# Spontaneous Ass Stink (SAS) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 11, 2004, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spontaneous-ass-stink-sas/259421 "2004-08-11T21:00:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fox\_Paws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/85e7bf/32.png) [@Fox\_Paws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fox_Paws)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2004, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spontaneous-ass-stink-sas/259421/1 "2004-08-11T21:00:39Z")
So there I was, sitting at my desk typing quietly, just as I had been doing all afternoon. Suddenly it hit me – ass. It smelled like ass. It _really_ smelled like ass. It was as though a cow-orker had stood upon my desk, faced away from me, dropped his drawers, and placed his ass-crack right in front of my nose. What. The. Hell. I looked around: I was the only one in my office. I looked on the floor: no dead rodents or anything obviously odoriferous. ::sniff sniff:: Pits are ok. ::sniff sniff:: Nothing on my hands. I got up and walked to the hallway: no obvious stink source out there, and my cow-orkers seemed unaware of the situation. I sat back down. The ass smell was all around me. Reluctantly I stuck my right hand under my ass and left it there for ten seconds. I put my hand in front of my nose. ::sniff sniff:: Nothing. The smell wasn’t coming from me, from a dead animal, from a cow-orker… You’ve heard of spontaneous combustion? Well, I was obviously the victim of spontaneous ass stink (SAS). And it was getting worse. I tried to keep typing, but I couldn’t ignore the smell. Besides, what if somebody were to walk in and assume that _I_ was the source of the odor? Nobody would believe that SAS was the real culprit. I had to crack the case. As I spun around in my chair, frantically trying to get to the bottom of this myster, I noticed that the smell increased. Yet the smell _didn’t_ increase if I just turned my head quickly. The only difference? When I spun in my chair, I raised my feet off the ground. Could it be? I carefully peeked at the bottom of my left shoe… Massive. Dog shit. Patty. Presumably my puppy’s. There was poo in every nook and cranny. A bizarre development indeed, considering I hadn’t been outside for 8 hours. Either the poo’s ass stink had a delayed-release timer, or… No, that couldn’t be, could it? Could I possibly have gone around all day smelling like puppy ass without noticing it? My nose was a little stuffed up today, and now that I think about it I had blown my nose right before the ass wave hit me. That means the people on the bus, my cow-orkers, they all thought… Clearly I am doomed to bear this [nickname](http://www.bar-a.com/Photo_Galleries/Theme_Parties/Seinfeld/images/assman.jpg) for the duration of my employment. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spontaneous-ass-stink-sas/259421/2 "2004-08-12T00:36:15Z")
Have fun cleaning your shoes off, assman. ---
**Author:** ![NothingMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b77776/32.png) [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spontaneous-ass-stink-sas/259421/3 "2004-08-12T00:51:13Z")
By the way, what the hell is a “cow-orker”? Are the others employed with you extremely obese? Do you rustle cattle for a living? Is Mork (from Ork) hangin’ with Betsy the cow at your job? (I clearly proved my sig with this post.) ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spontaneous-ass-stink-sas/259421/4 "2004-08-12T01:14:42Z")
Omg! I’ve done that before. Except I notice it before 8 hours have elapsed. ---
**Author:** ![Cockatiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cockatiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cockatiel)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spontaneous-ass-stink-sas/259421/5 "2004-08-12T01:30:20Z")
I don’t have a reply to your story, but it _did_ get a good laugh out of me. hehe. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NothingMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b77776/32.png) [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spontaneous-ass-stink-sas/259421/6 "2004-08-12T02:38:01Z")
OH, Ok. Its a reference to another thread. _swoosh_