Um, no. Because I would have known that the consequences for behaving like that would have been much, much worse than having to go to a birthday party where I wouldn’t be the center of attention.
Fang learned learned early on that behaving properly in public is very bad. This afternoon, when all his friends get to play the Wii at after-shool, he is not allowed to, he will remember that shouting 'NO!" to his mother, and stomping his feet is not the correct responce when your mother tell you to pick up you toys.
True that - The best parents are not their children’s friends. They are the PARENTS. My kids like me, and we may play games, but I am not their friend. I am their Da, and if I say "No, " there is no room for negotiation.
I think the problem might be the opposite: The worst kids are the ones who rule the roost. Like what Sampiro’s therapist friend pointed out: These kids are the center of attention and they like it.
That’s not to say that ignored or neglected kids are well behaved, but they at least have my sympathy.
Kids require attention, just not ALL you attention ALL the time. Squeaky, the baby, requires more attention than Spike, who’s two, does. Spike requires more attention at times than Fang, who’s six. It’s a balancing act, and it is exhausting at times, but it’s rewarding in the long term.
Hell my 2.5 year old daughter is learning the lesson that whining isn’t the appropriate way to get what you want. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I regret it but there is also a point where you recognize that a two year old requires baby steps. That being said she has NEVER flipped out at not being the one to get presents at someone’s party. We give her hardly any presents at birthday parties and I kind of wish we didn’t even have this disgusting tradition. I’d rather just see kids come over, and if they are going to bring something make it be something that enhances the experience of the party for everyone like adults do when they bring over refreshments or something else that is cool. Birthdays and this acquisitive nonsense tradition really disturbs me. My daughter has so many toys and I am really genuinely concerned about what happens when she is older and more aware of the process of acquisition. My wife really loved the American Girls dolls as a child and still carries a torch for them. While they are cool in that they are at least educational, they are un-fucking-believably expensive. We put a moratorium on large toys in our home because we live in a (albeit large) Manhattan apartment.
Some kids may be perfect gems just on their own. Some kids will respond well to normal parenting. Some kids may require more discipline, but still learn a lesson. Sometimes kids doesn’t respond to anything from even the most experienced childcare professionals. It is impossible to give the “spoiled brat” label just from this one instance.
If you were a perfectly well mannered little boy/girl all your life then you get a gold star. If my little girl is always well behaved, I’ll be slightly worried that she lacks the desire to test boundries.
If the grandmother’s actions are any insight into how the kid’s primary caregiver(s) would react in a similar situation, no, it’s not. The fact that he was allowed multiple tantrums and repeated bouts of inexcusable behavior before being carted off is, to me, unthinkable. Also, in my own personal experience, I was always on my best behavior when I was out with my grandparents–not my worst–so that limited experience would suggest to me that this kid is that bad all the time, because he’s learned it gets him what he wants.
Yeah, that kid should have had a couple of time-outs in the car before being taken home. And then when he was taken home, if he saw that as a reward, somehow the reward aspect of it should have been removed.
It sounds to me like a combination of the grandparent being overly optimistic about him turning his behavior around and not wanting to appear unappreciative of their workers birthday party. I may have taken my child home earlier, but that’s a judgment call. I suppose all parents are perfect though.
I think it depends on how much the grandmother is seen as a caregiver rather than doting grandparent. If the grandmother is there are a third parent, then there would be little reason to expect him to treat her any better than his actual parents. About that, my own daughter is extremely stubborn. She tests us constantly. Why? I don’t know because she NEVER wins, but she persists nonetheless. On the other hand, she is reportedly a perfect angel at preschool, so maybe we are doing something right.
Yes, but I highly doubt you’d let her throw a tantrum on the way into a party **and **make a mess **and **whine about not getting a gift **and **steal a gift before taking any kind of disciplinary action other than, “Oh honey, don’t do that.”
Oh my hell, both of these statements are really dead on. Parenting via the path of least resistance serves nobody involved, including friends and other family members who have to stand by with gritted teeth and watch the train wreck unfold.
We are friends with a long-time married couple who have a six-year-old with a severe case of only child syndrome. They freely admit that the kid was an “oopise” and I think they resent his presence to a degree. Don’t get me wrong, they certainly love him and I’ve never seen any hint of abuse, but there’s a certain distance and brittleness in the way they interact with him. They’re not particularly loving, if that makes sense. Instead of genuine affection tempered with boundaries, they give him lots of toys and free rein. They’re also completely ineffectual when it comes to discipline and other child-rearing tactics.
Last week we went to a party they were throwing for out of town guests with three very young children of their own. Little Lord Fauntleroy was not pleased about having to share his stuff with the toddler interlopers. Whenever the visiting daughter tried to touch any of his toys he’d push her away and shriek “NO! LEAVE THAT ALONE!” until I gave him the stinkeye and quietly told him to share and be nice to guests. A few minutes later he began carrying his stuffed animals into the living room. His mom told him, “OK, you can bring down one more. OK, two more.” He completely ignored her and began throwing toys by the dozen off the balcony over the living room until you literally couldn’t see large parts of the carpet. Mom shrugged and went outside to join her husband and the other guests. This kind of scene plays out repeatedly every single time I see them. And twice when I asked him a question he snarled “NO!” in a pointedly nasty voice, but I let that go because it was obvious that his feathers were ruffled by being around the other kids. But if he does it again, he’s getting a sit-down talk from me and Mom can just deal with it, if she even notices.
He’s also a very picky eater, which in and of itself isn’t all that bad (many kids his age are picky; I sure as hell was and it drove my parents nuts). The trouble is, he’s an obnoxious picky eater. A few months ago they all came to my husband’s birthday party and his mom tried to treat me like a short-order cook when she realized that the kid didn’t like any of the hors d’oeuvres I had made (we didn’t know he was coming along). I simply refused. In the most recent incident, his parents took him to my wedding last month. When I offered him a tiny beaten biscuit he first demanded to know what it tasted like. I told him it tasted like pie crust (which it did, being made of the same ingredients), so he took the teeniest nibble and proceeded to screech “YUK GROSS GROSS!” then ran to the nearest trash can to loudly spit it out. When I gave his mom a “WTF?” look (she was right there the whole time), she just shrugged and said, “oh, he’s trying to get attention.” Did she then use the moment as a great teaching opportunity about good guest manners? Aw, HELL naw.
There’s way more to this, but I’ve rambled on quite enough. It’s a shame that things are turning out this way. We really like his parents and enjoy their company sans young’n, but when the kid’s around and in full roar, we don’t last long in their company. The boy rules the house and he likes it just fine. Dethroning him is going to call for a level of effort that his parents just can’t be arsed to show.
Thought I’d share this old school technique of my Grandmother’s to let kids know when they’ve crossed the line. If you were acting up and being a jerk, she would grab the top of your ear and hold it: you really couldn’t go anywhere with that grip, and say, calmly, “You need to listen to me right now, stop acting up, it’s not acceptable.” I’ve never seen that technique described anywhere, but, it really worked, gentle but effective.
If Shot From Guns gets a gold star I want a gold star too! I wanna gold star I wanna gold star I wanna! I wanna gold star I wanna goldstar I wannagoldstar IwannagoldstarIwannagoldstarIWANNAGOLDSTAR!!!
In real life, I was another of those kids who would prefer to just sit quietly and read a book. Partly, my parents just wouldn’t take any of that shit–they weren’t ultra-strict disciplinarians or anything like that; they didn’t even believe in spanking–but I just never learned that throwing hissy-fits would get me anything I wanted. And partly I [del]was[/del] am just an introverted [del]little[/del] bookworm.
Oh boy.
OP is describing my four year old. I have only taken her to a couple birthday parties and this happened. She wanted to blow out the candles. She wanted to open the presents. She wanted to be the center of the attention.
I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know where to draw the line. She is developmentally delayed but it’s not obvious right away so some people don’t understand. She gets overstimulated so easy I hate even taking her to the grocery store. It’s not that she’s spoiled. I don’t do treats that often, and it’s never in the store like that. I don’t buy her too much or let her watch too much tv. Her daddy thinks I’m a little harsh on her and I think he’s too easy but he’s rarely home when she’s awake so it makes sense.
She’s in CDC (mainstreamed PK for now) and gets an additional three hours of therapy a week, but she’s like a wild animal sometimes. She screams and tosses herself about. She hits the teachers and other students. She bites herself sometimes. But she scores well above average intelligence-wise. She can write and read and do simple math as long as it’s interesting, like if we make it into a game. Getting her to sit still is hell. She has a weighted vest for when it gets to be too much for her.
I’m not saying this to excuse the OP’s party hellion, but sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between spoiled rotten and something more serious. Even for me sometimes and I’ve lived with it a while now.