# Star Wars Episode VII **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 8, 2007, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151 "2007-04-08T02:34:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![anamnesis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb8c5e/32.png) [@anamnesis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anamnesis)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/41 "2007-04-10T02:45:22Z")
[QUOTE=FriarTed] Add “scripted by Quentin Tarantino and directed by Richard Rodriquez” and I am in! [/QUOTE] Seconded. Richard is way better than that hack of a director brother of his, Robert Rodriguez. Fantasy space operas are definitely his ace in the hole. That would be a match made in heaven! ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/42 "2007-04-10T03:00:03Z")
[QUOTE=FriarTed] Add “scripted by Quentin Tarantino and directed by Richard Rodriquez” and I am in! [/QUOTE] Well, duh! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/43 "2007-04-10T03:05:36Z")
[QUOTE=Raguleader] And of course, bring in Selma Hayak and Eva Mendez as Han(rietta) Solo and Admiral Piett, and Danny Trejo as Boba Fett (Danny Trejo being a total scary badass doesn’t preclude him from being the victim of slapstick if necessary) Johnny Depp can be the manipulating-behind-the-scenes Stormtrooper With No Eyes, playing Jabba the Hutt (played by Willem Dafoe with a tacky fake Irish accent) against Emporer Palpatine (played by Ian McDiarmid, really can’t top that one). Chicleta Ewok will eventually become the sidekick of the Stormtrooper with No Eyes. [/QUOTE] You just can’t have too many scantily-clad hotties in any film – it’s really what defines quality filmmaking. And scary badasses – always the best. Surely the Hutts would need more physically active beings to do their nefarious deeds, and Trejo culd easily fill that bill. Sort of Darth Slaver to the Hutt’s Palpatine. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/44 "2007-04-10T03:09:22Z")
[QUOTE=Evil Captor] You just can’t have too many scantily-clad hotties in any film – it’s really what defines quality filmmaking. And scary badasses – always the best. Surely the Hutts would need more physically active beings to do their nefarious deeds, and Trejo culd easily fill that bill. Sort of Darth Slaver to the Hutt’s Palpatine. [/QUOTE] Well, I’d have Eva Mendez in some variation of the Imperial Navy uniform, but then, I’ve got a thing for women in uniform (it’ll probably lead me to a bad end). How about Danny Trejo as a Gammorean? He’s about ugly enough. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/45 "2007-04-10T10:38:05Z")
[QUOTE=Chronos] Actually, though, one could vastly improve _Return of the Jedi_ simply by replacing the Ewoks with the originally-envisioned Wookies. Ewoks kicking butt is ludicrously saccarine, but Wookies kicking but is simply the natural order of the Universe. [/QUOTE] I used to think so, too, until I saw Episode III. Lucas made even an army of Wookies suck ass. And I _like_ the prequels. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/46 "2007-04-10T16:07:46Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] …But Episode VII should reveal that Alderaan custom dictates that all weddings be conducted in the nude. 😃 [/QUOTE] Hey, of course, a _Star Trek_ crossover - about the ancient, little-known Betazed colonization of Alderaan! ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/47 "2007-04-10T16:26:47Z")
[QUOTE=Raguleader] The greater mutual threat, of course, is the Emporer’s lawyers, the Law Firm of Wolfram and Binks. Even the Force pales in comparison to a million lawyers on retainer. [/QUOTE] I can just see them mustering in formation in the plaza in front of the Coruscant Federal Courthouse. Rank after rank with a briefcase in one hand, Starbucks in the other (they all emerge from one of the seven Starbucks around the square, of course)… ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/48 "2007-04-10T16:33:30Z")
[QUOTE=Shagnasty] Luke wakes up in his parent’s house in suburban Chicago. He is still 12 years old and a loser and he realizes it was another one of those dreams. [/QUOTE] Then Chewbacca comes out of the shower. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/49 "2007-04-10T16:51:25Z")
“Have you ever seen a grown Wookie naked?” ---
**Author:** ![want2know](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@want2know](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2know)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/50 "2007-04-10T18:20:01Z")
[QUOTE=Raguleader] Alternately, Han Solo is thawed from Carbonite to find that it is several thousand years later, the Rebellion has been completley destroyed, and Palpatine’s evil is law. Also, Palpatine is Japanese, and played by Mako. His only hope is to defeat Mako in a race through the Kessel Run, which will require that he master the art of the Coruscant Drift. [/QUOTE] I’ll see that, and raise you: Meanwhile, Palpatine has decided that human stormtroopers are too fragile and inefficient in keeping a lid on the Rebellion, so he has a new droid army constructed–much bigger and heavier than the previous one. Unfortunately, they evolve beyond their original programming and turn on all humans, Imperial as well as Rebel. Eventually, the remaining human population is forced to commandeer whatever ships are available to escape from their droid enemy. Through a series of arcane clues, it is determined that there is a safe haven for them to start over. So this ragtag fleet sets out upon their journey to their promised land…a shining planet called… Huh? Oh, sorry. I got nuthin’. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/51 "2007-04-10T18:31:38Z")
[QUOTE=want2know] So this ragtag fleet sets out upon their journey to their promised land…a shining planet called… [/QUOTE] New Jersey. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/52 "2007-04-10T19:20:30Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] New Jersey. [/QUOTE] “Have you ever seen so many dead hookers?” ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/53 "2007-04-10T19:22:15Z")
“Only in Ben Affleck’s dressing room.” ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151/54 "2007-04-10T21:41:05Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] New Jersey. [/QUOTE] ``` Star Wars ``` Episode VII Exit 9 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-episode-vii/399151.md?page=2)