# "'Stand back,' Tom ejaculated!" Origin of the "Tom Swifty"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 6, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267 "2005-12-06T00:07:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/41 "2005-12-06T20:50:03Z")
“No, really, that is 10 inches”, Tom inserted. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/42 "2005-12-06T20:57:53Z")
“The exorcism is complete,” Tom mumbled dispiritedly. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/43 "2005-12-06T20:58:34Z")
“I arrived by parachute,” Tom explained. “I’m gonna sue you again,” Tom retorted. “I…you…we…” Tom pronounced. “I’m just blowin’ hot air,” Tom bellowed. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/44 "2005-12-06T21:08:44Z")
“This place is haunted!” Tom said spiritedly. “My savings aren’t growing,” Tom said disinterestedly. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/45 "2005-12-06T21:33:17Z")
“I’m just wandering around,” Tom rambled. “We’re going in circles!” Tom declared roundly. “Camping is fun,” Tom said intently. “That scam artist really fleeced me,” Tom admitted sheepishly. “I’m giving up prostitution!” Tom exhorted. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/46 "2005-12-06T22:25:41Z")
“Take your hand off my breast!” she tittered. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/47 "2005-12-06T22:30:12Z")
“She was last seen riding the sorrel mare,” said Tom hoarsely. “I can’t find my book of hexes,” said Tom disenchantedly. “She kicked me right in the you-know-where!,” said Tom testily. “Just put it in park for a while,” Tom said idly. (My kinda thread …) ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/48 "2005-12-06T23:33:00Z")
“Take that cassete out of the player” Tom ejected. “That’s my take on the situation” Tom opined. “Your skin is thick” he said callously. “That’s rough” he barked. “They pushed me down” he said dejectedly. Gingerly they cruised around the spice islands. “The cat’s in the syrup” she purred sweetly. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2005, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/49 "2005-12-06T23:43:04Z")
“I’m thinking about the stock market now” admitted Tom, limply. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/50 "2005-12-07T01:10:30Z")
> [@Bryan Ekers](#): > > “Take your hand off my breast!” she tittered. Mod? Mod! Excuse me, Sir! Sir! Could we have a little adult supervision here, please? Tom asked adivsedly. _dammit._ ---
**Author:** ![KlondikeGeoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@KlondikeGeoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KlondikeGeoff)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/51 "2005-12-07T01:22:32Z")
Not quite a Swifty, but fun: Every time he saw a keyhole, Tom peeped intuitively. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/52 "2005-12-07T01:35:56Z")
“And then the serpent tempted Eve,” Tom insinuated. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2005, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/53 "2005-12-07T03:06:50Z")
“And that’s how I got rid of my zits!” Tom expostulated. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/54 "2009-11-13T01:06:33Z")
“Ouch! Those nails really hurt,” He said crossly. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/55 "2009-11-13T01:28:09Z")
“I’ll need more candles”, Tom glowered. I love these, so much. You guys are cracking me up. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/56 "2009-11-13T01:32:41Z")
“I’ve been attacked by zombies!” Tom exclaimed brainlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/57 "2009-11-13T01:36:15Z")
“Put down that dynamite!” Tom exploded. “They’ve almost got that building torn down” Tom dissembled. “We shouldn’t use worms to catch fish” Tom debated. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/58 "2009-11-13T01:38:21Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Well, that would work, but I thought they traded him to Boston for the final years of his career. > > What do I lnow? The Boston Red Sox originally sold him to the Yankees before the 1920 season. At the end of his career in 1935, the Yankees traded him to the Boston Braves, but he lasted only a couple of months. ---
**Author:** ![whorfin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/6f9a4e/32.png) [@whorfin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whorfin)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/59 "2009-11-13T01:43:46Z")
Ein, Zwei, Drei, Funf—Tom exclaimed fearlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267/60 "2009-11-13T01:45:00Z")
‘That’s not a gun, this is a gun,’ Tom shot back. ‘But I love Moby Dick!’ Tom wailed. ‘I hate female dogs,’ Tom said, bitchily. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-back-tom-ejaculated-origin-of-the-tom-swifty/334267.md?page=4)