# Staged a walk out of a Funeral **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 5, 2015, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925 "2015-04-05T22:58:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/21 "2015-04-06T15:29:03Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Few things aren’t appropriate to preach in a UU church - hate being a big one. Unless you were preaching hate, you weren’t turning tables at all. Considering **Urbanredneck** ’s thoughts about gays from other threads, I wouldn’t be surprised… ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/22 "2015-04-06T16:59:09Z")
> [@Lanzy](#): > > Thanks for the kind words, and yes it was spontaneous, sorry for the title. > > There was a moment when I was standing in the aisle that I wanted to start “preaching” back, but I am sure I would have felt bad later. Maybe getting wiser in my old age after all. Good job, both in the walkout and in not preaching back during the service. If it had been me and I’d encountered him afterwards in the parking lot, though, there would have been words. > [@](#): > > The preacher came out and was being consoled by one of the other preachers, that he did nothing wrong. He was just stating the truth. That’s right, bub, the Lord wants you to be an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/23 "2015-04-06T17:43:13Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I wonder what you think UUs believe? Cause we believe a lot of things and I’ve heard Jesus preached for UU Christian funerals and gone to Sedars. Few things aren’t appropriate to preach in a UU church - hate being a big one. Unless you were preaching hate, you weren’t turning tables at all. Its perfectly OK to believe in heaven as a UU. That minister didn’t (mine is agnostic, but I know Christian UU ministers). I wasn’t sure if “Unitarian” meant UU or not - I don’t often see that just called “Unitarian” (though I only see reference to it online, I’ll admit). But I’ll take the poster at his/her word that the words of the preacher were not at all the beliefs of the relative in question and they did “turn the tables” by saying things more in line with her beliefs than what that particular preacher said. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_of\_Words](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f6c823/32.png) [@Jack\_of\_Words](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_of_Words)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/24 "2015-04-06T18:27:31Z")
> [@Uniqueorn](#): > > When I read the thread title, I thought “How dare you? Nothing could excuse such an action!”, but you did the right thing. Bravo! Yeah, it’s why I looked at the thread. It turns out there is a good reason for walking out of a funeral. Well done. Minor nitpick: not sure you ‘staged’ it (that was the word in the title that most interested me, it sounded preplanned), but I’d bet the other 18 needed someone to set them in motion. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/25 "2015-04-06T20:05:50Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > My wifes grandmother was an old time Unitarian from way back and when she died we had a Unitarian minister do the funeral. Now we knew nothing about Unitarianism so when we asked him a few of his beliefs on things life heaven, hell, and the after life and our mouths dropped never fully realizing how far out he and modern day Unitarianism could be. For the record she probably had not gone to a Unitarian church in maybe 20 years anyways and never in our talks were even close to what this guy believed. Nevertheless we let him do the service but a few of us got up to say a few words which, judging by his behavior, he had disagreements with. > > So sometime the tables can be turned. Seriously, Urbanredneck, you need to be careful. Unitarians are not to be trifled with. Piss one off, and you’re likely to wake up in the middle of the night with a burning question mark in your yard. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/26 "2015-04-06T21:11:56Z")
I’m Christian, and I’d do the same thing. Besides, my pastor would never do anything like that in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/27 "2015-04-06T21:16:42Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I’m Christian, and I’d do the same thing. > > Besides, my pastor would never do anything like that in the first place. To be fair, in over 50 years of attending little southern Baptist services, this was a first for me. My careful attendance stopped over 20 years ago, but I still go to funerals, way too often. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/28 "2015-04-06T21:22:04Z")
Good for you and your relatives who walked out. I’m still irritated about the recent funeral where the pastor tried to force people to come up and get saved, but you’ve given me some perspective. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/29 "2015-04-06T22:21:08Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Yeah, if BIL was close to A-hole preacher man, I kind of wonder if this wasn’t planned. It’s like a one last “Fuck You” to a family he (the BIL) disapproves of. A “Fuck You” I might add, presented, in a most epic way. > > If it weren’t so damn hateful, it would almost be poetic the way you BIL left this world. I tend to think the same thing. If BIL asked this guy to speak at this funeral chances are he either knew what he was going to say or openly suggested the topic. ---
**Author:** ![Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/77aa72/32.png) [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy_PickleSniffer)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/30 "2015-04-06T23:36:05Z")
A funeral is a time to comfort the grieving, not tear them apart. Good for you Lanzy! ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/31 "2015-04-07T00:02:31Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Now we knew nothing about Unitarianism so when we asked him a few of his beliefs on things life heaven, hell, and the after life and our mouths dropped never fully realizing how far out he and modern day Unitarianism could be. > > {snip} > > …but a few of us got up to say a few words which, judging by his behavior, he had disagreements with. What beliefs did he have that were “far out”? And what things did y’all say that he appeared to disagree with? ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/32 "2015-04-07T00:36:55Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Seriously, Urbanredneck, you need to be careful. Unitarians are not to be trifled with. Piss one off, and you’re likely to wake up in the middle of the night with a burning question mark in your yard. I thought that use of _burning_ question marks had been rejected as too potentially alarming by a 12-4 vote of the outreach subcommittee of the [Unitarian Jihad](http://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/carroll/article/JON-CARROLL-3324002.php). ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/33 "2015-04-07T05:22:30Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Seriously, Urbanredneck, you need to be careful. Unitarians are not to be trifled with. Piss one off, and you’re likely to wake up in the middle of the night with a burning question mark in your yard. Hmm… well I guess I’ll know who it came from. But seriously I don’t want to get into a Unitarian discussion. Gaia knows how ruthless you all can be once you form a committee. My point was the mans beliefs really caught everyone by surprise. Unitarians are rare (Kansas City has exactly 3 UU churches) so none of us knew any plus we get them confused with the Church of Unity. Edith didn’t give many instructions for her funeral but the only faith she ever seemed to be a part of was Unitarian so that’s why we picked a Unitarian church out of the phone book and called them. He actually did a decent job considering he didn’t know Edith. Getting back to the OP’s point, I would like to ask the OP, if you had known the preachers beliefs, would you still have honored the deceased’s wishes to have him do the funeral? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/34 "2015-04-07T05:31:09Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Hmm… well I guess I’ll know who it came from. > > But seriously I don’t want to get into a Unitarian discussion. Then why did you bring it up? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/35 "2015-04-07T09:17:22Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Then why did you bring it up? :dubious: I didnt. Others asked me. My point was basically that often the family and the person doing the service often have differing views. Especially when you go into the funeral where like the OP, you know virtually nothing about the minister and the minister knows nothing about you. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/36 "2015-04-07T09:20:09Z")
Question to the OP. If you had known the ministers feelings ahead of time, would you still have hired him knowing the deceased requested this person? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/37 "2015-04-07T12:19:21Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Seriously, Urbanredneck, you need to be careful. Unitarians are not to be trifled with. Piss one off, and you’re likely to wake up in the middle of the night with a burning question mark in your yard. Or they’ll send around the Unitarian Witnesses, who knock on your door and then don’t know what to tell you. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/38 "2015-04-07T14:22:47Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I didnt. Others asked me. My point was basically that often the family and the person doing the service often have differing views. Especially when you go into the funeral where like the OP, you know virtually nothing about the minister and the minister knows nothing about you. Uh, yes, you DID bring it up. You were the one who wrote a post about it, specifying the religion, specifying that they have some “far out” beliefs and specifying that attendants made statements he clearly disagreed with. You snarked how “ruthless” “[we]” are when we “form a committee”. That comment clearly indicates that you knew many posters would likely react to your post, and you chose to post it anyway. You can’t bat your eyelashes all wide-eyed and innocently when people react in the exact way you expected. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/39 "2015-04-07T14:26:07Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Or they’ll send around the Unitarian Witnesses, who knock on your door and then don’t know what to tell you. Or the Dyslexic and Insomniac Agnostic Witnesses, who knock on your door at 2 AM and ask you if you think there is a Dog. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925/40 "2015-04-07T16:21:48Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Hmm… well I guess I’ll know who it came from. > > But seriously I don’t want to get into a Unitarian discussion. Gaia knows how ruthless you all can be once you form a committee. My point was the mans beliefs really caught everyone by surprise. Unitarians are rare (Kansas City has exactly 3 UU churches) so none of us knew any plus we get them confused with the Church of Unity. Edith didn’t give many instructions for her funeral but the only faith she ever seemed to be a part of was Unitarian so that’s why we picked a Unitarian church out of the phone book and called them. He actually did a decent job considering he didn’t know Edith. > > Getting back to the OP’s point, I would like to ask the OP, if you had known the preachers beliefs, would you still have honored the deceased’s wishes to have him do the funeral? I personally did not honor my BILs wishes, His wife did. I merely attended the funeral for her benefit. I knew it would be a loud sermon without ever having been to his services. I knew I would be uncomfortable, that’s the price I was willing to pay to comfort my baby sister. I did not expect the vile hatred and accusations that occurred. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/staged-a-walk-out-of-a-funeral/716925.md?page=3)