutter and thus we seek to de-clutter to make it easier on the eyes and the brain? Or is this all just social conditioning? ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/13 "2006-02-15T17:21:19Z")
For the same reason men get so stressed about finances. If there’s a man and a woman in the household, people will judge the woman, at least somewhat, according to how clean the house is. It’s stupid, it’s mean, it’s small-mided and it happens anyway, although probably not nearly as often as many women believe it does. Even if a woman professes to have no use for that kind of thinking, she will feel much more comfortable making that profession from a clean house. Call it vestigal gender role issues. Also, it’s just nice to have a clean freakin’ house. Finding things. Having a clean pan as soon as you want to cook something. Looking around and saying, “this looks nice.” But men feel that way too. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/14 "2006-02-15T17:41:52Z")
> [@taxi78cab](#): > > But also partially because I like to know that if someone called and said they were coming over or if I decide to invite someone over last-minute, I can have the place in a company-ready state in under 5 minutes. Not that it happens often, but it’s nice to know that if/when it does, I can feel comfortable in saying “Come on over” and know that the apartment won’t scare them/gross them out. Even though I’m no one’s definition of a neat-freak, this explanation rings the most true with me. Jakeline and I have talked about how this has become something of a positive cycle for us. Having more friends over means keeping the house cleaner, which means having more friends over, which means…you get the idea. We win both ways. And there really is a peace of mind that goes along with a clean house. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/15 "2006-02-15T17:53:33Z")
It seems there’s some conflation of “dirt”/“filth” with “clutter” going on here. Are you all horrified that the unfolded laundry is sitting around for a few days, or that the spilt milk will be attracting ants soon? Personally, I can’t leave things dirty, stick, dusty or similar. But I have no problems with leaving stacks of stuff “to do” around until I get around to doing it. If visitors come over, I just put them someplace out of the way. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/16 "2006-02-15T17:54:28Z")
Having lived in a clean house and in a messy house, the clean house scenario has proven itself to be more efficient and less stressful than the messy house situation. And I’m a messy person by nature. I really have to focus to keep things clean. And I’ve discovered it’s easier to clean a clean house than clean a messy house. This is a plus for someone who doesn’t particularly like housework to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/17 "2006-02-15T20:23:08Z")
I have a theory or two I’ve pulled out of my butt; you can take 'em for what they’re worth. I’m not sure I believe 'em myself, but here goes. Psychologists probably have a word for how sensitive a person is to his or her environment. Some people are very sensitive to the beauty/ugliness of their surroundings, and it profoundly affects their mood; others are oblivious to their surroundings unless they’re directly affected by them in some way. It may relate to whether you’re externally or internally influenced/motivated. And it may be that, in general, women tend more toward the former and men to the latter, and it goes along with (so goes the theory I’ve heard) women’s tendency to multitask and pay attention to many different things at once, and men’s to focus in on one thing at a time. And I don’t know if this is a separate theory or just another aspect of the same one but, at the risk of vastly overgeneralizing, men are builders and women are decorators. Men care about functionality, women care about style. If a group of men and a group of women were marooned on desert islands, then, after providing for the basic necessities of life for themselves, the men would spend their time building labor-saving devices, while the women would spend time making things look nice and homey (making curtains for the hut windows, planting flowers, etc.). So, when it comes to arranging one’s home, some people (especially men) focus on well their set-up works (or what’s convenient), others (especially women) on how well their set-up looks (or what’s clean and neat). ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/18 "2006-02-15T20:49:35Z")
It’s interesting to me that we even question why we would like to live in nice surroundings. Why do we decorate? Why buy art? Why buy furniture in a certain style, or any style at all? It’s the same idea. A home that is neat and filled with our treasures is a home that can be enjoyed. We can feel pride in ownership of the beautiful things we have accumulated. We can relax amid them because there isn’t work there staring us in the face: things to be picked up. I fail to see why it’s even a question regarding living in an uncleaned home. Who _likes_ dirt? I lived for many years with a person who was very untidy. I hated the build-up of junk: the unopened junk mail mixed in with important bills. The lazyness and disorganization led to chaos, which reflected his state of mind. I didn’t wish to live in a state of chaos and resented that my mind was being forced to mirror the chaos of my surroundings. Some people here seem to be saying they can tune that out. I tried, for a long time, and the accumulation of years of mess was an overwhelming burden I was so very happy to be free of, when it finally ended. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/19 "2006-02-15T22:33:59Z")
> [@taxi78cab](#): > > But also partially because I like to know that if someone called and said they were coming over or if I decide to invite someone over last-minute, I can have the place in a company-ready state in under 5 minutes. Not that it happens often, but it’s nice to know that if/when it does, I can feel comfortable in saying “Come on over” and know that the apartment won’t scare them/gross them out. This is my main reason in keeping a clean apartment. In additon, I feel more like an adult when all my clothes and dishes are put away and the floor is swept. As a kid, I got a lot of leniency as far as how dirty my room was, and I took full advantage! It makes me feel more responsible when everything’s tidy. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631/20 "2006-02-15T22:39:31Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > a cleaning person is cheaper than marriage counseling. Truer words were never spoken. In general, if non-exhorbitant amounts of money can disappear some of the bones of contention in a marriage, and you’ve got the money, then there are few better ways of spending it. But just out of curiosity, since you brought it up: about how much cleaning help can one get for ~$100/month? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spinoff-from-sex-and-house-work-thread/344631.md?page=2)