# Statements that are always lies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 6, 2009, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033 "2009-01-06T03:38:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/21 "2009-01-06T05:41:20Z")
“I’m sorry, but [anything].” –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/22 "2009-01-06T06:01:52Z")
“This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.” “No, that doesn’t make your ass look big at all.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/23 "2009-01-06T06:03:28Z")
“Sorry, that’s the smallest bill I’ve got.” ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/24 "2009-01-06T06:12:27Z")
“I run a classy establishment” ‘classy’ is just one of those words where, the moment it’s used, it no longer applies. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/25 "2009-01-06T06:26:22Z")
“We come in peace” ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/26 "2009-01-06T06:33:12Z")
“It’s not about the money.” ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/27 "2009-01-06T07:04:11Z")
“Coming!” I always say that to whomever is waiting for me (f.i my husband when we’re going out) when my actual intention is to be five more minutes. Applying that last bit of make-up. Or going back up to change my shoes. Straightening the cat. Whatever. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/28 "2009-01-06T07:13:31Z")
“But I did it for _you_.” Or it’s for your own good, I thought it was what you wanted, etc etc ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/29 "2009-01-06T07:20:37Z")
“I don’t mean to be rude, but…” guarantees that the following statement will in fact be rude. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/30 "2009-01-06T07:41:14Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > “I only tell the truth.” I have a policy: People who claim that they never lie cannot be trusted at any time. Why? Because everyone has things that they need to hide, or would just rather not tell people about. Big things, small things, doesn’t really matter. Most people, when questioned about many of these things, will lie. > [@](#): > > “No, I didn’t drink the last of the orange juice.” > [@](#): > > “Of course I’m not sleeping with him!” > [@](#): > > “I sent it off in the mail yesterday.” Then, if they are caught in the lie, they will eventually confess and acknowlege that they have Done Wrong. However, in my experience People Who Never Lie think that as long as they stretch the truth until it bends, or answer with a non-sequitur that _seems_ to answer the question, or gaslight the asker till they don’t know how they feel anymore, that they are still somehow In The Right, because At Least They Didn’t Lie About It. > [@](#): > > “What? You know I like apple juice better.” > [@](#): > > “Baby, you know that I love you, that I’m gonna marry _you_. How could you think I would do something like that? Don’t you trust me? You know I’d never lie to you.” > [@](#): > > “I’m not sure what time the mailman picked it up…” The fact that they deliberately responded in such a way as to cause the querent to believe something untrue is somehow irrelevant to them. They told the literal truth! It’s not _their_ fault that the other person misinterpreted them! THEY NEVER LIE, DAMMIT! THEY HATE LIARS!!! Etc. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/31 "2009-01-06T07:46:19Z")
We had to destroy the village to save it. We are here to liberate you. We will leave within 6 months. I have a mandate from the American people to do this. This is a temporary tax. My people love me. Hostory will judge me more kindly. And, Of course I’ll respect you in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/32 "2009-01-06T08:07:14Z")
“All models over 18.” ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/33 "2009-01-06T15:17:27Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > “All models over 18.” Actually they always are, since it isn’t worth the grief that having underage girls doing porn will bring. My favorite is “Your call is important to us”. ---
**Author:** ![Karyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Karyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karyn)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/34 "2009-01-06T15:19:52Z")
"With all due respect’ isn’t exactly a lie but usually means that you don’t think that the person deserves any respect at all. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/35 "2009-01-06T15:20:19Z")
> [@Oni no Maggie](#): > > The fact that they deliberately responded in such a way as to cause the querent to believe something untrue is somehow irrelevant to them. They told the literal truth! It’s not _their_ fault that the other person misinterpreted them! THEY NEVER LIE, DAMMIT! THEY HATE LIARS!!! > > Etc. Yeah. I came in to post basically this. I have a brother-in-law like this, and he drives me bats. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/36 "2009-01-06T15:26:09Z")
_“All your base are belong to us!”_ Even if it’s true, you’ve just relegated yourself to geek loser-ville status by using it. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/37 "2009-01-06T15:31:37Z")
This is just a layoff; if we find need for your services, we’ll hire you back. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/38 "2009-01-06T16:09:51Z")
> [@Picard\_Kills\_Kirk](#): > > I don’t quite get how “I’ve never done this before” is a lie. For me, it’s more of a warning that I need to move back a few steps, or someone else needs to get the fire extinguisher in case I catch on fire. As **panache** already noted, it’s in the context of sexual acts. Every _single_ one night stand I’ve ever picked up at a bar has said, “I’ve never done this before!” From 21 to 45. It’s so uncanny, but it’s not even surprising anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/39 "2009-01-06T16:17:05Z")
“I’m a reasonable man…” ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033/40 "2009-01-06T16:20:02Z")
Of course, the flip side are those statements which are all too true, tho perhaps not for the reasons the speaker thinks: “Hey y’all, watch this!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/statements-that-are-always-lies/480033.md?page=3)