I am in this situation now too, since my wife left me. My weekends (when she has our boys) are pretty lonely. Two of my friends around here play in a popular local band, so they are always working on weekend evenings, my brother lives locally but is consumed with his job and his wife and all my other friends live in Virginia, New Mexico and Texas.
I got nobody.
I agree.
I am lucky in that I have a core group of friends who are fun without being overbearing, but they are people I met 10+ years ago at a job which attracted a whole lot of interesting people.
The only real catalyst for meeting new folks I have encountered is either through my daughter or from posting random stuff on Craigslist, like “Who wants to get sushi with a stranger- Let’s go Dutch!” and meet up with non-amorous folks. That can be fun…
Alas, Nord!
You got balls, son.
**Shocker Khan **and I both think you’re pretty rad,and would totally go grab a drink w/ you sometime. We’re in Evanston but work downtown.
Well I wouldn’t get a beer with you.
So there.
Interacting with humanoids in meatspace (as opposed to cyberspace) is an outmoded 20th century concept. 
Aww, shucks. I slave away downtown too. I’m near [del]Willis[/del] Sears Tower. Lotta
Jokes on you. I’m not much of a beer drinker.
You have a really inflated opinion of your low self-esteem, don’t you? I don’t think this even breaks a 4. Not a single mention of your neglected childhood, catty comments about competing friends, or self-flagellation about your previous mistakes. Weak.
With regard to Meetup groups, my advice is to keep your expectations, and realize that, as an attractive young woman, you’re going to be the target for a lot of guys who are showing up with the expectation that the Meetup exists primarily as a dating pool, even for a group for “Single Crewcut Women Dog Owners”. Most groups I’ve been to that were not rigorously managed to limit this kind of behavior end up driving off most if not all younger women.
Stranger
Lotta what? Lotta d-bag bars, I was going to say, but most places can be made palatable with good company. Somehow the rest of that sentence ended up in Enderw’s quote. I swear I’m sober.
I’ll try harder next time. Oddly, these tiny little words on the computation screen which I believe <squints> were complimentary, or at the very least, only weakly insulting, were comforting.
I don’t have great hopes for any MeetUps I attend, but it would get me to some place other than work, my apartment, and the occasional happy hour I go to with a friend. I’ve seen pretty much none of this town, and have met zero new people. The 1.5 friends I have here I knew before I moved. I’m also not worried about anyone hitting on me. It’s become clear to me that boys don’t like me anymore.
That last comment should get me over the 5 mark.
I’m glad to read this thread and see that I’m not the only freak who isn’t really making any new friends. I’m sort of a nomad, Chefguy, doing temp work. I often work with great people, but before I develop any friendships, assignment’s over - see ya!
We went out for dinner with a couple from our social group last weekend - it felt like going on a date!
I’m back living where I grew up. But, when I was in Santa Barbara the best way I found to make friends was a book club I put together. I put an ad up on Craig’s List and found about 10 people. It was all ages, but we got along really well and always had a fun time discussing books. I made pretty good friends with a few of the members. (Sadly, distance made a couple of the friendships wither.) And, even without the friendships I was forced to read books I probably wouldn’t otherwise, and had something to do each month.
Sometimes, I think of trying the same thing here, or joining one that is already active. But, I have a bunch of friends from childhood and family here. So, it’s not as urgent. Plus, I don’t have as much energy as I used to have so it all sounds like work.
Me too. I’ve learned that I have to have about three points of compatibility with someone before being friends. That happens rarely (and almost never with the people I work with; even though I respect and like them quite a bit, I don’t really feel particularly like socializing with them outside of work, and vice versa). I’ve always had friends at school, but it was much easier then to find people with multiple points of compatibility.
I’d come over to see the doggies and the Mustang, but it’s 7 hours
I just realized that someone I considered a geographically close Doper is 7 hours away.
(But we have kitties!)
I think I may have identified the problem…
This might sound kind of weird, and if you’re not the social go-getter type I understand it won’t work, but OKCupid has a section for “looking for friends” that no one ever, ever uses. Start using it for “meetup” type events, and message a bunch of people and see if they’d be interested in something like hiking or a big bar meetup somewhere quiet. It’s a good excuse for lots of strangers to meet in a low-pressure environment while doing something you enjoy. Plus, with OKCupid’s match percentage, it’s a pretty good way to ensure you’ll get along with at least one person.
I moved every 2-4 years from 1967 until 1998, and all over the world, and regret none of it. In the ten years we lived in Anchorage, I only made acquaintances, but nobody I really wanted to hang with. I’ve tried to convince a couple of old friends to retire and move here, but no luck yet. As I said, I’m mostly okay by myself, but I’m often bored, which is not good. My spouse is big on going to museums, which generally bore the crap out of me, and attending concerts, most of which I’m ready to leave at intermission. Can’t seem to get engaged with anything.
I’ve thought this through before, and after doing so realized that I didn’t lose friends as I got older, I just learned the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. True friends are very rare. If you have one or two, consider yourself lucky. If you have more than that then you probably haven’t learned the difference yet.
Well, I agree. New friends is hard. I’m getting married, and all the “Chicago” friends I think are likely to be able to come to the wedding are via my fiancee. I have a few, but I suspect they can’t make it.
However, if you’re willing to hang near the tower from time to time, I know a couple of boozy spots & we could hang too. Shocker Khan & Bob Ducca could come as well, and we could all discuss making adult friends.
If you’re willing to branch out a touch from there, I know a few more boozey spots that are full of fabulous. Just a few, as I tend to eat & drink at home, but I’ve got a couple.
[unspoken but understood]“to interact with my genitalia”[/ubu]
Come on man, this is the internet we’re talking about here.
I’ve experienced the same thing you have, MOL. I think the desire for friends at this age is natural and has its roots in nostalgia–a harkening back to those times when our lives revolved around our friends. But we grew up and things changed.
Also, you may come to view your friends from where you used to live differently. I think there’s a natural tendency to think that one’s own decisions are somehow objectively the best thing to do, so when you talk to friends from where you used to live there may be a little feeling of “geez, you still live THERE? :dubious:”.