# Star Wars Meets Pulp Fiction **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 22, 2005, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011 "2005-05-22T23:54:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/1 "2005-05-22T23:54:12Z")
Saw this in today’s Herald-Leader, then went and watched it. A bunch of guys here in Lexington made a short film that re-enacts the “Ezekiel 25:17” scene from Pulp Fiction with Stormtroopers. It’s actually really funny. [http://www.twentyoneproductions.com/starwarsparody](http://www.twentyoneproductions.com/starwarsparody) “Tell me: what does Lord Vader look like? Does he look like a bitch?” ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/2 "2005-05-23T00:30:59Z")
Oddly enough, I composed a couple of memo’s for the Memo thread in the Pit. I posted just one, but this has more relevance here: * * * To: The Jedi Council From: Mace Windu Re: My Wallet After leaving the council chambers Friday evening, I became very consternated when I found that I had misplaced my wallet. Given to me by an old friend, now passed away, I am quite fond of the wallet and the memories it brings of my earlier life. My efforts in searching the council chambers and my office have failed to locate it. My staff has been scurrying over the entire weekend - but to no avail. I have even tried to use the powers of the Force, but even they have failed me. If you locate my wallet, please notify me posthaste. It’s easy to identify: It’s the one that says Bad MotherF\*cker. ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/3 "2005-05-23T00:32:53Z")
I think it’s hilarious that he had BMF engraved on his lightsaber. Sam Jackson is extremely good. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/4 "2005-05-23T00:56:29Z")
In the movie or in the parody? I didn’t see a lightsaber in the parody… ? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/5 "2005-05-23T01:00:33Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > In the movie or in the parody? I didn’t see a lightsaber in the parody… ? In the movies. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/6 "2005-05-23T01:16:34Z")
Meh. That one didn’t do much for me – not much to it except for replacing Jules & Vincent with Stormtroopers. Hardly any of the dialogue was changed. They speak French on Correlia? The read the Bible in a galaxy far, far away? I like my Tarantino/Star Wars fusions to be clever. I wish that [_Imperial Dogs_](http://www.studiocreations.com/imperialdogs/) didn’t stall – it showed promise. Check out the video for “Stuck in a Room with Artoo,” anyway. And that bit with the Stormtroopers vs. the Rebel footsoldiers looks _sweet_. The funniest Pulp Fiction/Star Wars thing I’ve seen lately is something someone posted to one of the many Star Wars threads here: Mace: You will take your seat on the council, but you will not advance to the rank of Master. Anakin: _What?_ Mace: Say “what” again, motherfucker! I double-dare you! Say “what” again! Bwahaha. I can’t wait to see that edited together with After Effects/Premiere. Hurry up, _ROTS_ DVD! ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/7 "2005-05-23T03:48:48Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > The funniest Pulp Fiction/Star Wars thing I’ve seen lately is something someone posted to one of the many Star Wars threads here: > > Mace: You will take your seat on the council, but you will not advance to the rank of Master. > > Anakin: _What?_ > > Mace: Say “what” again, motherfucker! I double-dare you! Say “what” again! > > Bwahaha. I can’t wait to see that edited together with After Effects/Premiere. Hurry up, _ROTS_ DVD! Thanks. I’m rather proud of that. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/8 "2005-05-23T05:40:41Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Mudd] Meh. That one didn’t do much for me – not much to it except for replacing Jules & Vincent with Stormtroopers. Hardly any of the dialogue was changed. They speak French on Correlia? The read the Bible in a galaxy far, far away? I like my Tarantino/Star Wars fusions to be clever. [quote] Indeed. Let’s see…it shouldn’t have been Big Kahuna Burger, it shouldn’t been Big Bantha Burger. And it shoudln’t have been Sprite, it should’ve been blue milk, of course. He wasn’t carrying a hand cannon, he was carrying a Bryar pistol. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/9 "2005-05-23T11:37:50Z")
They should do another one where Obi Wan hands Luke Skywalker the uncomfortable piece of metal that he kept up his ass during his time in a clone wars prison: his fathers light saber. ---
**Author:** ![archmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@archmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/archmichael)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/10 "2005-05-23T14:29:37Z")
Back when it announce that Samuel L Jackson would be in the prequels, someone came up with “The TOP 10 Things We Want To Hear Samuel L. Jackson say in the Star Wars Prequel” 1. You don’t need to see my goddamn identification, ‘cause these ain’t the motherfuckin’ droids you’re looking for. 2. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’ll never know, 'cause even if it did I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfucker. 3. This is your father’s lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every motherfuckin’ stormtrooper in the room… accept no substitutes. 4. If Obi-wan ain’t home then I don’t know what the fuck we’re gonna do. I ain’t got no other connections on Tattooine. 5. Feel the Force, motherfucker. 6. What ain’t no planet I’ve ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on What? 7. You sendin’ the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that’s all you had to say! 8. Yeah Chewie Rocky Horror’s got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He’s a wookie. 9. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch? 10. Hand me my lightsaber… it’s the one that says, “Bad Mother Fucker.” Not all are from Pulp Fiction, but you gotta love the list. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/11 "2005-05-23T15:13:34Z")
“Now let me ask you a question, Obi-Wan. When you drove your speeder in here, did you notice a sign out front that said, ‘Dead Jawa storage?’” ---
**Author:** ![Squee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@Squee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squee)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/12 "2005-05-23T16:56:20Z")
When if first read the title, I thought you were going to post a link to [http://www.bigfootbros.com/phantom/](http://www.bigfootbros.com/phantom/) = ) ---
**Author:** ![Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misery_Loves_Co)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/13 "2005-05-23T17:47:07Z")
The splice I wanna see is: Every time I watch ATOC, in the scene where Mace crashes the party on the balcony during the coloseum scene, I keep expecting him to say: “I’m sorry, did I break your concentration?” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/14 "2005-05-23T18:43:23Z")
This lightsaber I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather during the Clone War. It was bought in a little general store in Corellia. Made by the first company to ever make lightsabers. Up till then Jedi just made them by hand. It was bought on the day he set sail for Geonosis. It was your great-grandfather’s lightsaber and he wore it everyday he was in that war. When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the lightsaber off, put it an old coffee can, and in that can it stayed ‘til your granddad was called upon by the Emporer go and fight the Rebels once again. This time they called it the Battle of Yavin. Your great-grandfather gave this lightsaber your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, his luck wasn’t as good as his old man’s. He was a Stormtrooper and he was killed - along with the other Stormtroopers on the Death Star. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin’ that battlestation alive. So three days before the Rebels blew up the station, your granddad asked a gunner on an Imperial shuttle name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he’d never seen in the flesh, his lightsaber. Three days later, your granddad was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad’s lightsaber. This lightsaber. This lightsaber was on your Daddy’s wrist when he was shot down over Endor. He was captured, put in a Ewok prison camp. He knew if the tree-gooks ever saw the lightsaber it’d be confiscated, taken away. The way your Dad looked at it, that lightsaber was your birthright. He’d be damned if any furballs were gonna put their hairy yella paws on his boy’s birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this lightsaber up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the 'saber. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the lightsaber to you. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/15 "2005-05-23T20:13:32Z")
The Sith Apprentice DARTH MAUL has tracked QUEEN PADME AMIDALA to Tatooine, intending to assassinate her. Her Jedi bodyguard, QUI-GON JINN, narrowly ensures her escape, and then stays behind to dispatch the assassin. They engage in a furious lightsabre duel that eventually leads them into the dusty streets Mos Espa. QUI-GON retreats into a squallid-looking junk shop. The greasy, winged owner hovers up to him. WATTO: Hai chewba de nagga? (Subtitle: Can I help you?) QUI-GON waves his hand in the proprietor’s direction. QUI-GON: I’m just looking. You don’t need to pay attention to me. QUI-GON ignores WATTO, taking up a position near the doorway of the shop, where he waits anxiously. WATTO: You thinka you some kinda Jed— DARTH MAUL rushes through the doorway, and straight into QUI-GON’s fist. He falls to the ground in a heap of robes, stunned. QUI-GON leaps on top of him, punching him in the face several more times. He snatches the Sith’s double-bladed lightsabre from his hand and extinguishes it. He grabs ahold of the Sith’s thumb and bends it back to its limit. QUI-GON: You like chasing Jedi, do you? Well congratulations, you’ve caught _me._ QUI-GON snaps the thumb, and DARTH MAUL howls in rage and pain. QUI-GON places the point of his lightsabre near the Sith’s throat, and is about to decapitate him. WATTO: (off-screen) Stoppa right there, ootmian! Both combatants look up, and for the first time, notice that WATTO is hovering over them, brandishing a blaster rifle. QUI-GON: With respect, sir, this is none of your affair. WATTO: I’m-a makin’ it my affair. Now, droppa that lightsabre! QUI-GON extinguishes the lightsabre and tosses it away. WATTO swings the butt of the BLASTEK 1138 rifle down _hard_ on QUI-GON, who collapses unconscious on top of DARTH MAUL. The Sith opens one eye, on the threshold of consciousness himself, and watches as WATTO flies over to a communication terminal on a cluttered countertop and punches a button. WATTO: Hey, Sebulba? Thissa be Watto. The Sarlacc’s a-caught a coupla Womp-Rats. FADE TO BLACK FADE IN, INTERIOR OF A BACK ROOM OF WATTO’S JUNK SHOP. Both DARTH MAUL and QUI-GON are in repulsor-restraint chairs, wearing Huttese slave costumes fitted with spherical durasteel gags. WATTO is hovering over them, their confiscated lightsabres dangling from his belt. He is holding a portable pain-field generator, which he uses to jar both men back to consciousness. WATTO: Nobody is-a gonna kill-a anyone inna my place-a business, except-a me or Sebulba. Outside, the thunderous bass rumble of a Pod-racer is heard pulling up. The engine is turned off. WATTO: Thatta be Sebulba. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/16 "2005-05-23T22:06:57Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > Both DARTH MAUL and QUI-GON are in repulsor-restraint chairs, wearing **Huttese slave costumes fitted with spherical durasteel gags.** _EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!_ ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/17 "2005-05-24T03:04:18Z")
Produce that on DVD, and Lucas’ lawyers will be slicin’ like a -------- hammer. ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/18 "2005-05-24T03:25:22Z")
> [@pesch](#): > > Produce that on DVD, and Lucas’ lawyers will be slicin’ like a -------- hammer. Not necessarily. Lucas allows you to do whatever you want with Star Wars as long as you follow the “Fan Film” guidelines- as long as you don’t make any money from it, or try to make money from it, you’re golden. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/19 "2005-05-24T06:38:11Z")
[Sites I haven’t checked out, but which may be relevant to this thread]: [panicstruckpro.com](http://panicstruckpro.com) (Star Wars: Revelations) [atomfilms.shockwave.com](http://atomfilms.shockwave.com) (The Apprentice, Napoleon Dynamite, Pink Five) ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011/20 "2005-05-24T12:44:22Z")
> [@brianjedi](#): > > [http://www.twentyoneproductions.com/starwarsparody](http://www.twentyoneproductions.com/starwarsparody) This site seems to be being hammered pretty hard; I can’t get through right now. Does anyone know if this is mirrored anywhere? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/star-wars-meets-pulp-fiction/305011.md?page=2)