Starting kids in school early - what do you think?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Another early starter checking in - my birthday is in early January and the cut-off date in my school district was September 1, so I was about four months younger than the next youngest when I started kindergarten at age four.

And honestly, I think it really depends on the kid and the circumstances. There were both good and bad aspects about starting early but they were so dependent on my individual personality that I don’t think anyone but those who know your kid can really decide. I’ll give you some of the anecdotal highlights of the experience, though; maybe there’s something you haven’t considered.

Academically, there was never a single problem. I showed up on day one ready to go and 13 years later graduated valedictorian of my high school class. Like amarinth I think holding back a year would have done nothing for me academically speaking and might even have been harmful.

Emotionally/socially is more of a mixed bag. Aside from a spectacular meltdown on day one of kindergarten (which almost put the kibosh on the whole process - my parents had to beg the administration to give me another chance) I didn’t have any behavioral issues. Sitting still in class and paying attention and following instructions were all non-problems, at least from day two onward.

Socially I’ve always been introverted and a bit immature, but I honestly think that would have been the case whether I started kindergarten at four or 14. Maybe if I had started school with my peer group I might have been slightly more outgoing, but I really doubt it - it’s just not my nature. I certainly don’t think I was damaged or emotionally stunted in any way.

It did give the other kids an easy label. My family moved between my second and third grade years, so I was the ‘new kid’ on the first day of third grade, and once the others found out that I was 7 instead of 8 years old, I became the target of some pretty vicious teasing. Eventually the name-calling and taunts got bad enough that the teacher would announce recess and I would burst into tears, which really didn’t convince anyone that they shouldn’t be calling me ‘baby’ at every opportunity.

But on the other hand, kids are awful generally - if I wasn’t the baby, I would have been the fat kid or the smart kid or the teacher’s pet. The other kids lost interest after a month or two and I made friends and moved on with my life. And being the youngest could be a bonus too - I was proud of my academic achievements and I got a little extra boost from also being the youngest. My parents were proud of me too - not in the ‘my kid is only as good as her GPA’ way, but in the good way.

Puberty was really kind of a non-issue. There’s such a range in the ages people start puberty that starting your kid in school at age four, five or six doesn’t have anything to do with whether they’ll go through puberty in lockstep with their peers at 13. I was the youngest in my class but went through the trauma at about the same time everyone else did. The kids who were late-bloomers weren’t any older or younger on average than the rest of us.

As for things that are age-limited, most of the time it wasn’t a big deal. My mom made a phone call in the first grade and I started Brownie scouts along with the other girls in my class, despite being technically too young for Brownies. I was allowed to sign up for the local youth softball league for 9-12 year olds, despite being only eight. However, I did eventually quit softball at 12 because all my softball friends had moved on to the 13 year old team, which was a traveling team and stricter about age limits. Driving wasn’t really a big deal - I had older friends who could drive, and by the time I was in high school people tended to have friends from different grade levels, so I wasn’t the only one in my group of friends who wasn’t old enough to drive. The most annoying age-related stuff was not being old enough to vote in the presidential elections during my first year of college on a very politically active campus (though I would have been just as annoyed had I been a senior in high school) and being 21 later than a lot of my college friends (though, again, my college friends had a range of ages and I certainly didn’t have to get boozy at home by myself - there were always plenty of other 20 year olds without fakes around to get boozy with :slight_smile: ).

Do I regret missing out on an extra year of carefree childhood? No. I barely remember being four years old. If I were to have an extra year somehow, I’d rather it be when I’m old enough to appreciate it. At this point, I regret not taking a year off between college and professional school, not between nursery school and kindergarten.

In the end, I’m glad I started early, but I don’t think it really matters in the long run. There wasn’t really an actual downside (but again, a kid needs the right temperament in order for there not to be one, which may be hard to judge) and the upside is that I’ll have finished a university degree and a professional degree at 24, which for me is something I place value on but for someone else it might not matter. I think getting high school out of the way at 17 wasn’t a bad thing, no matter what I was going to do next.

And, um, hi. I’m newish. Been lurking for years but finally there’s a question I’ve got firsthand anecdotal information on. Cheers!

22

My experience was generally similar to the one colbeagle (hi! welcome! stay a while!) posted right above me, except for the fact that’s she’s obviously a little more she than I am. I started kindergarten at four and a half - where I grew up, there was an overlap between September 1 and January 1 where the kids in that range could start at age 4 (though most waited 'till age 5 anyways). Never did any pre-school or day-care of any kind before-hand, and I had a stay-at-home-mom - so the first day of KG was my first day out in the world, really. It’s also worth noting that when I started KG, I could already read and add/subtract and do pretty much everything else that the other kids was learning because my mother had already taught me these things at home… so there was never any pressure on me to learn quickly enough to ‘keep up’ or anything else.

Academically, well, I can’t imagine things could have possibly worked out any better. I was always the proverbial “smartest kid in the class”, and any and all social problems were much more related to that and your generic “four-eyes” type stuff. I was always shy until high school or so, but that was more just who I was and not at all age related. Athletics made up for most of the social stuff - I was never one of the cool kids, but I had more than enough friends from soccer teams and whatnot to make it to the point where that sort of thing didn’t matter. The teachers wanted me to skip a grade at one point, and my parents were strongly against that, since I was ALREADY at least six months younger than everyone around me. Good choice, I’d think.

I was always the shortest kid (except for a brief period in 9th or 10th grade where I actually had a growth spurt BEFORE my older peers), but that’s mostly because I’m just plain short (even now I’m generously 5’8"). I was one of the last ones to get my driver’s license, one of the last of my friends to turn 21, etc. etc… but it was never REALLY a problem, and I was more than used to being the baby by the time any of that stuff even came up. Every girl I’ve dated but one has been older than me, but that sort of thing doesn’t really matter any more either. As a bonus, I get to take a year or two off, get some work experience, make some money, and will still enter law school below the average age of the class I enter with. For me, it was absolutely the right decision, but it’s definitely an individual thing, and it depends a lot on the maturity involved.

Of course, I didn’t have to deal with French Immersion :wink: But I say (generally, not just to the OP) if they’re ready, let 'em go for it… just be sure they’re ready and it’s not parental-pushing.

23

Personally, I would say that if a younger kid is dying for brain food, that the parent should find some of the zillions of excellent educational materials available and provide intellectual exercise at home rather than putting a 4-yo into K in our current climate. I might not have said that 20 years ago, but it’s what I would do now.

I certainly understand the concern about that issue–it’s possible that I would have gone nuts too if I hadn’t entered K at 4. But I’m not sure it’s a good idea now, and it’s not at all hard to find great materials these days. It’s always possible to do science fun at home, check out interesting books from the library, and so on to keep a bright kid busy and happy.

24

Agreed. I am not a parent, but I did kind of the yo-yo thing in school; advanced, then put back on normal track, then sidetracked (into Spec Ed…they thought I was autistic because I wouldn’t play with other kids), and so forth. I finally ended up advancing myself in high school, taking senior-level classes as a sophomore and going to college part-time during summers and half day during my senior year. I doubt advancing a grade or two would have made any difference in the long run with regard to the bordom and restrictiveness I felt in school. Heck, I top-ended the standardize testing (Iowa Basics…did anyone else have to take these things?) every year, usually being four or five years ahead in reading comprehension relative to my grade level, so being bumped a single grade would have been like cutting a tough steak with a butter knife.

There’s no track for extra-smart or intellectually curious kids in public school; if you have a kid like this and want to keep them engaged, get them involved in extracurricular activities or projects like chess or science experiments. There’s a wealth of books and materials available, and while it takes more time, it’s probably more effective than just bumping them up a grade or two, and without the socialization issues invovled.

Stranger

25

AdoptaDaughter skipped a grade in elementary school. She’s now a freshman in highschool and is not enjoying being the youngest of her crowd of friends who are dating, beginning to drive, and holding part time jobs. Academically she’s more than holding her own, but academics aren’t the only thing school is about to teenagers … the social aspect is as, if not more, important. So far, she’s accepted our request to hold off on the more mature activities, but I have a strong feeling that AdoptaDad and I will be bending our rules soon as a compromise.

Our oldest daughter was also one of the youngest in her graduating class in high school and that proved to be a problem in a different repect. When she was a freshman and 14 years old, 18 & 19 year old seniors started asking her out on dates! We were sooo not ready for that and held her off until she was 15 to narrow the age/maturity gap a bit.

26

Completely concur on that last point. You aren’t accomplishing much intellectually accelerating a bright four year old - they just become a bright young first grader. When they are reading at a fifth grade level as a six year old second grader, what then? Do you keep moving them through? At some point you need to challenge them intellectual at their own emotional/social/age appropriate maturity level. Sticking a four year old in kindergarten just delays needing to do that - and not for long.

27

It’s a mixed bag. Where I am in the Netherlands, kids start full time school on their fifth birthday whenever that may be. If they go to nursery school, they have a big party on their fifth birthday, whoop de do huge send off, and then the next day they go to big kid school. However, the class they enter is what we used to call a developmental preschool in the states – they stay there until they are ready for the local equivalent of first grade and that’s the big “readiness” decision.

But they don’t in general start content based learning until first grade either.

Eldest was born 10/19 and the cutoff date is 10/01, but we stuck with the cutoff date because he has a significant language disorder and there was no way he could have swung first grade last year. Youngest was born in January and they have not yet decided if he will be ready for first grade at the end of this year. He could be but I have no plans to push it either way.

Still, my own kids are already getting a certain amount of extra stuff at home because they are bilingual.

I do think that it depends a great deal on the program. My kids go to Montessori so uneven development is not a huge issue: a child who can read early but isn’t ready for the structure of first grade for example is just kept in Kindy and given the option of doing first grade work. Because the classes are mixed age, it usually isn’t even noticed. My niece and nephew go to regular schools in the US – one to a public school, one to a Catholic school – and both sets of parents have had Many Significant Meetings about issues that appeared to me to be (quite frankly) about developmentally inappropriate expectations. I am not sure that anyone’s experience of even a decade ago much less two decades ago is really on point to your question, because there has been in the mean time a sea change in terms of what Kindy and first grade means and what goes on there – at least in the US.

I wouldn’t talk to “a” principal, I would talk to the principal of the school in question, and to some teachers at that school also and see what they have to say. Because I don’t think it depends on the kid, I think it depends on the school.

28

I was started at 4, and I had a lot of trouble in school. I was a lot smaller then everyone else, a lot less mature, and my grades were crazy despite my being smart. I eventually graduated fine and did OK my last few years, but as an adult my mother now says that she really regretted starting me early. I was smart enough to do it, but that last amount of time may have made a real difference as far as my being socially ready to be in school (according to her). I’m inclined to agree with it now, looking back.

29

I started when I was 4. I was a big kid and even at a year younger than most of the others I was still bigger than most.

I always felt that I had to work harder than my siblings for the same grades and I alway felt left out when my peers got to do things - like drive - a year earlier than others.

I never really learned how to relate well with girls when I was in school - but was that a product of my age or of me being a dork? Or was I a dork because I was younger than everyone else? No one can answer these questions.

None of this scarred me for life and I have ended up being pretty successful.

30

Unless you are looking for them to be a sports star, I don’t see anything wrong with starting them early. Having a friend in class would more than make up for being a little young. Being near the oldest (I was near the cut off and my mother did not start me early) never prevented me from being socially awkward and not going sooner meant that i was bored out of my skull and way ahead of the class in academics.

I met a young man who skipped a few grades and so entered college at 15. Being young worked well for him and he went on to get his doctorate. Now he has a nice job doing what he likes and is a home owner at an early age.

31

I started early, and I think it worked out pretty well. If I had started later, I would not have been so aggressive and competitive because I’d have been with my physical and emotional peers rather than kids who were always bigger and faster.

32

I started Kindergarten at 4, but I was big for my age, had 2 older sisters in school and a baby brother at home, lived a block straight down the street from the school and could already read.
My mom begged them to take me earlier. I kept sneaking out of the house, determined to get to school somehow. And oh, how I longed to ride the bus! Didn’t get to ride the bus until highschool, living a block down the street.
I loved every minute although I didn’t like being a 13 year old Freshman or a 16 year old Senior but that didn’t last long. Neither did my riding the bus—that got old fast and I had older friends who could drive.

33

Hold her back. It’s better to be the biggest and oldest kid in the class than the smallest and youngest.

34

I started early - 11/20 b-day with a 9/1 cutoff. Really never meant too much to me. In fact, with 3 older siblings, I think I would have been more distant from them if I’d been another year behind them in school. As it was, my sisters were 2, 3, and 4 years ahead of me. Even though one of the youngest, I was generally the tallest in my class, and never had difficulty with the subject matter.

OTOH, we started my son early. He is the middle of 3 kids. Intellectually he was very bright, but not the most mature kid ever. He was “difficult” in some respects, and at the time my wife mainly wanted a bit of a break. Several aspects of school did not come easily for him, both subject matter and social/interpersonal. Turned out he had a mild neurological disorder as well. Once we started him, the school district was not willing to hold him back, because or enrollment/staffing numbers.

We moved when he was beginning 2d grade. The new school gingerly approached us inquiring whether we would consider placing him in 1st grade. I think they were a little surprised at how quickly we agreed! At the time I figured the worst he could accuse us of was giving him an extra year to be a kid. If, when he was a senior in college, he wanted to give me grief over the fact that he could have been out working for a year already - well, I can handle that! :slight_smile:

And he ended up 2 grades below his older sister, and 1 above his younger sister.

So - yeah - it really depends on the individual kid, as well as the family dynamics.

35

My birthday put me right on the borderline–my parents could have started me with kindergarten at 5, but I would have been the youngest all those years. Instead, they decided to wait a year, making me one of the oldest instead. It had its own benefits over time–three years with a car in high school, being 18 as a senior–and I’m sure there were probably benefits as a kid that I wouldn’t have recognized and now don’t remember. I also think part of the thinking nearly 20 years ago was that a girl can be one of the youngest in a class, but a boy really shouldn’t. No idea how that has held up or what the long-term effects a policy like that could have.

36

My son has a July birthday, and we could have held him back (the cut off here is September) but we didn’t. Most of his classmates are older. That hasn’t been such a big deal so far, but I have discovered that there are skills that are really age and development related – most notably in his case, handwriting.

He had an absolutely awful time last year (5th grade), where writing was a huge factor in his reading grade (i.e., he was expected to respond in writing to reading assigments, keep a journal, etc.) His handwriting was atrocious and laborious, and, consequently, he hated to write and would do the bare minimum. (This is an extremely verbal kid who reads voraciously.) His teachers (whom I wanted to kill) dismissed him as lazy and were always writing scathing notes on his papers, such as “Sloppy. You can do better than this!”

We even jumped through all the hoops we needed to in order to have a therapist evaluate his handwriting so see if there were some underlying motor problems. Nope.

This year, the problem has simply vanished. He writes legibly and with apparent ease. But that period where his handwriting ability was at odds with the writing assignment load was hell.

37

How do you do a transition year?