# Star Trek (TNG) rant **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 12, 2001, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898 "2001-08-12T10:57:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/1 "2001-08-12T10:57:41Z")
I was watching some old Star Trek the next generation episodes the other day and I saw something that used make me laugh when the show was originaly on. Can anyone tell me why the hell is it that when ever Data malfunctions, its the _doctor_ that fixes him? Uh…I’m no genius but shouldn’t that be the enginiers job? I mean if captian Kirk were to say to Mr. Bones “Hey fix that robot asap!” The famed Mr. bones would most definitely reply with “Damn it Jim I’m a _doctor_ not an enginier!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/2 "2001-08-12T16:22:13Z")
I though it was usually the engineer, Geordi who worked on him; as in “Friends don’t let friends produce a general protection fault” or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Shera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Shera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shera)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/3 "2001-08-12T16:39:01Z")
One thing I noticed is that the aliens sure were more imaginative then they were on Voyager. At least on TNG they they tried to make them look as different as possible most of the time. On Voyager they just stuck on a funny nose or funny ears and called it an alien. That always made me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/4 "2001-08-12T17:00:10Z")
> [@](#): > > On Voyager they just stuck on a funny nose or funny ears and called it an alien. That always made me laugh. It _would’ve_ been funny, if that show wasn’t so pathetically unimaginative for most of its run. ---
**Author:** ![ModernRonin2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@ModernRonin2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ModernRonin2)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/5 "2001-08-12T20:53:44Z")
[http://www.theonion.com/onion3306/federationdirective.html](http://www.theonion.com/onion3306/federationdirective.html) -Ben ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/6 "2001-08-12T21:25:31Z")
Hmmm? What? I was resting my eyes. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/7 "2001-08-12T21:28:09Z")
There had been decades worth of new ideas piling up, waiting to be used, on STTNG. Imaginations and enthusiasm had run dry by the time Voyager had enough episodes in the can to form a lucrative syndication package, which was Majel Barrett’s Prime Directive all along. The new series is NOT a good idea. The franchise should rest and recover for a few years. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/8 "2001-08-12T21:29:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Can anyone tell me why the hell is it that when ever Data malfunctions, its the doctor that fixes him? Uh…I’m no genius but shouldn’t that be the enginiers job? If I recall correctly, some of Data’s functions so closely mimicked biological processes that some things needed a doctor’s analysis. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/9 "2001-08-13T01:56:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SHAKES \* > \*\*Can anyone tell me why the hell is it that when ever Data malfunctions, its the _doctor_ that fixes him? Uh…I’m no genius but shouldn’t that be the enginiers job? > \*\* The engineers were too busy watching a 14-year old boy teach them how the ship (and the universe at large) functions. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/10 "2001-08-13T11:47:21Z")
I could never get the way Data used the computers via screen and touchpad / keyboard, and the information on the screen would whizz by as he speedread it. Wouldn’t he just stick his Johnson into one of the ports or something? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/11 "2001-08-13T12:41:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TheLoadedDog \* > \*\*stick his Johnson into one of the ports \*\* Is that like a tricorder or something? ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/12 "2001-08-13T13:00:55Z")
He DID tell Tasha Yar he was “fully functional” in that area. ---
**Author:** ![tavalla](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tavalla/32/89_2.png) [@tavalla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tavalla)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/13 "2001-08-13T13:08:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TheLoadedDog \* > \*\*I could never get the way Data used the computers via screen and touchpad / keyboard, and the information on the screen would whizz by as he speedread it. Wouldn’t he just stick his Johnson into one of the ports or something? \*\* That’s up there with Kryten’s groinal socket… ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/14 "2001-08-13T13:15:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TheLoadedDog \* > \*\*Wouldn’t he just stick his Johnson into one of the ports or something? \*\* Was he even equipped with one? ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/15 "2001-08-13T15:01:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TheLoadedDog \* > \*\*I could never get the way Data used the computers via screen and touchpad / keyboard, and the information on the screen would whizz by as he speedread it. Wouldn’t he just stick his Johnson into one of the ports or something? \*\* ``` The computer in Data's quarters was set up so that ``` he could plug directly into it. On some occasions ( Data has nightmare’s about cowboys and cellular peptide cake, Data tries to reach Picard’s personality after the Borg have made Picard into Locutus) Data does stick a wire into his head. I assume that most of the time using the standard keyboard or verbal interface is sufficient for the job. It was usually engineers who repaired Data. In “Masks” Data is experiencing a whole passel of problems and thinks that he may be going nuts. Geordi opens up his skull and tries to fix him. In “Fistful Of Data’s” Data accidentally downloads wild West information and starts speaking like a real fist-fighting, quick-drawing, steer-roping cowpoke. Geordi fixes it. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/16 "2001-08-13T16:13:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DocCathode \* > \*\*In “Fistful Of Data’s” Data accidentally downloads wild West information and starts speaking like a real fist-fighting, quick-drawing, steer-roping cowpoke. Geordi fixes it. \*\* He was also just about everyone else in the Holo Deck scenario, including the love interest. That is one of my favorite Worf moments: “COMPUTER! End program! COMPUTER! NOW!” ---
**Author:** ![Shera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Shera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shera)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2001, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-tng-rant/75898/17 "2001-08-13T18:57:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TheLoadedDog \* > \*\*I could never get the way Data used the computers via screen and touchpad / keyboard, and the information on the screen would whizz by as he speedread it. Wouldn’t he just stick his Johnson into one of the ports or something? \*\* Okay, now let’s look at it from a logical point of view, mine:D Since Data was a one of a kind (well two of a kind, but my theory still works) android, I doubt that they made all the starships compatable with his uh…[sub]cough[/sub] Johnson. He probably had a code that he typed in that made the screen move as quickly as he could read. Everyone else might have had special codes too. Most people read at different speeds. This was probably the most efficient way for him to gather information. He also wanted to be as human as possible, maybe he figured sticking his Johnson into a dataport isn’t something that humans do, well, not most humans anyway. [sub]Okay now you can go back to making jokes abut Datas’ equipment(teehee).[/sub]😃