# Spooning / Cuddling and the pain **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 3, 2015, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770 "2015-02-03T22:57:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/1 "2015-02-03T22:57:47Z")
Okay, it’s truly a first-world problem that I’m somewhat lucky to have, but certainly others have shared my plight. My lady loves being spooned at night as we sleep. And I’m cool w/ it as I sleep deeply w/ her in my arms. However, we just traded our pillow-top mattress for something without the extra plushness. That’s fine in-itself, but now my damn arm falls asleep as it’s nestled under her pillow during a spoon-sleep. It’s starting to be troublesome, so I’m not spooning as much. And Mrs. Piker is feeling the lack-of-love and providing feedback to that extent. How have you guys solved this problem? Any commercial products out there? I’m going to use a modified pool noodle as my first plan of attack, but wanted to see what’s on your mind. I welcome any humorous comments/wise-cracks too, but hope there is someone out there who feels my pain. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/2 "2015-02-03T23:33:20Z")
Buy a pillowtop topper for the bed? ---
**Author:** ![Abner\_Ravenwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@Abner\_Ravenwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abner_Ravenwood)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/3 "2015-02-03T23:41:28Z")
Watch “The Brodie Arm-Thing (Mallrats)” on YouTube The Brodie Arm-Thing (Mallrats): [The Brodie Arm-Thing (Mallrats) - YouTube](http://youtu.be/LIoW0TNhKr0) ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/4 "2015-02-04T00:16:15Z")
Life is change. So you move sometimes… so will she. If she’s willing to have you stay all night, its usually a good sign that she’s willing to accept you for your flaws. > [@somepumpkin](#): > > My lady That said, “My Lady”? Really…? Please, never say that anywhere near her unless you are both in costume & heading to a party. Its for your own good. Please? ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/5 "2015-02-04T00:44:59Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > That said, “My Lady”? Really…? Please, never say that anywhere near her unless you are both in costume & heading to a party. Its for your own good. Please? Well, when you say it like _that_…! I didn’t pick up on it during the proofread, now I can’t unhear it. Thanks Count! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/6 "2015-02-04T00:49:21Z")
Why did you change mattresses? Can you change back? Or get a pillow topper as kanicbird suggested? Or my favorite a memory foam topper. 3" is best. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/7 "2015-02-04T02:05:26Z")
Can she spoon you instead? I think that’s what we did many moons ago when we still cuddled. ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/8 "2015-02-04T02:17:28Z")
well, we got rid of the other mattress because of time. You know it’s full of 25 pounds of mites and skin cells, right? I kiid, i kiid. It was worn-out and ultra soft and shapey. We wanted something flat again and went all the way with the non-topper. We also felt that the pillow top was suffocating us a little bit in the sense of making us hotter at night. It was like the top was working as an insulator as we “sank” into it. I like the new mattress alright, really. I’m starting to _warm_ to the after-market pillow-top idea, though. Or at least a segment for the head. > [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > Can she spoon you instead? I think that’s what we did many moons ago when we still cuddled. Actually… I ain’t into that. It just makes me physically (not emotionally) uncomfortable. > [@Abner\_Ravenwood](#): > > Watch “The Brodie Arm-Thing (Mallrats)” on YouTube > The Brodie Arm-Thing (Mallrats): [http://youtu.be/LIoW0TNhKr0](http://youtu.be/LIoW0TNhKr0) “That’s like a metaphor for our whole relationship” Ha, thanks for sharing that. I’ll send it to the old lady (that any better **Count**?:p). ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/9 "2015-02-04T02:19:25Z")
> [@somepumpkin](#): > > Well, when you say it like _that_…! > > I didn’t pick up on it during the proofread, now I can’t unhear it. Thanks Count! 😃 One of a bunch of talents I can’t earn a living at: sometimes you just can’t un-hear the fun parts…! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/10 "2015-02-04T02:39:38Z")
If your wife isn’t fine with 10 minutes of spooning and then you two retreating to a more comfortable position, she sounds like she may be a little insecure. Which is something you two may want to address. I’m curious as to what the ratio is of couples that spoon all night, to those that do it for just a little while then separate? I know with me, it’s always been 10 or so minutes and separate. And that’s always seemed to be the mutual preference between me and my past partners. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/11 "2015-02-04T03:00:57Z")
[Contact Randall Munroe.](http://xkcd.com/335/) ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/12 "2015-02-04T03:22:20Z")
Perfect… absolutely perfect. Now where do I find one? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/13 "2015-02-04T07:17:56Z")
You should tell her what the issue is. I love to spoon, but I don’t expect him to have his arm die and fall off either. So a spoon is nice, but it is time limited. I want him to get rest too. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/14 "2015-02-04T13:11:50Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I’m curious as to what the ratio is of couples that spoon all night, to those that do it for just a little while then separate? Yep, there’s spoon-time, then I kiss on the arm that’s under me which signals him to pull it back, and then it’s get comfy to sleep time. Either he’s done too, or if he wants more cuddle he’s welcome to whatever he can reach once I’m in my comfy sleeping position, but there’s definitely a time limit on how long I can spoon. ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/15 "2015-02-04T17:38:26Z")
Oh, I’ll sleep like that 4-5 hours a night. It’s comfortable for us both. I’m not snugged butt-up to her the entire time, but I sleep on my side anyway and this just works for us. Especially the “arm under the pillows” part. So for a guy that wants to spoon all night, what home-remedies do you propose to keep my arm from falling asleep? I’ve liked **kanic** ’s -and others’- pillow-top idea (though I may just try a section). Oh, and Randall Monroe was reading my mind. But I’m still curious if you guys have thoughts on how to make our nights spoon-ier. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/16 "2015-02-04T18:39:18Z")
If spooning hurts, forking is liable to kill you… ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/17 "2015-02-04T19:12:28Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > If your wife isn’t fine with 10 minutes of spooning and then you two retreating to a more comfortable position, she sounds like she may be a little insecure. Which is something you two may want to address. > > . Yeah, you guys have issues! Get away from this woman while you still have an arm to go numb. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/18 "2015-02-04T19:25:41Z")
> [@somepumpkin](#): > > But I’m still curious if you guys have thoughts on how to make our nights spoon-ier. Have him ply you with fine wine beforehand? You’ll sleep fine and he can slip his arm out before he ends up like [Inspector Kemp](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn69PxYOqZU)? …you really didn’t want to spend the rest of your life looking for “The One Armed Man” did you? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/19 "2015-02-04T19:36:14Z")
> [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](#): > > Yeah, you guys have issues! Get away from this woman while you still have an arm to go numb. 😃 Well, ya’ know, hey… If your arm goes numb, you can always just gnaw it off and roll over to a more comfortable position. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770/20 "2015-02-04T20:01:17Z")
The pillow, on top of the numbing arm, what is it like? Maybe try a foam pillow. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/spooning-cuddling-and-the-pain/711770.md?page=2)