# Statements that are always lies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 6, 2009, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033 "2009-01-06T03:38:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/1 "2009-01-06T03:38:53Z")
Something came up in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=500410): Statements that are always lies. Examples from that thread: “Don’t worry, I’m not really crazy.” “I’m not a racist.” “I’m not trying to be difficult.” “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings.” “I swear I’m telling the truth.” “I don’t like to complain.” To these, we can add: “The check is in the mail.” “I won’t cum in your mouth.” “I’ve never done this before.” “This won’t hurt a bit.” “This is for your own good.” “This hurts me more than it hurts you.” “You know you can trust me.” What others? ---
**Author:** ![Picard\_Kills\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dec6dc/32.png) [@Picard\_Kills\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Picard_Kills_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/2 "2009-01-06T03:43:13Z")
I don’t quite get how “I’ve never done this before” is a lie. For me, it’s more of a warning that I need to move back a few steps, or someone else needs to get the fire extinguisher in case I catch on fire. I think a possibility may be “No offense, but…” ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/3 "2009-01-06T03:48:13Z")
“I don’t mean to bother you…” Well you may not **mean** it but I’ll bet that you’re about to do it anyway, so that hardly counts. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/4 "2009-01-06T03:53:20Z")
Perhaps not lies, but certainly statements that make me look askance at the speaker: I am wise. I am a patriot. I am pious. I am attractive. I am humble. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/5 "2009-01-06T03:57:53Z")
Not to change the subject, but… It’s not you, it’s me. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/6 "2009-01-06T03:57:57Z")
I’m asleep. I am not speaking. I am not myself. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/7 "2009-01-06T03:58:56Z")
I hate to say it/tell you this, but… ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/8 "2009-01-06T04:00:39Z")
I am stepping down to spend more time with my family. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/9 "2009-01-06T04:06:22Z")
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” - you just did. “This is funny :” (ok, not _always_ a lie. But empirical evidence points to a very high probablity) “My best friend is a X” “I don’t masturbate” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/10 "2009-01-06T04:09:20Z")
“I only tell the truth.” And because of the pit thread I’m participating in; “I’m not trolling.” Um, yeah right to both. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/11 "2009-01-06T04:17:39Z")
> [@Picard\_Kills\_Kirk](#): > > I don’t quite get how “I’ve never done this before” is a lie. For me, it’s more of a warning that I need to move back a few steps, or someone else needs to get the fire extinguisher in case I catch on fire. I meant it in the context of sexual acts. And I forgot the most famous one: “I am not a crook.” ---
**Author:** ![Waffle\_Decider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/77aa72/32.png) [@Waffle\_Decider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waffle_Decider)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/12 "2009-01-06T04:28:46Z")
We’re not lost! ---
**Author:** ![Waffle\_Decider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/77aa72/32.png) [@Waffle\_Decider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waffle_Decider)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/13 "2009-01-06T04:42:34Z")
Another one: “I was just about to call you.” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/14 "2009-01-06T04:44:44Z")
“I know what I’m doing.” ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/15 "2009-01-06T04:46:57Z")
“I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.” ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/16 "2009-01-06T04:50:45Z")
“My fellow Americans…” ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/17 "2009-01-06T05:25:47Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And I forgot the most famous one: “I am not a crook.” “Mission accomplished!” ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/18 "2009-01-06T05:31:28Z")
“That was the dog.” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/19 "2009-01-06T05:35:41Z")
“The dog ate my homework.” ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/20 "2009-01-06T05:37:05Z")
“Sorry, I’m down to my last cigarette/stick of gum.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033.md?page=2)