# Squirrel whores! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 11, 2006, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338 "2006-06-11T21:17:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/21 "2006-06-12T09:31:21Z")
I used to have a squirrel problem. Some idiot in our apartment building was feeding them and they’d gotten so bold and brazen that they would come in through open windows and raid the kitchen, leaving behind little black dropping upon dropping and causing a general sort of yegh-feeling. At some point, they got so ruthless they’d start doing the tail-snapping-and-chattering thing if you didn’t have food for them. I entertained thoughts of killing one and hanging it out on the balcony as a warning to others, but in the end I managed to end my infestation by throwing things at them every time they came inside. (Yes, mighty squirrel-fighter am I.) Our building was renovated recently, and the old balconies were torn down and rebuilt. This meant that the whole house was under wraps for about 8 months, and the squirrels had to find another place to hang out and perpetuate their squirrely antics. I rejoiced. Well, now they’re back. This time, though, it’s not food they’re after. My god, they’re horny little bastards. I have so far been unwilling witness to four acts of squirrel reproduction right on my friggin’ balcony. My balcony is not an hourly-rate motel! Go make more of your kind somewhere else! I’m just afraid that at some point, we’ll have baby squirrels running around everywhere and some idiot will once again think it’s a good idea to feed them. I’m stacking up on things to throw already. ---
**Author:** ![H3Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@H3Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H3Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/22 "2006-06-12T10:22:26Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > No deep, dark secret… All men are afraid of squirrels. My 6’2" firefighter husband is terrified of them. > Bring up the subject of squirrels in a group of men sometime, and watch the eyes dart… > Hubby’s fear stems from a time he invited one into the house. He had to learn how to repair drywall after that one. The squirrel ran around the room horizontally . on the middle of the wall,screaming like a mountain lion, ripping chunks of wall out, not to mention, the experience scared the crap out of it, literally. At least, that the story I’ve been told. Umm, okay. That’s kinda weird. We feed squirrels, have been for a few years now. I’ve been annoyed that they won’t figure out we’re the ones feeding them and stop running away when we walk by the feeders. Not exactly the great fear of which you speak. PS. Now bugs with more than 8 legs, on the other hand, _shudders_ I have a strict kill-on-sight policy about centipedes, silverfish, and what-all ---
**Author:** ![H3Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@H3Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H3Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/23 "2006-06-12T10:28:18Z")
> [@auRa](#): > > I used to have a squirrel problem. Some idiot in our apartment building was feeding them and they’d gotten so bold and brazen that they would come in through open windows and raid the kitchen, leaving behind little black dropping upon dropping and causing a general sort of yegh-feeling. \ > > I’m just afraid that at some point, we’ll have baby squirrels running around everywhere and some idiot will once again think it’s a good idea to feed them. I’m stacking up on things to throw already. Well, that has to win some sort of award for sequential posting. 😃 We feed them, but my family lives in the suburbs, and that means they just hang out in our yard a lot. Plus our 3 cats do a pretty good job of intimidating them out of coming too close to the house. PS. The best is our tomcat, who isn’t the brightest, still tries to chase them now and then. The other two have figured out they’re just faster than cats, but he’ll follow them right up to the tree. The squirrels will run just high enough he can’t jump and get them, then turn around and chitter-and-tail-flick at him as though they’re scolding him. Or making fun of him. It’s good entertainment! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mrald](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mrald](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrald)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/24 "2006-06-12T10:58:31Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Color me confused. I can see voyeurism here. Can also see exhibitionism. But as there appeared to be no exchange of commodity for contact, I’m not seeing the whoring. Put unother way, was a nut given prior to a nut being gotten? No, that would be Squirrel prostitution. Whoring is free to all. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/25 "2006-06-12T11:32:19Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Fess up **Mika** , you’re just jealous about their getting to have sex while hangin’ on a tree. 😃 > > I have been witness to some hot lizard lovin’ on my back porch. Then there’s the twice a year love bug mating season where the little nuisances fly around all over the place attached to each other. My parents used to have Spiritual Exercises once a year, around my birthday (mid-March). We’d have to go too, only instead of “exercising” we got to run around in the yard, much more fun. Usually, one of the days we were there, but only one, every _africano_\* in the yard would be end-to-end attached to another one! It was always kind of dissapointing on those years where it didn’t happen. - our name for those particular bugs, we called them that because they reminded us of Masai shields as seen in movies. Oval, pointy, and with black-on-red spots like ladybugs only the spots were pointy too. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Clam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@Happy\_Clam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Clam)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/26 "2006-06-12T12:01:12Z")
As I was reading this post, two batshit-insane squirrels ran out of a nearby tree, causing massive ruffling of leaves. One chased the other along the top of the trellis for a while, then turned back, sat on top of the trellis, and _looked at me._ They’re watching me. I can see it in their little squirrely eyes. Maybe one of them was a squirrel-peace-activist, who wants to live in harmony with the humans, while the other wants to enslave us and force us to toil in their underground nut mines. Also, my grandmother was once bitten by a squirrel. My mother told her “Go on, give it a piece of nut”. She bends over, offers it… the squirrel looks at the nut for a second, then sinks is teeth into my grandmothers finger. I for one welcome our new squirrel overlords. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/27 "2006-06-12T12:31:04Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > At least, that the story I’ve been told. I hate to break it to you, but “squirrel damage” is a frequent excuse that males used to explain the damage from a wild party. It also serves as a sort of coded signal. for support. “Squirrel damage? Oh er, yeah, Bill we had that happen little bastard got in the house and left panti…er, squirrel shit all oer the place. Tore up the drywall real bad, too!” ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/28 "2006-06-12T12:32:58Z")
**’Mika**. no mention of how your chronically uptight relatives were traumatized by this event? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/29 "2006-06-12T13:34:54Z")
> [@Random](#): > > You have no idea what the phrase “coming out” means, in the context of a thread where there has been a reference to a movie that’s best known for its portrayal of a homosexual relationship? Oh! Wow, I really was whooshed, I didn’t even connect my use of that phrase to anything. Sorry, I can be a bit naive and blind sometimes if I don’t watch carefully! **VunderBob** , if I lived with my family, I’d be the one that was traumatized! **H3Knuckles** , I feel the same way about bugs with more than 8 legs. Centipedes ick me right out. ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/30 "2006-06-12T14:47:41Z")
Well, **LOUNE** , it seems you aren’t alone in being traumatized by squirrels. Fortunately, [this](http://www.vtwinmama.com/demonic_squirrel_riding_story.htm) didn’t happen to me. I still like the little buggers just fine. But there is at least one other person in this world who shares your pain. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/31 "2006-06-12T15:17:32Z")
> [@gabriela](#): > > I think we should take up a collection to buy **LOUNE** a slingshot. > > Loaded with peanuts. I’ve two beagles that just LOVE to chase them some squirrel. Loaded with cuddly goodness and cuteness. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/32 "2006-06-12T15:17:02Z")
> [@gabriela](#): > > I think we should take up a collection to buy **LOUNE** a slingshot. > > Loaded with peanuts. I’ve two beagles that just LOVE to chase them some squirrel. Loaded with cuddly goodness and cuteness. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/33 "2006-06-12T15:34:19Z")
> [@mrklutz](#): > > Well, **LOUNE** , it seems you aren’t alone in being traumatized by squirrels. Fortunately, [this](http://www.vtwinmama.com/demonic_squirrel_riding_story.htm) didn’t happen to me. I still like the little buggers just fine. But there is at least one other person in this world who shares your pain. There is only one thing I truly “hate”. That one thing, as a whole, is “squirrels”. Fuck squirrels. I hates em. I’d put them in a catapult and shoot them into the next county if I could. Like I said, though, I’ve two beagles that love to chase squirrels. In a 2 block radius from my house, there are few squirrels around. This is a good thing. My feral attack kitty also destroys ANYTHING furry and about its size or smaller. He might have something to do with the non-squirrel, placid nature of my neighborhood. Fuck squirrels. No, I don’t feel strongly on this issue. Why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/34 "2006-06-12T15:43:53Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > That one thing, as a whole, is “squirrels”. Why? They always speak very highly of you. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/35 "2006-06-12T18:56:45Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Why? They always speak very highly of you. …as they sharpen their butchers’ knives and talk about what find choice of meat they can rend from my carcass? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/36 "2006-06-12T19:05:13Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > …as they sharpen their butchers’ knives and talk about what find choice of meat they can rend from my carcass? Oh, come on now. I’ve been seeing nut hulls in the pump house. They probably went there in the Winter to stay warm. Not a knife in sight, although I did see a small surgical saw that they undoubtably use on the larger nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/37 "2006-06-12T19:14:55Z")
> [@mrklutz](#): > > Well, **LOUNE** , it seems you aren’t alone in being traumatized by squirrels. Fortunately, [this](http://www.vtwinmama.com/demonic_squirrel_riding_story.htm) didn’t happen to me. I still like the little buggers just fine. But there is at least one other person in this world who shares your pain. Oh dear gods, I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. My stomach hurts. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/38 "2006-06-12T19:57:06Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > Oh dear gods, I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. > > My stomach hurts. Thanks! I wish I could claim credit. I think I actually picked that up in a Dope thread a while back, although I couldn’t for the life of me tell you which one. But I discovered it’s the first link you find if you google “squirrel motorcycle police”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2006, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338/39 "2006-06-12T22:33:14Z")
Squirrels. Yum. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/squirrel-whores/360338.md?page=1)