# Standing up for women. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 6, 2011, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341 "2011-02-06T01:00:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/41 "2011-02-08T21:52:18Z")
> [@campp](#): > > I was taught to stand up, and I still do. I didn’t think it was “out of style”. I also remove my hat indoors, unlike most men. Even at Walmart. > > 53 year old BTW. Me too. I tell myself a ball cap is a sort of county Yarmulke and it doesn’t bother me as much. I told my boys the openning doors for ladies and such is just prcatice for when they need to do it for their Grandma. It’s nice to see them step up in those situations. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/42 "2011-02-08T21:56:27Z")
My husband and a few other men still occasionally stand up for me, and I’m “only” 35. I usually smile, nod and either make a “have a seat” gesture or say something like, “Oh, that’s not necessary. Please sit.” Well, at least that’s what I do when it’s not my husband. If it’s him, I usually giggle at him over my fan, blush and fall over from a case of the vapors. Keeps him on his toes. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/43 "2011-02-08T21:56:45Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > No, I think **Misnomer** has it right: I hold the door open for everyone, as a gesture of assistance from one human being to another. Doesn’t matter whther they’re women or men, young or old. I stand for every handshake too. That’s how I feel about it. If you wouldn’t do a particular action out of respect for _anyone_ you meet, then why do it for me just because I’m a woman? That’s not respect, that’s special treatment, and I don’t particularly feel like I need to be treated differently than anyone else. It’s nonsense. For the record, I’ll hold the door open for anyone that’s coming up behind me (and I judge to be close enough…that’s always the hard part) and I’m pretty sure I stand for every handshake (it doesn’t happen very often that I’m already seated when handshakes are done!). ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/44 "2011-02-08T22:34:43Z")
I stand to greet anyone for the first time. I do not stand when someone leaves and returns. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/45 "2011-02-08T22:37:35Z")
> [@Waxwinged](#): > > Ehh… I disagree. Good manners are never amiss, and while standing up at the table/holding a door open/opening a car door for a woman may not seem like a big deal, most of them will think better of you for it. And how many women consider that I would think better of them if they offered me a similar courtesy? > [@Sunspace](#): > > See, if a man holds the door open _only_ for women, it means either that he’s trying to hit on the women, or that he _dis_respects men. 😉 > > No, I think **Misnomer** has it right: I hold the door open for everyone, as a gesture of assistance from one human being to another. Doesn’t matter whther they’re women or men, young or old. I stand for every handshake too. When I was dating, I would rise when my date arrived, but that’s becuase she was my date, not because she was a woman. I’m with Sunspace on this. > [@spark240](#): > > (a _first_ handshake is always standing). _First_ handshake? There is only one handshake. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/46 "2011-02-08T22:54:30Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > So…if I (a woman) open a door for you, “it’s a polite thing to do.” > > If you (a woman), open a door for me, “it’s a polite thing to do.” > > If Steve opens a door for Joe, “it’s a polite thing to do.” > > If Joe opens a door for Steve, “it’s a polite thing to do.” > > But if Joe opens a door for me, “it serves no purpose other than putting on a show, one specifically based upon gender roles and social mores that delineated females as both weak and in specific need of special attention and protection.”? > > I’m missing a step here. Either that or it’s \*you \*who is judging people based on gender. What you missed was that **tumbleddown** was talking about standing up for people as a gesture of “respect” when they enter or leave or stand up themselves, the topic of this thread. Not opening doors for people. So it goes like this: So…if a woman stands up for another woman, “it serves no purpose other than putting on a show.” If Steve stands up for Joe, “it serves no purpose other than putting on a show.” If Joe stands up for Steve, “it serves no purpose other than putting on a show.” But if Joe stands up for you, “it serves no purpose other than putting on a show.” Seem more consistent now? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/47 "2011-02-08T23:31:37Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I’ve noticed that people used to stand to shake hands, too, and I think that tradition still continues. It’s really not fair, because a lot of younger guys don’t seem to “know this rule,” but I make a lot of assumptions about a guy that doesn’t stand up to shake hands. none of them are positive if I don’t see crutches or a wheelchair. I’ve seen a good friend of mine actually _withdraw_ his hand when a seated guy reached for it. Dude clued in and stood up immediately and all was groovy. I’ll stand when rank enters the area for the first time of an event (work day, meeting, formal dinner, etc.). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/48 "2011-02-08T23:52:24Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > I > It caught my ex-wife by surprise when we were dating. If we were out to dinner, she’d say that she had to go to the washroom, and get up. I’d get up too, and she’d say something like, “No, no, just me, you can stay here.” Once she realized that I rose when the lady did, but would plop down again when she left, she said nothing more. 😃 Thought you assumed ‘Go to the washroom’ was code for a quickie! I think I’ve had it done in my presence, I can’t remember. I vaguely recall some sort of half crouch. Anyway, if a table full of men stood up as soon as I entered the room, I’d assume they were staging a walk-out or trying to get me to notice their junk. Opening doors, though, never goes out of fashion. And is practical, to boot! (As long as you’re not one of those people who opens it three minutes before the person’s actually arrived, forcing them to speed up so as not to keep you waiting.) ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/49 "2011-02-09T00:29:48Z")
“I don’t do it because you’re a lady; I do it because I’m a gentleman.” ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341/50 "2011-02-09T00:59:15Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > But if Joe opens a door for me, “it serves no purpose other than putting on a show, one specifically based upon gender roles and social mores that delineated females as both weak and in specific need of special attention and protection.”? > > I’m missing a step here. Either that or it’s \*you \*who is judging people based on gender. No, as **Fuzzy Dunlop** noted, I was talking about this bizarre practice of standing up for no purpose other than someone else in the room or at the table standing up. With regard to doors, if you’re one of those men who leaps and scuttles ahead to be sure that you’re the one to open a door that we’re both approaching, again, honestly stop that shit. It looks ridiculous, it doesn’t respect me, it most likely is going to pull me up short or make me break my stride trying to figure out why you’re suddenly breaking stride and it’s most typically accompanied by _ignoring our conversation_ in order to attend to a damn door. I am just as capable of opening a door, if I’m first to it, as you are. Don’t treat me otherwise. > [@mnemosyne](#): > > That’s how I feel about it. If you wouldn’t do a particular action out of respect for _anyone_ you meet, then why do it for me just because I’m a woman? That’s not respect, that’s special treatment, and I don’t particularly feel like I need to be treated differently than anyone else. It’s nonsense. _ **EXACTLY!** _ > [@Quartz](#): > > “I don’t do it because you’re a lady; I do it because I’m a gentleman.” Unless you’re doing the same thing with regard to other “gentlemen” as you’re doing with me, then that’s just a complete fiction. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/standing-up-for-women/570341.md?page=2)