# Star Trek universe Smackdown! Hand to hand fightin'. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 15, 2002, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128 "2002-07-15T21:55:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/41 "2002-07-20T05:14:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Laughing Lagomorph \* > \*\*Garrick. \*\* Close. It’s Garak. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/42 "2002-07-20T05:40:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tim R. Mortiss \* > **Scotty vs… I think his name was O’Reilly? The Irish dude who was Kirk’s classmate at the academy, who popped up on the Alice-in-Wonderland planet. Advantage Scotty, better drinker.** [ST geek mode] Finnegan - upperclassman when Kirk was at the academy, who delighted in playing practical jokes on Kirk. There was a Lt. Riley on the original crew, who in “The Naked Time” barricaded himself in Engineering and then serenaded the ship with the most off-key rendition of “I’ll Take You Home Again Kathleen” in the history of the universe. Scotty would have kicked his ass, too. [/ST geek mode] **Spoofe** > [@](#): > > When in doubt, bet on the tough-ass brothah who rants about the lack of flying cars. I spent most of the first season of DS9 waiting for Sisko to say “Spensuhhh” ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/43 "2002-07-20T16:22:56Z")
Finnegan, of course! I must have been picturing Bill O’Reilly making fun of Kirk in a very special Talking Points memo. And speaking of Garak, I wonder if he was the inspiration for “The Tailor of Panama”? Or more likely the other way around, I haven’t checked dates…Timmy ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/44 "2002-07-20T17:27:02Z")
“The Tailor of Panama” was based on John le Carre’s [1996 book](http://www.internetworks.co.uk/johnlecarre/tailor.htm). le Carre credits his inspiration to Graham Greene’s “Our Man in Havana”. I’ve read neither book nor seen the movie, so I can’t comment further on similarites. [Informational hijack over] I always rather liked Garak - something about that air of being more than he seemed, and the way he kept leading Bashir on with vague comments and that half-smile. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/45 "2002-07-20T17:45:13Z")
Molly O’Brien could whup Naomi Wildman. Girlfight! Could Travis Mayweather conceivably whup _anybody_ ? ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/46 "2002-07-20T22:48:49Z")
Someone mentioned Quark and Neelix earlier. I think Neelix wins this one easily. He apparently buckled a swash or two in his time, and even with only one lung, he could probably still kick Quark’s ass. Quark was never a fighter, and he would probably be disqualified anyway for trying to bribe the ref. How about a randomly chosen Jem-Hadar warrior vs. your run of the mill Borg drone? I give this one to the Jem-Hadar. The Borg were generally not that fearsome individually, only collectively (ha ha). I think the Gorn and the Hirogin hunter would be a very close match. Or either of them vs. Species 90210, or whatever it was. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/47 "2002-07-20T23:12:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Laughing Lagomorph \* > \*\*Someone mentioned Quark and Neelix earlier. I think Neelix wins this one easily. He apparently buckled a swash or two in his time, and even with only one lung, he could probably still kick Quark’s ass. Quark was never a fighter, and he would probably be disqualified anyway for trying to bribe the ref. > > How about a randomly chosen Jem-Hadar warrior vs. your run of the mill Borg drone? I give this one to the Jem-Hadar. The Borg were generally not that fearsome individually, only collectively (ha ha). > > I think the Gorn and the Hirogin hunter would be a very close match. Or either of them vs. Species 90210, or whatever it was. \*\* I thought the main point about species 90210 😛 was that they were such badasses (and infectious too) that they were one the verge of defeating the Borg and could pobably kick anyones ass one on one short of the entity level. ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2002, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/48 "2002-07-20T23:40:26Z")
Q vs. Trelane. And to the victor goes the entire universe and all its parallel quantum realities… ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2002, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/49 "2002-07-21T00:15:55Z")
Team Smack-down: The Worm-hole aliens (aka “the prophets”) vs. the entire Q Continuum. Tough to time each round, though, with beings that all transcend time and space. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2002, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/50 "2002-07-21T00:34:35Z")
Some more mundane matches: Orion slaves girls vs. Rigel servant girls. What out, the green beauties could be the Federation’s next big threat!! ---
**Author:** ![QueenAl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/d26b3c/32.png) [@QueenAl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QueenAl)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2002, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/51 "2002-07-21T19:45:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FordPrefect \* > \*\*Jadsia and Seven, hair down, breasts heaving, suits ripping… damn. Of course they would be fighting over me. \*\* It’s Jad **z** ia, so they’d be fighting over **me** because I spelt Jadzia’s name correctly. 😉 Actually, the fight I’d rather see is Jadzia v. Ivanova. My two biggest celebrity crushes ever. _swoons_ ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2002, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/52 "2002-07-21T19:51:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tim R. Mortiss \* > \*\*The Worm-hole aliens (aka “the prophets”) vs. the entire Q Continuum. Tough to time each round, though, with beings that all transcend time and space. \*\* Yeah, that’s one fight that could literally be over before it started… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/53 "2002-07-22T02:56:48Z")
Q vs. the Prophets? The Prophets, no doubt about that one. Why do you _think_ Q sent Picard on that wild goose chase in “All Good Things…”? It’s because the Q were afraid, because they knew that anomoly would destroy them, as well. The Prophets, meanwhile, _are_ a temporal anomoly. But we’re rather drifting away from the idea of hand-to-hand, now, aren’t we? ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/54 "2002-07-22T14:37:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\* > > If Chekov & Wesley Crusher are fighting over **ForPrefect** , I don’t wanna know about it. :eek: \*\* Neither do I! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2002, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/55 "2002-07-22T20:35:56Z")
C’mon, you guys are missing some classics. Here are some fighters that were not mentioned, you can imagine the matchups. **Ruk the Android** from TOS, “What are Little Girls Made Of?” **Shahna** , from Triskelion- in any cat fight- Seven of Nine, Kira, Jadzia would all be good opponents **The Three Nausicans** who knifed Picard in the heart- maybe against three Jem’hadar I want to see **Romulan Commander Tormalok** against Citizen G’Kar from Babylon 5. Talk about an even match… The Giants from the planet near Murisaki 3 (The Galileo Seven) would also make a good fight, with spears and shields. There have been so many aliens fighting on the whole Trek scene that one can go on, and on, and on… ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2002, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/56 "2002-07-23T02:53:21Z")
Five quintars on the newcomer! ---
**Author:** ![ShadowWarrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7993a0/32.png) [@ShadowWarrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadowWarrior)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2002, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/57 "2002-07-23T09:40:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Steelerphan \* > \*\* > I want to see **Romulan Commander Tormalok** against Citizen G’Kar from Babylon 5. Talk about an even match… > \*\* well, if we’re allowing B5 crossovers, how about the Shorin, or even Walker Smith? Not sure if anyone in ST Universe could stand up to either of them! ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2002, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/58 "2002-07-24T04:29:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vibrotronica \* > \*\*Five quintars on the newcomer! \*\* * * * [geek]You mean Quaatlus?[/geek] 😉 ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2002, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/59 "2002-07-24T19:06:55Z")
The Romulan guy’s name above is **Tomalak.** I am SUCH a geek! ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2002, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128/60 "2002-07-24T19:24:41Z")
Chekov vs. Bester in a screaming match… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-trek-universe-smackdown-hand-to-hand-fightin/119128.md?page=2)