# Stalin Mao or Hitler, Who would you marry? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 5, 2013, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150 "2013-01-05T11:17:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/1 "2013-01-05T11:17:21Z")
I have very little creativity, so I’ll just blend two of my latest [successful](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=677602)[threads](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=677710). Which evil tyrant would you marry if you were a young woman? Assume you have to spend at least ten years with them. [Hitler](http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Bishounen_b62b01_1015959.jpg) [Stalin](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1q17vfqtE1rrv516o1_400.jpg)[Mao](http://www.mouseketeerlonnieburr.com/New_Folder/Copy_of_Mickey_Maos_Club.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/2 "2013-01-05T11:27:54Z")
[Stalin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Stalin_1902.jpg) was remarkably handsome as a young man. If your going to marry evil, you mind as well marry good-looking evil. ---
**Author:** ![Mnemnosyne](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mnemnosyne/32/3347_2.png) [@Mnemnosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnemnosyne)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/3 "2013-01-05T11:49:10Z")
Honestly, I think Stalin is more handsome in his photos when he’s older, shown with his traditional mustache, than in that picture, although he’d look good in that picture if he had a shave and did something with his hair. Either way, I agree about Stalin…that is, if I were attracted to men, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![spifflog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@spifflog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spifflog)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/4 "2013-01-05T14:34:30Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > I have very little creativity QFT ---
**Author:** ![spifflog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@spifflog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spifflog)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/5 "2013-01-05T14:36:23Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > I have very little creativity QFT This is wayyyyy out there. Both threads. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/6 "2013-01-05T15:28:10Z")
Eva Braun did pretty damned well for herself with Adi, even if their “marriage” was a civil one until the very end, and they were together for more than ten years, albeit with her in the background (which would suit me just fine). I don’t think the same can be said for either Stalin or Mao’s spouses, so Adolf it is! ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/7 "2013-01-05T15:38:12Z")
Stalin. Was same-sex marriage legal in Communist Russia? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/8 "2013-01-05T15:43:04Z")
To his credit, Mao didn’t kill any of his wives himself. I wouldn’t turn my back on his last one, [though he did.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mao_Zedong#Death) :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/9 "2013-01-05T15:44:07Z")
Comparative personal hygiene: Stalin: smoker’s breath, wore leather boots year-round with the resulting foot funk Mao: never brushed his teeth; just rinsed and spat with tea Hitler: lived on eggs and veg; notoriously flatulent Verdict: Hitler, but get your own bedroom Companionship: Stalin: drove his second wife to suicide. Stayed up all night reviewing death lists. Hitler: kept his mistresses sequestered like pet hamsters. Also, another night owl Mao: after senior dementia set in, was willing to be manipulated by a woman of equal ruthlessness. Liked to dance. Verdict: Mao, but not for the meek Good Provider? Stalin: had very simple tastes, and his idea of gift-giving was to line your name off the aforementioned death list Hitler: Grandiose tastes, plenty of social gatherings. But prone to wars of adventure which puts a crimp in things, especially when the war is eventually lost Mao: not a good match for the fashion-conscious. Drab blue denim all the way. He’ll build a series of dams on Hunan province, but never get around to that kitchen remodeling he’s been promising Verdict: Stalin, but don’t hope for more than a nice little dacha. ---
**Author:** ![Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Throatwarbler_Mangrove)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/10 "2013-01-05T15:45:58Z")
That photo of Stalin is heavily doctored. He was severely scarred by smallpox early in his life, and IIRC was also quite short and walked with a limp because his legs weren’t the same length. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/11 "2013-01-05T15:47:53Z")
Moved Cafe Society --\> IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/12 "2013-01-05T16:27:07Z")
> [@Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](#): > > That photo of Stalin is heavily doctored. He was severely scarred by smallpox early in his life, and IIRC was also quite short and walked with a limp because his legs weren’t the same length. I hope this is a joke and you actually clicked on the photo of Stalin. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/13 "2013-01-05T16:41:26Z")
Cue Hitler Youtube rant where he bitches about Stalin out-polling him on this topic… ---
**Author:** ![what\_do\_I\_type\_here](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a5b964/32.png) [@what\_do\_I\_type\_here](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/what_do_I_type_here)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/14 "2013-01-05T18:02:04Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > [Stalin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Stalin_1902.jpg) was remarkably handsome as a young man. If your going to marry evil, you mind as well marry good-looking evil. Careful, he might refer you to the Chief Administration of Corrective Labor Camps and Colonies for that grammar of yours. ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/15 "2013-01-05T18:10:20Z")
What an awful thing to consider. But I’d have to go for Hitler. He shares my appreciation for the theatrical, if nothing else. And I do love Hugo Boss and military inspired fashion. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/16 "2013-01-05T19:00:52Z")
Stalin abandoned his son to a concentration camp and drove his wife to suicide. I think he also liked to call his mother ‘that stupid bitch’, or something along those lines. It has been years since I read about him but he was an all around sociopath. The teenage Hitler presented in [the young Hitler I knew](http://www.amazon.com/The-Young-Hitler-I-Knew/dp/0837186641) seems like a pissy goth kid. I wouldn’t enjoy that but I’d find that more tolerable than someone like Stalin. But I have no idea what Hitler was like in person in his older life. I’m assuming worse. I don’t know enough about Mao’s personal life. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/17 "2013-01-05T21:32:47Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > I hope this is a joke and you actually clicked on the photo of Stalin. He’s absolutely right. All of the photos of Stalin in _Pravda_, etc., were heavily airbrushed. If you look at the photos of him together with Churchill and Roosevelt at Yalta, you can see him nursing his withered left arm. (It’s like Wilhelm II’s withered arm, or Goebbels’s club foot, or Gary Burghoff’s deformed hand. Once it’s been pointed out to you, you can’t help but notice it.) ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/18 "2013-01-05T21:46:34Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > He’s absolutely right. All of the photos of Stalin in _Pravda_, etc., were heavily airbrushed. If you look at the photos of him together with Churchill and Roosevelt at Yalta, you can see him nursing his withered left arm. (It’s like Wilhelm II’s withered arm, or Goebbels’s club foot, or Gary Burghoff’s deformed hand. Once it’s been pointed out to you, you can’t help but notice it.) The picture in question doesn’t show Stalin’s arm, and **Mangrove’s** post doesn’t mention Stalin’s arm. So I’m not sure in what sense he’s “right”. Stalin did have a handicapped left arm, but it isn’t really that noticeable, especially given that he was almost always pictured in a military trenchcoat. I don’t think airbrushing would’ve been necessary to hide it. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/19 "2013-01-05T23:23:32Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > The picture in question doesn’t show Stalin’s arm, and **Mangrove’s** post doesn’t mention Stalin’s arm. So I’m not sure in what sense he’s “right”. > > Stalin did have a handicapped left arm, but it isn’t really that noticeable, especially given that he was almost always pictured in a military trenchcoat. I don’t think airbrushing would’ve been necessary to hide it. I fail to follow your logic. The quote was: _ **That photo of Stalin is heavily doctored. He was severely scarred by smallpox early in his life,** and IIRC was also quite short and walked with a limp because his legs weren’t the same length._ My initial comment was on the first portion. In the second, I said _If you look at the photos of him together with Churchill and Roosevelt at Yalta, you can see him nursing his withered left arm._ I was referring to pictures like\*\* this one\*\*, not in _Pravda_: > **['Winston Churchill, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Josef Stalin, Yalta Conference,...](https://www.allposters.com/-sp/Winston-Churchill-Franklin-D-Roosevelt-and-Josef-Stalin-Yalta-Conference-February-1945-Posters_i5154087_.htm)** > > Find great deals on 'Winston Churchill, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Josef Stalin, Yalta Conference, February 1945' Photo at AllPosters.com, with fast shipping, easy returns, and custom framing options you'll love! Overcoat or not, it’s obvious once you know it’s there. Regarding his legs, I do remember reading about them somewhere else, but not specifically where. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150/20 "2013-01-05T23:51:40Z")
Can one of you please click on the actual photo in the OP, of course it’s [heavily doctored.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1q17vfqtE1rrv516o1_400.jpg) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stalin-mao-or-hitler-who-would-you-marry/646150.md?page=2)