# "Stand-up" or "sit-down" wipers, what are you? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2003, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479 "2003-02-07T15:46:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/21 "2003-02-10T21:14:33Z")
Not so **rhino** … I am a recent convert to the sitting wipe, and there’s no going back. I was baffled to find out (on this very board, I believe) that there were people who didn’t stand up. I shared my bafflement with the fiancee and she was baffled to find out that I (and others) stood up! She shared similar logic to **Chicken Scratch** , above. I blew it off, thinking… it’s worked so far… and what about the balls? nah… it must be a chick thing. But then one day I tried it. Wow… it worked. You just gotta lift the equiment out of the way with one hand and reach under with the other. Watch out for getting you hand in the water, but it’s pretty easy to master if you try. And the results are much better. No accidentally smashed clingers. Everything stays _in situ_ and doesn’t smear. Less wipes, less embarrasing missed areas that leas to skidmarks. after 26 years, who would’ve thunk it? ---
**Author:** ![rhinostylee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc79bd/32.png) [@rhinostylee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhinostylee)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/22 "2003-02-10T23:07:50Z")
Gonzo, I only entertain your theory based on the fact that you are a former stand-up wiper. However, based on your experience, I shall give your technique a try. I never thought to simply lift all of my equipment out of the way! Unfortunately, I already took my dump of the day. But tomorrow morning there wil be a brand new one for me to try it out on (somehow my daily shit schedule was thrown off and now it’s first thing in the morning instead in the afternoon like in the good old days). Who knows, you may have converted a life-time stand-up wiper to the dark side of sitting! It’s not that I don’t enjoy standing up, but I think that lately the excessive wiping has been doing some damage, and I’d like to wipe less if at all possible. I guess I could just stop wiping altogether. I heard that’s what some prisoners do add extra incentive to their “don’t rape me” platform. Makes sense! ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/23 "2003-02-11T01:18:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Flowerchild \* > \*\*Ummm, Hello. How in the hell can you stand up to wipe? You stay sat down, spread the leags wider, and go right down the middle, still wiping back to front.I imagine this might be harder for men to do. \*\* I’m told women aren’t supposed to wipe back to front because of germs. Makes sense to me. I go front-to-back. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/24 "2003-02-11T15:38:52Z")
I lay on the lawn and have the Mrs. hose me down. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/25 "2003-02-11T15:55:31Z")
> [@](#): > > A wet piece of Toilet Paper over the sensor will ensure that it doesn’t flush until you want it too! **Çyrin** , by Jove, you’re right! It worked! (Only, I used two plies of dry paper). Woo hoo! ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/26 "2003-02-11T15:56:51Z")
Anyone ever try out those Charmin wet wipes? ---
**Author:** ![Broodha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@Broodha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broodha)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/27 "2003-02-11T16:33:25Z")
Is “a clinger” the same as “a dingleberry” ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/28 "2003-02-11T16:35:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Flowerchild \* > \*\*Ummm, Hello. How in the hell can you stand up to wipe? You stay sat down, spread the leags wider, and go right down the middle, still wiping back to front.I imagine this might be harder for men to do. \*\* You wipe back to front!?? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/29 "2003-02-11T16:37:38Z")
I’m one of those who is completely baffled by the standing wipers. It seems gross to me. Ugh. Me, I reach around the back from the right. Can’t really imagine reaching between my legs… that wouldn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![rhinostylee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc79bd/32.png) [@rhinostylee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhinostylee)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/30 "2003-02-11T17:35:06Z")
I had my opportunity today. I was all set on trying the “between-the-legs” method, but I couldn’t make myself do it. There was not nearly enough room to try and reach down there, not to mention withdraw post-wipe to check my progress! So, I tried the lean-and-reach to the side, the right side specifically, and wasn’t all that enamored with this new method. You see, when standing, you have all the room in the world to reach around and then check the TP. I found that while sitting, I almost ran my used TP into the wall and against my leg when checking my progress due to the lack of available space. Maybe I’m just uncoordinated, but it seemed like risky business. I also couldn’t tell if it was more effective. I really didn’t have to wipe to much, which is a good sign, but the consistency this time around was not of my usual variety, so I have little basis of comparison. I don’t know if I care to stray from standing again . . . ---
**Author:** ![Sock\_Munkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Sock\_Munkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sock_Munkey)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/31 "2003-02-11T20:24:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Broodha \* > \*\*Is “a clinger” the same as “a dingleberry” \*\* A “dingleberry” hangs from the butt hairs, while a “clinger” is stuck to the butt itself. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![rhinostylee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc79bd/32.png) [@rhinostylee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhinostylee)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/32 "2003-02-11T21:32:42Z")
> [@](#): > > A “dingleberry” hangs from the butt hairs, while a “clinger” is stuck to the butt itself. I disagree. I think that a clinger **becomes** one or more dingleberries; I think that they are almost synonyms. Both words apply whether the offending object is attached to your butt, ass hair, or actual anus. The difference is all in the timing. It’s a clinger if it is newly born, having been freshly produced, while it’s sole purpose is to disrupt the wiping process. Dingleberries are the remenants of clingers. You get a nasty clinger and you unknowingly smear it all over when trying to wipe, there’s no way you’ll get it all out of there unless you take a shower! Therefore, you’re left with a bunch of dingleberries. I think that the term “dingleberry” only applies post-wipe. You could almost think of a dingleberry as the offspring of a clinger. Dingleberries can also consist partly of toilet paper. Sometimes, after vigorous wiping after failing to eradicate the clingers, you have to give up. And what is left mixed in with the dingleberries is absorbed toiled paper. I know this because every time I take a shower, the first thing I do is get rid of all the ol’ dingleberries, and after close inspection, I realized that there was some TP in there! ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/33 "2003-02-11T21:46:32Z")
OK, this may be getting gross here, (too late!) but I find that with the sitting method, I don’t have to visually check for progress. Since everything is localized, I can kinda feel when the coast is clear. (through the tissue of course, not directly.) I admit that the whole sitting method definately depends on the relative sizes of the hand, butt, and toilet in use. So it may not alway be easy to reach… ---
**Author:** ![Anita\_Vacation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Anita\_Vacation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anita_Vacation)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/34 "2003-02-11T22:09:26Z")
I can’t believe I’m replying to this thread. I refuse to do my husband’s laundry, I avoid looking at it for that matter, because he stands. Skidmarks are far less likely with the sitting method. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/35 "2003-02-11T22:17:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by whiterabbit \* > \*\*I’m told women aren’t supposed to wipe back to front because of germs. Makes sense to me. I go front-to-back. \*\* I can’t believe I finally gave in and read this thread, much less that I am now replying to it, but I wanted to chime in that I also was told never to wipe back to front. You can give yourself an infection this way.:eek: ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/36 "2003-02-11T22:36:12Z")
So, \*\*rhinostylee, \*\* this is what folks do for entertainment in Omaha ? You know, the way you describe it, it could almost be an Olympic sport … marks for artistic interpretation … oh look, the French are voting with the Germans again … One word to live by: Bidet ---
**Author:** ![PurpleNurple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d07c76/32.png) [@PurpleNurple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleNurple)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/37 "2003-02-11T22:46:58Z")
I use the method that Gonzoron mentioned and I have never in my life heard of this stand up and wipe deal. I have used the method I use as long as I can remeber and figured everyone did it the same way ( but of course who really talks about this stuff or even sees others on the john?). I just with one hand lift up the package under the berries and wipe until satisfactory. I figure if I stood up my butt cheeks would come together and make more a mess than I want to imagine. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/38 "2003-02-12T00:59:28Z")
London\_Calling: Yes!! I love my bidet attachment. ---
**Author:** ![EyeballBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecc23a/32.png) [@EyeballBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EyeballBoy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/39 "2003-02-12T02:02:58Z")
Filthy uncivilized americans without bidets. And I’m moving over to the US soon. What shall I do? What? I cannot go around without washing properly. As if paper alone works. As if. If you use nothing but paper, you will be disgustingly filthy until your next shower, or do you waste whole rolls of toilet paper to make sure the last swipe is immaculately white? When out of water, I do, and try to keep moist napkins nearby for emergencies. How can you people walk around knowing you have such dirty bottoms? Have you no sense of decency? I will have to remodel the bathroom for sure. ---
**Author:** ![EyeballBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecc23a/32.png) [@EyeballBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EyeballBoy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2003, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479/40 "2003-02-12T02:05:02Z")
And I sit down, of course. Reach around. Front-to-back. It prevents…smearing. And then, the refreshing water! Glorious, purifying water. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/stand-up-or-sit-down-wipers-what-are-you/153479.md?page=3)