# "'Stand back,' Tom ejaculated!" Origin of the "Tom Swifty"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 6, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267 "2005-12-06T00:07:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/21 "2005-12-06T18:57:01Z")
“Good morning”, Tom said woodenly. Am I doing this right? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/22 "2005-12-06T19:16:57Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Shouldn’t that be “They just _had_ to trade him to the New York Yankees,” Tom said, ruthlessly. Well, that would work, but I thought they traded him to Boston for the final years of his career. What do I lnow? ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/23 "2005-12-06T19:46:43Z")
> [@UncleRojelio](#): > > “Good morning”, Tom said woodenly. > > Am I doing this right? A more correct (though obvious) approach might be, “‘I think it’s made of pine,’ said Tom woodenly.” The adverb has some kind of punning relationship to what Tom says, and is not merely ironic or inappropriate. “Pass me those potato chips,” said Tom crisply. “These leaves are everywhere,” said Tom rakishly. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/24 "2005-12-06T19:51:21Z")
> [@Nonsuch](#): > > A more correct (though obvious) approach might be, “‘I think it’s made of pine,’ said Tom woodenly.” The adverb has some kind of punning relationship to what Tom says, and is not merely ironic or inappropriate. Am I whooshing you, or are you whooshing me? ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/25 "2005-12-06T19:52:26Z")
> [@UncleRojelio](#): > > Am I whooshing you, or are you whooshing me? Good question. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![sqweels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f19dbf/32.png) [@sqweels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sqweels)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/26 "2005-12-06T19:53:06Z")
“The wedding is off”, she announced unceremoniously. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/27 "2005-12-06T19:55:05Z")
“My wood is gone! It’s all gone!” Tom pined. ---
**Author:** ![Lathe\_of\_Heaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Lathe\_of\_Heaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lathe_of_Heaven)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/28 "2005-12-06T19:58:24Z")
“Take the prisoner downstairs,” Tom said condescendingly. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/29 "2005-12-06T19:58:30Z")
“I hate yardwork,” Tom hedged. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/30 "2005-12-06T19:59:59Z")
“It’s like a Middle Eastern market!” Tom declared, bizarrely. “Hey, the lights have gone!” Tom exclaimed, delightedly. > [@UncleRojelio](#): > > “Good morning”, Tom said woodenly. > > Am I doing this right? That’s a [Wellerism](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wellerism). Tom Swifites are to Wellerisms as squares are to rectangles. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/31 "2005-12-06T20:05:40Z")
“Hey, it’s dark in here!” Tom exclaimed, delightedly. There, much better. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/32 "2005-12-06T20:09:21Z")
“I’ve lost all sensation in my arm!” said Tom unnervingly. “Maybe we should ask my mother’s sisters?” said Tom, askance. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/33 "2005-12-06T20:14:38Z")
“The burglars got away with all my Viagra!” Tom raged impotently. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/34 "2005-12-06T20:16:06Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > Tom Swifites are to Wellerisms as squares are to rectangles. “We have nothing in common”, Tom said orthogonally. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/35 "2005-12-06T20:18:16Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > “The burglars got away with all my Viagra!” Tom raged impotently. s/impotently/flaccidly/g 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/36 "2005-12-06T20:28:58Z")
"I don’t like performing oral sex " Tom mouthed off. "I just don’t like being around other guys " Tom mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/37 "2005-12-06T20:35:21Z")
“How cartoonish,” Tom said animatedly. “I’ve got explosives up my rectum!” Tom said bombastically. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/38 "2005-12-06T20:35:24Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > “The burglars got away with all my Viagra!” Tom raged impotently. “Found it”, Tom said turgidly. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/39 "2005-12-06T20:37:46Z")
“This is a booster shot,” Tom injected. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/40 "2005-12-06T20:43:23Z")
“That guy punched me so hard he dented my forehead!” said Tom, impressed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267.md?page=3)