# Star Trek and Enterprise songs by Dopers (since neithe Viva nor Kn\*ckers is doing it) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 22, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250 "2003-03-22T01:25:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/41 "2003-03-24T14:17:10Z")
I’m coming, I’m coming. Jeepers, I’m only here weekdays, ya know… I can’t think of any previously posted songs that have been missed, but I’m all about coming up with more new ones. I’ve got nothin’, right now, though… I’ll come back the second I think of something. Love this thread - thanks for starting it, **NCB**! And yes, we are all tragically incurable geeks. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/42 "2003-03-24T14:37:25Z")
Anyone still celebraing St. Patty’s? Cause I think Danny Boy needs an upgrade: **Harry Kim** Oh, Harry Kim, the clarinets are calling; From mother earth, to wherever you are - You’re series ended, but I will still remember you; Oh, Harry Kim, you are my shining star. You may be slow, and terribly annoying. You may deserve a slap upside the head, But Harry Kim, I have to say I pity you. And pity’s pretty close to love, or so it’s said. Oh, Harry Kim, if you ever turn up again Be it in series, or franchise motion pics - I’ll roll my eyes, and make some snide remark, I’m sure, But rest assured, I still prefer you to Neelix. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/43 "2003-03-24T15:52:24Z")
**Porthos** _(To the tune of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s **Memory** )_ Porthos - all alone on a starship, You’re the only non-biped, Unless you count Phlox’s things. But for my part, I think of them as sickbay supplies; Even the creatures with feet, teeth and wings! Porthos, you’re a dog like no other; Without peer among canines, You’re the one astro-pup Well, there was Laika, The Commie bitch that Sputnik contained, But she’s dead now - her air all used up. Captain Archer doesn’t know that you’re a furry Don Juan - Yes, I suspect you of naughty designs, after that one scene in Decon! Porthos, you’ve got no one to talk to, Even Hoshi can’t speak Dog - That sure must be a pain. Yet you’re undaunted; you even faced the worst threat of all: Submerged vivisection of your little dog brain! ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/44 "2003-03-24T23:38:03Z")
Coming soon: \*\*Who Needs Chicago? We’ve Got Kn\*ckers, Live on Broadway! \*\* 🙂 Awesome talents! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/45 "2003-03-25T02:44:52Z")
from Baha Men: \*Who let the Borg out? Q Q Q Q Q\* ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/46 "2003-03-25T03:43:58Z")
(Sung to the tune of Prince’s \* I Wanna Be Your Lover\*) **I Wanna Do Your Decon** \*Let’s get warm and runny Let’s get some goo and spread it all around Your ears are kinda funny But I really want to rub you down I ain’t got much logic 'Cause you never seem emotional And I need your clothes off, yeah That’s all I’m living for, yeah I don’t want to pressure you, baby But Panda owns the rights to this show I wanna do your decon I wanna stroke those pointy ears of yours, T’Pol I wanna do your decon I wanna goo you in, goo you out, all night long, make you shout Oh, T’Pol! Yeah I wanna be the only one that cleans you I wanna be your captain I wanna be your ensign and your redshirt, too T’Pol! There ain’t no other That can do the things I’ll do to you And I get discouraged 'Cause Vulcans treat me just like a child And they say I’m human, yeah But with you I just go wild! Don’t wear that pressure suit, baby. No! That would make it hard to apply the goo I wanna do your decon I wanna be the only that rubs your skin, T’Pol I wanna do your decon I wanna stroke your skin, see you pout, Panda’s here to make you shout Oh, T’Pol! Yeah I wanna be the only one that cleans you, yeah \* ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/47 "2003-03-25T05:20:05Z")
Another song, this one set to “Youth of the Nation”. It doesn’t fit exactly but I like it. Little Julian was only twelve When he was given the world With every chance to excel Hang with the guys and hear the stories they tell He might act kind of proud But had no respect for herself He found love in all sorts of places The same sort of woman Just different faces Changed up his pace since his parents changed him Too bad they never told him He deserved much better ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/48 "2003-03-25T06:27:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*_(Sung to the tune of Prince’s \* I Wanna Be Your Lover_) > > **I Wanna Do Your Decon** > > SNIP \*\* * * * Whew! [fans self, pants] Is it hot in this forum? ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/49 "2003-03-25T06:31:34Z")
:dubious: Not really… my hands are cold and I ain’t a Trill. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/50 "2003-03-25T06:34:15Z")
of course, tho I had to say T’Pol, I was thinking **Viva** 😛 (you’re fanning your _pants_?) ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/51 "2003-03-25T06:55:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*of course, tho I had to say T’Pol, I was thinking **Viva** > 😛 > > (you’re fanning your _pants_?) \*\* * * * Well, it’s ambiguous, so you can take it any way you want. (The above sentence is also ambiguous. Amphibious. Ambidextrous.) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/52 "2003-03-25T07:00:10Z")
Just wait til tomorrow when I’ll redo _Contraversy_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/53 "2003-03-25T07:01:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*Just wait til tomorrow when I’ll redo _Contraversy_ > > :eek: \*\* * * * My tomorrow? In an hour? It’s already tomorrow where you are. That means it’s today. So you’re doing it the day after that? Are you follerin’ all of this? Are you sure? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/54 "2003-03-25T07:03:58Z")
I’m in Crewman Daniel’s quarters. ---
**Author:** ![Egor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6de8d8/32.png) [@Egor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Egor)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/55 "2003-03-26T00:55:36Z")
Rather dated now, with an appropriately old tune I’m sure you’ll recognise. Additional verses welcome. When I get older, losing my hair Not so long from now (not so long ago) Will I still be speeding through the starry skies, Will I still be captain of the Enterprise? Burning out engines, doing the log Who could ask for more? But will they still pay me, and will they obey me now I’m sixty-four? I could be handy, blowing my fuse when the script has gone (was there ever one?) Throwing in a cliche almost anywhere “Warp one Sulu - take her out there!” If I took out a sector or three would you balk at four? \*\*\*\* the court martial It keeps the fans partial to a captain who is sixty-four. Send me a subspace, spin me a line, stating point of view (any one will do) Never mind precisely what you meant to say I will always do it my way. N.C.C. one seven-oh-one Mine for ever more But will they obey me (and will they still pay me) now I’m sixty-four? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/56 "2003-03-26T01:55:31Z")
**Egor** : That’s one of the best first posts I’ve ever seen. Welcome, and thanks for the tune! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/57 "2003-03-26T03:49:04Z")
**Egor** , Marvelous. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/58 "2003-03-26T04:18:41Z")
(to the tune of _I’m A Believer_ by the Monkeys and/or Smash Mouth) **I Liked Firefly** \*I thought Treks were only shown on UPN On Wednesday nights repeated on Sundays Roddenberry spoke To Berman from the grave Disappointed haunts the episodes And then on FOX - TV A show by Josh Whedon Without a chance To last until Spring It was good It had a sub plot A kinda strange doc A guy named Jayne Firefly was more or less a wild show The more you saw, the more you were surprised But FOX - TV was evil They had a nasty plan We never had a chance 'cause it got canned They took Firefly And screwed with it’s schedule Never had a chance Of a Season Two Oh River Tam I’ll never see her Attack with a cleaver That guy named Jayne What’s the use in watching A Science Fction show If all the characters are told to blow I liked Firefly From the first teaser And now it’s gone I thought Josh was a pleaser Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I liked Firefly I liked Firefly I liked Firefly - ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/59 "2003-03-26T04:27:35Z")
All this talk of _Firefly_ has me curious as to what I missed. 'Course, by never seeing it, I’m not perturbed by its hasty cancellation so maybe it’s a good thing I never watched it. Oh, and **Egor** , your song was great. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250/60 "2003-03-26T15:09:56Z")
**Egor** : Lovely song! Have an Imaginary Trek Welcome Cookie! Pecan, of course. **NCB** : Don’t re-freaking-mind me! Great song, though. **Aesiron** : Better to have loved and lost than never to have… Nah, in this case, it’s probably better not to have loved in the first place. Consider yourself lucky. And, since I just came from the MST3K Poll/Love Fest, thread - here’s one for the MSTies: (To the Tune of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Theme): In the somewhat distant future, Just after World War III - The Vulcans made first contact With humans like you and me. They helped to get our world on track, And Archer’s dad thought they held us back. But you can’t keep down the human race, Yeah, we powered up our engines, And we blasted off to space! “Those humans sure are numbskulls - Emotional and stuff. And their blood’s a funny color, If round ears aren’t weird enough!” The Vulcans think we’re pretty dumb, Which kind of makes good sense, If your premise is that humans are Like Archer and his friends! Bonehead Roll Call: _(omitted for brevity)_ If you’re wondering why the Vulcans chose Not to blow us up on sight, I have to suppose That Vulcans, too, Are really not so bright. Are humanoids, in general, just stupid? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-and-enterprise-songs-by-dopers-since-neithe-viva-nor-kn-ckers-is-doing-it/163250.md?page=4)